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Stoned Smurfs Plans for Islands

Stoned Smurfs

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**Breaking News from Stoned Smurfs**


"Hello, I am Ann Ryder from SPOT radio out of Potsville, Stoned Smurfs. We are broadcasting to you live outside of the Green Movements HQ. I have acquired a top secrete memo from President Pot himself declaring the two islands located to the east of the S.S.S.S. official territory. Many have considered the furthest island its own nation or that of the nation above it. We here at SPOT radio feel this is just another example of how oppressive our government is. The memo also outlines plans to turn each island into its own military base and conduct exercises on each. One island will be turned into a naval base and they plan to make a man made lake big enough to repair many major naval ships at once. The other will be strictly for air assaults and airports. We believe this should show all of Europa Pot's true intentions. The President and this administration is hell bent on ugh..."


The camera is knocked out of focus for a few seconds and then comes in to view once it is settled on the ground. What we see next is two rather large men dressed in dark blue suits angrily escort and woman and what appears to be an unconscious man off the premises.


**End of transmission**

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The Imperial Fleet has been deployed, leaving its secure harbour of Aldonville. The officially statement of the Naval Headquarters was they're just on a training mission in the Northern Ocean, nothing to worry about. Rumours however, said the SS Nordic Queen was standing by, should a conflict erupt. ohmy.gif

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The High Council of Vanarambaion today officially condemned the actions of the SSSS, and demanded the immediate release of the two islands. Marshal Christoph Tinsman, Acting Regent of the Realm gave a statement later this evening stating that the escalation of the situation by SSSS was inexcusable and put the army at high alert. angry.gif We will keep you informed on this breaking story.

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The threats received today by Vanarambaion did not sit with President Pot to well. As he stood on a dock at a military base watching heavy duty bull dozers and backhoes being loaded, about to be shipped out to the islands off of SSSS. As he scratched his head he spoke to an assistant standing near by.


"How serious are these threats?" Pot asked.


"Moderate." He replied.


"Pull out the SuperCarriers Molta and Fumar, fully loaded and send them into international waters between us and Vanarambaion. Get SSGPS over the waterways and I want every detail! Hear me? If a fish craps at the bottom of the ocean and it floats to close to SSSS I want to know about it." Pot said in almost one breath.


"Yes sir." His assistant replied as he hurried off to give out orders.


Pot then pulls out a metal tin, cracks it open and pulls a marijuana packed green leaf cigar and begins to smoke. He paces back and fourth while inhaling deeply. Something is brewing inside that mans head. God help us all.

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..:: Urgent Message ::..

To: Europa Naval HQ

From: Imperial Fleet, Nordic Queen


Sonar picked up noice - STOP - sounded like dept bombs - STOP - will investigate - STOP


Seconds later...

..:: Urgent Message ::..

To: Europa Naval HQ

From: Imperial Fleet, Nordic Queen


Radar found out - STOP - shoal of whales - STOP - one sick whale has constipation - STOP - Greetings - STOP


OOC: couldn't resist to make a joke about the fish crap wink.gif

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The mobilization of the Supercarriers didn't go unnoticed for long.


"Sir, they've sent two formerly idle ships into international waters! They're coming at us, sir!"


As alarms buzz around the city and residents scurry for cover and their radios, Grand Marshal Tinsman puts the army on full alert and issues immediate emergency mobilization of an additional 250,000 Army troops, and the entire Navy and Air Force (who usually are about 80% mobilized, so it's not tough to get the rest out.) In a radio address to the nation, now hunkered down in their bunkers, the Grand Marshal lays out the facts, -from an undisclosed location - by radio.


"People of Vanarambaion:

Today the Stoned Smurfs rejected our demands to pull out of the islands known as Lewes and Dewey. This territorial encroachment puts them closer to our shores and gives them sufficient launching grounds for a missile attack on the Fatherland. Without any official statement they commensed with their plans to occupy the islands and sent two Supercarriers into international waters - an unacceptable escalation of the situation. I've mobilized the military to protect the Fatherland and put the government on Red Alert , and will see to repulsing any attacks on our nation. God Save the King. God Save the Kingdom."


Oh, and three carrier groups are ready for deployment. They are deployed just inside territorial waters with orders to "if they see anything breathing to please rectify that situation." Several more carrier groups will be ready over the next few days, and volunteers are flooding the mobilization centers. (Compulsory military training and a militant population lead to that kind of thing, I guess) Land-based aircraft have commensed swarming patrols in Vanarambaion airspace and all commercial flights have been grounded.

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..:: Urgent Message ::..

To: Europa Naval HQ

From: Imperial Fleet, Nordic Queen


Sonar picked up noice - STOP - sounded like dept bombs - STOP - will investigate - STOP



..:: Urgent Message ::..

To: Europa Naval HQ

From: Imperial Fleet, Nordic Queen


Radar found out - STOP - shoal of whales - STOP - one sick whale has constipation - STOP - Greetings - STOP

Snickering softly, the junior officer hands the intercepts to his CO.


"What? Is something humorous, soldier?"


"No Sir!" the junior flits quickly out of the room.


'Heh,' the CO thinks as he reads the Europa's intercepts, 'the Marshal'll want to see these.'

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- Vanarambaion gets put on Red Alert, Pot says he's "not worried a bit" -


- SSSS National guard put on 24 hour stand-by, local recruit offices have been seen to have lines -


- The Green House confirmed Molta and Fumar have been deployed into international waters due to threats by Vanarambaion -


- Scientist confirm bad plankton is cause for a record number of constipated whales -


- Construction of the future home of the SSSS Navy has begun, groundbreaking ceremony to be held on both islands -


- SSSS has open trade in uranium to almost all nations around the world despite criticism from many allies -

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The SSSS Molta and Fumar Suppercarriers have made anchor in international waters and have begun survalience flybys but maintaining air space over international water.


The Fumar has made a request for a gunship and a few PT boats while the ship makes weapon upgrades leaving them vunerable. The SSSS government has not yet responded.

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In an official statement today, the Grand Marshal stated:


The Vanarambaion Parliament has today approved the extension of the international water to 12 nautical miles beyond our shores. This will allow our ships and aircraft to patrol to a greater range to protect our interests. Precident for this decision was given by the Territorial Sea Act of 1987 (OOC: this is a RL international law, if you want to look it up).


The Vanarambaion Parliament has also passed a resolution condemning the actions of the SSSS. They have called for an immediate step down of hostilities by both sides, and a temporary halting of the construction of naval bases, pending negotiations.


The Vanarambaion Parliament also capped the Army size at 1,000,000 men including the recent recruits. As the Army has already exceeded these limits, all remaining recruiting efforts have been halted, and the Vanarambaion Army will accept no more trainees until retirees have lowered the numbers below the acceptable level.

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Communiqué de presse

Our glorious president Jean-Louis Yorundu decided not to intervene. "We've got our own problems" he reportedly said. "Unless we're provoced, we will not dragged into one of these conflicts with some landgrabbing empire at the other end of the region." That's all he wanted to say on the current situation.

The president also said he would not comment on "rumours" in the press concerning the expansion of the Brawandian fleet.



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To: All nations concerned

From: HMFIC President Post

Re: Mind your own.


Greetings nations of Europa,


We hope this telegram finds you well. We shall keep this short as possible and cut right to the chase. With regard to the two small islands outside of the SSSS, we are acquiring them and do not care what the international community thinks about it no matter where they are on the map. Vanarambaion has made threats but they fall on deaf ears. Vanarambaion is all bark and no bite. As for the nation of Brawandi making statements we would like for them to realize we stay out of other nations matters unless they directly concern us and feel they should do the same.


We feel we do not need to remind any of you that the SSSS is the most secure against foreign aggression and top the UNs defense list. This, at times, makes fear no one. So please be warned that the mighty SSSS does not back down to any one and would hate to have to launch preemptive strikes against a hostile nation. We would not hurt anyone here in Europa but do not take kindly to threats. So in short and in our native tongue, dont let you mouth write a check your ass cant cash.



Thank you for your time,

President Pot

Leader of the Green Party Movement

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The newly crowned Emperor of Vanarambaion was visibly shaken at the press conference this afternoon, after receiving a translation of the message from SSSS. In his first statement after being crowned, the Emperor stated that the international community would have to decide whether mediation or military action was warranted at this point. He set a date of August 28, 2004, for the other countries of Europa to make their decision.


"Friends, Vanarambaions, and Countrymen:

Today, the SSSS has taken several steps toward a statement of war between our two nations. By their own admission, the SSSS has stated that they, and I quote, "do not care what the international community thinks about it no matter where they are on the map." Our nation has been accused of making, quote, "threats" against the people of SSSS, yet none of these supposed threats have been cited or produced, because they don't exist. Other nations have been blasted specifically by the statement released at 11:30 this evening. I call on the SSSS government to produce undeniable evidence of these threats to the SSSS, or back down from this allegation.


It is for these reasons that I ask the Vanarambaion Parliament to consider the following:

1. An immediate repeal of the cap on the Vanarambaion Army.

2. A condemnation of the unilateral actions taken by the SSSS.

3. A condemnation of the preemptive doctrine and imperialistic attitude of the SSSS.

4. A call to the international community to oppose this tyranny. Today it might be these two large islands far from your shores. Tomorrow it might be Vanarambaion. But then what? What about the day after that? Or the day after that? How many nations must fall for us to stand against this ridiculous doctrine?

5. A final call to the doves and cooler heads of the SSSS government to come to the bargaining table.

6. To authorize the Emperor to call the immediate mobilization of the Army, Navy, Marine Corps, Air Force, National Guard, Reserves, and Special Forces of the Vanarambaion military, should number 5 fail.

7. The immediate assessment of defensive capabilities of Vanarambaion.


The Holy Confederacy of Vanarambaion are a peaceful, diplomatic people with a history of warfare and strife. Our wish is not to revisit our roots, although we are not afraid to, but to call on the SSSS to come to the negotiations table. God Save the King. God speed."



Following the announcement, the Vanarambaion Parliament passed the 7-point plan unanimously - a rarity for the usually-divided body - due to intense political pressure applied by the people of Vanarambaion. Diplomatic orders were received by all Vanarambaion Ambassadors in all Europa nations requesting any available help, either militarily, logistically, or diplomatically. Special envoys were sent to Europa and Brawandi to increase the diplomatic presence in those countries. Diplomats were advised that any reasonable concessions would be considered by the Emperor, whose job it is to deal with foreign relations.

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With that sound the TV goes black and President Pot having just watched the Vanarambaion press announcement gets up and walks towards his office doors. As he opens the door he is greeted immediately by his head secretary, Miss Mary Jane Hempton, with a startling look on her face.


"This is getting way out of hand. This is way too big right now." She said. Before giving the President a chance to talk she continues. "The naval repair hub construction has only begun and if its attacked it would be useless to even attempt to complete it until long after any war or sanction and that in turn would mean all the money we spent making the lake and reinforcing the canal would be lost. That alone is 75% of the total cost."


"Calm down." Pot said. He then began to make his way to strategy room.


"What are we doing here? What do we tell the rest of the world?"


"Nothing." He was very calm when he said this. Maybe too calm.




"Nothing. Release a statement saying we are deploying three battle ships, two gunships and six PT boats to the Fumar and Molta to provided protection to them during their repairs and training exercises. Reassure the world that training is the only reason for our presence in open waters. Keep plans going on construction and completely ignore Vanarambaion or the situation for the moment."


She hurries down to her office while the President walks into a room filled with top military advisors. With that the doors close behind him.

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Emperor Mikael IX Palaiologos looked worried after seeing the Vanabraion press announcement. He was sitting at the end of large table in the strategy room of imperial palace. Around the table were also sitting Foreign minister Argyrus, Defence Minister Staurakios and commanders of the naval forces, air forces, and army.


"We have the seeds of major war here." Emperor said " If it escalates any further our naval traderoutes are in danger like the trade minister yesterday said. We must act upon this!"


"Angelos" Emperor then continued after few seconds of silence. "I want you to deploy two naval fleets. One for maximum home sea-security and other for the defence of our trade routes."


Naval commander stood up hit his chest with his right hand in fist and said " Hagia Basileia! Consider it done."


"Zenon" Emperor then continued turning to the army commander. " Mobilize half of the maximum forces. Especially Imperial Guard must be in full alert.


Army commander also stood up hit his chest and said "Hagia Basileia". And like the naval commander he then remained standing waiting for permission to leave to his duties.


"Order our ambassadors in SSSS and Vanabraion to inform the rulers that we intend to keep good relations to both countries but we request them to leave southern seas out of this conflict or we must consider that they threaten our trade and we are forced to act accordingly." Emperor said to the Foreign minister. Argyrus nodded slightly and made some notes in the papers before him.


"You may leave." the Emperor said looking for everyone in the room. All stood up and others bowed to the emperor after which they left the room.

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Early this morning, under thick clouds of fog, seven submarines with full armement left Nordhaven. At the same time, six more submarines left Zuidhaven and nine departed from the Orion Naval Island. In total, twenty-two submersibles left Orion for international waters. It is not known where they are headed or when they will return. The Orioni Government supplied the Europa Broadcasting Consortium (EBC) with a very brief statement saying "People need not be alarmed, we are only partialy mobilizing a small component of our navy for military manoeuvres of unknown duration. Such exercises are part of the professional training our soldiers and officers receive."



user posted image

Picture of submarine departing from Nordhaven.


user posted image

Picture of submarine departing from Orion Naval Island.

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"What do you mean, 'they disappeared'?! 20 nuclear submarines DON'T JUST VANISH! Get me a goddamn location, pronto!"

"It was 22, sir," the petty chief squeaked out.

The look he got from the General would have melted a diamond at forty paces. Sweat sprung out on the petty chief's face.


As General Guderian turned away, he calmed visibly. That was not the issue at hand that needed his attention. He doubted the Orionians would do anything foolish. Just out to "protect their interests" no doubt. Code-speak for "they want front seats to Armageddon. But the SSSS, on the other hand... He strode on into the green room for the press briefing chamber. Waving off the makeup people with a "I don't need any goddamn hoochy paint," he pushed through the curtains and took the podium. There were no press in the room, just a lone camera. This was a select audience.


"Officers, enlisted men, fellow brothers in arms:


The SSSS has today reenforced the Supercarriers waiting near our shores. They did not issue any statements, nor even give a reason why those ships were in a threatening position to our country, much less why they needed to send more. These intruders are looking more and more like an invasion force, and if they try to add any more to our waters, we have no choice but to go to war. I have no doubt that this message is being received by foreign countries, as the code is very simple. We cannot allow any country to annex a free-standing spit of land so close to the Fatherland that could and is being turned into a base for offensive warfare. That's unacceptable. They refuse to come to the bargaining table so we could discuss and agree on the terms of their annexation and building on the two islands. That's unacceptable. And they continue to use threats of force, through the use of carriers near our shores, to goad us into submission. That is absolutely unacceptable. There is no reason, no motive, behind this expansion, and the government of the SSSS has been silent about its reasoning behind the proposed annexation. What are we supposed to think? That a peaceful mission needs to include two carrier ships? I say that's bull**it. I call on the SSSS government to come out of their radio silence and tell us what the blazes they think they're doing over there. I call on the international community to stand up and say that they're not going to sit around and wait to be the target of aggression themselves in the future. I call on you to do your duty. That is all, men." **Salutes smartly**


With a click, the camera shuts off and men in uniform all over the world cheer and head off to do their duties. The general always did have that special morale-boosting touch.


As his arm returns to his side, the General starts thinking again. What the hell was going on? Why were they being so closed. Frankly he didn't care what they were doing with the islands, just so long as he knew what it was, and could get them to agree that it wasn't directed against Vanarambaion, and never would be. Ah, which reminded him. "Gina, are the satellite pictures in from the pass over those islands?"

"Yessir, they're on their way."

"I want them at my desk before I am," he barked over his shoulder as he strode down the hall. "And get me relatively reliable information on those subs. Now!"

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Today at noon two heavy naval fleets left the harbours of Konstantinopoli and smyrna. The fleet that left from smyrna consisted of battleships Justinianus and Konstantinus and heavy aircraft carrier Solon. Escorting them were two class Poseidon light cruisers, three class Nereid destroyers and three class Triton frigates. The fleet directed to north-west and spred so that it could protect entire coast of Byzantium.


The other fleet consisted of aircraft carriers Eos, Helios and Nyks which each had escort of two destroyers and two frigates of beforementioned classes. Also pocket battleship Belisarius was in this fleet followed by heavy cruiser Kroton.

This fleet sailed directly westward.

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The people of Huntsburg have become understandibly disturbed by the events unfolding in the northwest and demand that their government issue a statement.


Today at 0930 hours, the President of Huntsburg publicly addressed the issue on international television, simulcast in every known language of the region. What follows is a transcript of the statement.


"To the people of Huntsburg and our fellow member states of the Region of Europa, the time has come for Huntsburg to establish itself with regards to international security within the Region."


"With regards to the seizure of the two islands off the coast of S.S.S.S., Huntsburg will not interviene and officially recognizes them as territory of S.S.S.S."


"However, Huntsburg hopes that S.S.S.S. will cease their conquests there. In the event that S.S.S.S., or ANY other nation attempts to invade ANY nation within this region, Huntsburg officially promises to lend military support to the defending state, solely for the purpose of repelling their borders!"


"Due to our compulsory military service, approximately 50% of our population is on active duty at all times, upgradable to 80% of the total population when reserves are activated. This translates to a substantial military presence, which is centrally located within the region, and as such easily deployable to any part of the region within 72 hours"


"May the people of the world know that Huntsburg is a peace loving nation, but that we will not tolerate the oppression or invasion of any nation within our region and from this day forth, we make our military resources available for DEFENSIVE PURPOSES ONLY to any and all nations within this region."


"Should any nation require our assistance, we request that a telegram be sent to Huntsburg outlining the situation and specifying the resources requested and we will respond upon careful evaluation of both the situation and the request to ensure that Huntsburg acts in the best interests of the Region."


"With hopes of continued regional peace, the people of Huntsburg bid you farewell."

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"In response to the increasing tensions in the northwest, combined with long range recon flights over the area, several launces have been seen originating from the St. Mary Space Center throughout the day. Officials there refuse to comment on the payload, simply stating that they are of a classified nature."


"Officials at the Huntsburg Naval Station in Saint Mary have announced that they have deployed a number of units which presumably are enroute to the northwestern sea. Although officials will not coment on the exact number of naval ships which have been deployed, this reporter has personally counted two aircraft carriers, four battleships, six destroyers, and an unknown number of submarines departing the port here on a westernly heading."


"In addition, there are unconfirmed reports that Huntsburg has stepped up activities at it's Salarium Military Air Field in the north."




"This just in, Military leaders have confirmed the activation of Huntsburg's reserve forces, and request that any troops who have not yet already been notified please contact their commanding officers for orders."


"We will keep you notified as new information develops."

"From the Saint Mary Naval Station, I'm Paul Yawn, HBC News."

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These are short messages to different parts of the region being made public but meant in a private manner.



To: Huntsburg

From: The S.S.S.S.


Dear friends, Thank you for the words of wisdom. We wish everyone had the same sight as you. We give you our word that we mean no harm in acquiring the islands. We are even going to have national animal reserves for endangered species. We are sorry to announce that no plans will be halted. We are on a peaceful endeavor and this situation is being caused by a paranoid and war hungry nation. All lines of communication are open and feel free to use them



To: Byzantium Nova

From: The S.S.S.S.


Greetings, We think that our first interactions with Byzantium Nova will be a pleasant one but feel we need to ask some rather direct questions. First, we have noticed the recent military activity in you nation recently and would like to know your stance. We also would like to know the destination of the fleet heading westward from your nation. I am sure other nations that you're cruising towards would like an explanation as well.



To: Vanarambaion

From: The S.S.S.S.


Your hostile actions will only result in a total loss in your military as well as any civilian losses that occur in result of war. We do not want war but would not hesitate in a second to destroy your nation. Please cease your hostile words and actions and keep your distance. You have been warned.

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These messages are too meant private manner but made public


To: The S.S.S.S

From: Byzantium Nova


We also greet you and hope to keep good relations with you. It is understandable that our recent activities may seem alarming. Our mobilization and naval activities are just caused by the fact that our primary naval traderoutes outside Europa may be in danger. This is why we are sending some ships in western ocean just to strengthen our wish that southern seazones are kept outside of possible conflict. Our navy has strict orders not to start any hostilities with anyone and they will be recalled home as soon as the situation normalizes.


To: Huntsburg, Selene2u, Orioni, San Ba and Castillanos

From: Byzantium Nova


Our fleet will pass near your national waters but our intention is not to threaten you. Their destination is the western ocean and purpose to protect our interests there.



By the time these messages are received byzantine fleet is seen east of Ju?qi?o Space center well outside of San Ba?s national waters and it is cruising north- west with full speed.

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Dear President Pot;


Thank you for your assurance that your intentions are peaceful and for keeping the lines of communication open. Until we see proof of otherwise, we shall take your word that your intentions are not hostile. Though the people of Huntsburg would like to take every nation at it's word, it should be understandable that we have the need to protect the interests of both our own nation as well as those of the rest of the region.


As you may have noticed, we have mobilized a naval fleet that is headed in your direction. At this time, they are anchored off the coast of unoccupied land number 32, with instructions to hold that position awaiting further orders.


It is with the greatest hopes that this mobilization has been for naught, however, we must be prepared for anything. It is our intention that the presence of our fleet shall help to act as a deterant to any nation planning military strikes in the area, but our fleet is in position to offer support to any who may need it.


With best regards and wishes for continued peace,


The United Socialist States of Huntsburg

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"Sonar to Bridge, Contact bearing 090, heading 270, speed 5 knots, range 500 yards"


"Bridge to Sonar, can you identify it? Is it one of ours?"


"Sonar to Bridge, identity unknown."


"Bridge to Torpedo Room, ready tubes 1 and 4. Stand by."


"Radio, get on the horn to the admiral and see if they know who that is out there."




"Captain, the Admiral reports that they do not know who our contact is. They advise to continue tracking it but not to make any actions which may be construed as hostile. We are here on a peace keeping mission."


"I am well aware of why we are here seaman but I will not needlessly jeapordize this ship."


"Bridge to Sonar, do you still hold the contact?


"Sonar to Bridge, aye sir. Contact bearing 093, heading 275, speed 8 knots, range 350 yards."


"Bridge to Sonar, continue tracking and keep me informed."


"Sonar to Bridge, Aye Aye sir!"




"Sonar to Bridge, screws in the water!! Torpedo bearing 094, heading 272, speed 20 knots, range 300 yards and closing fast!! She's coming right at us sir!!!"


"Helmsman, evasive maneuvers, come about and deploy countermeasures, full reverse!!!"


"Shall we return fire sir?"


"Negative, not until we know who we are dealing with, I don't want to start an international war! Get on the radio and inform the fleet of the situation. I want to know who the hell just fired on us NOW!!!"


"Sonar to Bridge, detonation detected. Countermeasures were effective. Unknown contact is lost. Will continue looking and update."

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The President steps out onto the stage behind the podium and adjusts his glasses with a grave look of concern on his face.


"My fellow nations of Europa, today one of our peace keeping submarines that was dispatched to the northwest sea was fired upon by a vessel of unknown origin. The torpedo missed, and we did not return fire however, this is unacceptable. I now call to the nation responsible to come forth and publicly explain their actions."


"At this time we are conducting our own investigation using all available intelligence sources. If we do not recieve an explanation from the nation responsible before we conclude our investigation, we shall have no choice but to view this as a blatent and intentional act of aggression requiring immediate retaliation."


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      The papers were full of just more examples of the powers of the wurld bullying the smaller nations. Although the Orinese were much less... conservative, blunt and chauvinistic than the Tagmatines, they were perhaps a bit more hypocritical. They tended to frame all of their actions as good for the people they were subjecting them to, even if it was entirely against their will. The intervention in the Bainbridge Islands had been going on much longer than any operation the Tagmatine armed forces had undertaken in decades. Under the aegis of EOS, the Orinese were bringing peace and stability to the south of Europa, whether it was wanted or not. After a moment looking out to sea again, she broke off a corner of the pastry and crumbled it up further. She then tossed the crumbs to a wagtail that was scavenging around the tables of the cafe but keeping a wary distance from the stheneloser. Another joined it and the two birds bickered for a moment amongst the table legs before seemingly deciding that the amount of crumbs was enough for the pair of them. She watched the small birds briefly before sighing to herself and pouring more tea from the pot into her cup.
      A passerby called a greeting and waved at the old lady. The wagtails, always timid, scattered and chittered their outrage at being forced away from their crumbs. The stheneloser raised its heavy head and watched the passerby and the old lady's reaction to them, its eyes darting between the two. When she waved back, it put its muzzle back on its paws, content that there was no threat there and closed its eyes. She reached down and scratched it behind its ears and broke off another bit of the pastry. The dog put its head up again and gave a begging look. The old lady smiled at the big dog and gave it the rest of the pastry, saving a corner for herself. It chewed messily for a moment and nosed up the crumbs that it had dropped. She ate the corner she had broken off and sipped the cup of tea.
      Of course, to the locals it wasn't just an old woman – it was Evangela Leotykhidissa, the Megas Kritissa, the Great Judge, of the Kritakrateia of the Hexanisa. A small bodyguard called the Skouterioi lurked nearby, attempting to make themselves unobtrusive but also trying to be a visible barrier between her and any possible threat. Unlike the bodyguards of the islands' western neighbour, they weren't in ostentatious armour and robes but coats and suits. It was clear that they were still bodyguards, as the tailoring of their suits couldn't quite hide the presence of holstered pistols. The Skouterioi had always made it clear that they weren't happy with the fact their head of government was content to sit in public and let the islanders greet her as they walked by. Although the islands weren't rich, they were strategic. The Arhomaiki Noimosyni Dykton was an ever-present threat, as were the secret services of the Exousiokrateia or the Volskoi. Any of them might try to engineer a takeover of the islands or assassinate the Megas Kritissa. They would likely then try to take advantage of either the islands' position or the possibility of mineral or oil wealth possessed by them. The Gharoiki have been carrying out “hydrocarbon mining” in the areas of the Thalassa ton Kataigidon under their control. It seemed to be a pompous way of saying “oil and gas extraction” and it couldn't be doubted that the Hexanisa were being eyed up by the northern barbarians.
      Evangela took another sip of tea. The Megas Kritissa had been voted into the position in 2016 as a reaction against the regime of Kommodos Iakoumos, as she had been in the election six years before that. The old woman was one of the few of the Lipotakai, the Deserters, still actively involved in the politics of the Hexanisa. She had been repeatedly elected because she was seen as taking a hard line with Tagmatika. There was still an arrest warrant out for her in the Megas Agios Basileia, even though it had been over sixty years since the events at the end of the Long War which had caused the Hexanisa to break away from Arhomaneia. It looked like the relationship between the islands and the mainland were warming up in the reign of Theodosios VI but his death at the hands of an assassin and the civil war that followed had halted that.
      At the time, some of the other Kritai had considered throwing in their support behind the cabal of naval and army officers attempting to revive the Navarkhokrateia but that scheme had been stopped by the then Megas Krites, Ioannes Hegesinos. It just would have meant a vengeful Kommodos landing forces on the islands and bringing them to heel by force. Some of the defeated rebels had tried to flee to the islands in the aftermath of the civil war but they had been turned away, most of those disappearing further east or south. There were rumours that the new regime in Tagmatika had shot dozens, if not hundreds, of rebellious officers. Handing over any refugees would have been as bad as murder even if it would have meant that Tagmatika might have warmed up to the Hexanisa.
      The pot of tea was empty and Leotykhidissa stood to her feet, using the arms of her chair to help her get there. One of the Skouterioi stepped forward to take her arm but the old woman waved him off. The big dog stood up and followed the old lady at her heels as she started on the walk towards her official residence. It wasn't too far away from the harbour and the cafe. Gournaion was not a bustling metropolis by the standards of most nations, even New Wurld ones, but it was the largest city of the Hexanisa. The other people walking the streets knew the Megas Kritissa by sight and waved at her as she passed. Many other heads of state would use a car to get around but the size of the capital meant it was unnecessary and Leotykhidissa also loved to see the city. It meant that the old lady felt like she was more in touch with the ordinary people of her country than others in her position might be. And she could see the effects of the policies that she enacted or the repercussions of wurld events.
      In recent years, the numbers of boarded up shops were more noticeable than ever before. As she walked through the cobbled streets of the port, it was obvious where the road surface had become worn or damaged and been replaced with cheaper tarmac. The Great Europan Collapse had not impacted the islands as badly as others – the government hadn't fallen apart due to economic ruin like in many other countries but the primary industries of fishing and logging had taken a hit. The tourist trade had been nascent but starting to bear fruit, with southerners coming to see the relatively unspoilt landscapes, although others came to see the remains of the battlefields of the Long War. Those were mainly Tagmatioi and their money was as good as anyone else's, even if the Hexanisoi didn't like their government. However, that had dried up and the tourist board of the Kritakrateia just didn't have the money or the pull to try to attract more people to the islands. Foreign faces were now entirely uncommon on the islands.
      The Megas Kritissa got to the official residence of the head of the islands. It was no towering edifice but a low villa, almost in the classical style, if not for the modifications made to the architecture to take into account the frigid winters. A pair of guards in the dress uniform of the Taxiotai, the island's paramilitary police, stood either side of the door. Their faces were slightly reddened from the cold and their breath clouded in the early morning air. Leotykhidissa would make sure that the guards changed over a bit earlier than scheduled to get them out of the cold. The big dog walked up to the nearest and sniffed at the gendarme's boots.
      “Arkadios, come.”
      The dog stopped sniffing about immediately and trotted after the old woman and into the building. It was a comfortable enough building, if slightly more grand than many others in the city. It was the old seat of the Exarkhos, the governor, of the Hexanisa, back before the Long War had dashed that all to the winds. It was, imaginatively, known as the Palati tou Exarkhou, the Palace of the Exarkhos, although “palace” was far too grand a name. Arkadios' nails clicked on the tiles in the hall. The vestibule was cold and a draught blew through it, even with the front doors now closed by the Taxiotai on guard. The only real nod to being in the building was when an aide stepped forward to take the Megas Kritissa's coat and held out a warm indoor robe. Waving the aide away with a gesture, Leotykhidissa took off her coat and changed into the offered robe.
      “A cup of tea to warm you up?” the man asked. He was almost as old as Leotykhidissa and had the air of a trusted retainer about him.
      “Yes, thank you,” replied the Megas Kritissa, giving him a thin smile that still managed to be warm. “Can you take it through to the study? There are some papers I wish to go through before I get anything else done today.”
      “Of course,” he sketched a quick bow and stopped to give Arkadios a pat on the head before he did so. “Anything for this boy?”
      “No, he's had a pastry already this morning,” Evangela said, looking down at the big dog, who was in turn looking up hopefully at the aide with big eyes. He was trying to suggest that he'd not been fed at all today, despite what was being said. “He sat patiently outside, waiting for the service to finish. He's been a good boy.”
      Arkadios' tail wagged at the words.
      “I will bring the tea through when it is ready, Megas Kritissa,” said the aide, finally stopping rubbing the fur on top of the stheneloser's head and walking down the hall. “The heating's on, so the study should be nice and warm.”
      “Thank you, Leontios,” the old lady said and walked further into the residence.
      One of the main changes from the traditionally designed Arhomaiki home was that the study wasn't in a commanding place in the building, open to both ends to allow a good view throughout. Instead, in a nod to the cold weather, the room abutted the kitchen, to allow it to take warmth in from the ovens in the walls. That, along with the underfloor heating, made it one of the most snug rooms in the depths of winter. For an elderly person, it made it very liveable. Arkadios padded into the room and went straight over to the dog bed that lay in between the desk and the door and curled up in it. His eyes were on the Megas Kritissa as she pulled out the chair behind the desk and took out a pad of paper. She looked ahead almost blankly for a moment before taking a fountain pen from the mug of pens on the desk and started writing. It took a long time for the words to start properly coming and the cup of tea that Leontios placed on the desk was stone cold before she took notice of it. Eventually, the big dog had started to fidget and whine slightly, making it known that he needed to go out to go to the loo before Leotykhidissa finally stopped her fitful writing and looked down at the words on the page.
      She sighed and made the sign of the cross in the Aroman fashion – thumb, index and middle finger together, going from right to left – before sitting back in the chair. Of course, as she herself was not a despot, Leotykhidissa would put it before the other five Kritai to see what they would think. Personally, it seemed to be the only way to guarantee the fate of the Hexanisa but she had no idea whether it was the right choice. She was just tired of seeing her beloved nation rot and its people suffer like they had been doing for the last few decades.
      Her status as a Lipotakissa and her stance on Arhomaneia meant that she would probably be the only person who could propose a reunion with the Megas Agios Basileia without it being immediately shouted down and the proposer being arrested for high treason. It was certainly shocking, even to Leotykhidissa, but perhaps it was time for her country to come in from the cold.
      OOC: It's time to get the ball rolling on the first part mentioned here.
    • By Tagmatium Rules
      As Droungariokomes (Commodore) Sofia Ooryfaina looked the bay and the town of Basilikolimanion that was nestled around it, there were several things that struck her.
      The first was that was a good, sheltered anchorage for ships, and the concrete wharves that jutted into the bay would make the unloading of equipment easier. So long as they were still in good condition, although they likely wouldn't have been used intensively for decades. They could well be corroded and weakened by years of being battered by the elements and unable to take much heavy equipment moved across them.
      The second was that the large cathedral and equally large palace were incongruous amidst the dilapidated and crumbling houses and industrial buildings. They were from a significantly more prosperous time, when the Hermitages were at the centre of Arhomaneia's whaling industry a century ago. The islands where then, briefly, used for coal and iron ore mining until the Long War made it too dangerous for ships to cross. An attempt was made thirty or forty years ago to restart the mining, but it was deemed uneconomical to ship it across the Sea of Storms. She couldn't tell what state the wharves were in from out where her ship was. Or the palace and the cathedral, as they were just dark silhouettes against the the bare rock and small patches of vegetation that made up the hinterland behind the main settlement of the Hermitages.
      The third was that it looked bloody cold out there. The wind was whipping off the tops of the waves and it looked like there was snow in the air.
      “No sign of any life?” She asked the ship's captain, or Droungarios in her nation's naming conventions, taking her binoculars from her eyes and turning to her left to look over her shoulder. His name was Eufemios Kamoteros and he looked like the typical Basilikoploimon officer – smartly turned out in his black uniform, with a dark beard that was starting to show edges of grey. He was of below average height, not much taller than Ooryfaina herself. Both of them had regulation short hair and were wrapped up against the cold, despite being on the bridge of the command ship of the mission.
      “None from the Foussatores or Vestiaritai, Kyriossa,” came the reply from the officer standing at her left shoulder. The Border Guard and the Financial Guard respectively, they were only on the island to protect what little Arhomaneia considered to be of worth on islands. Which was little. “The monks, though, have acknowledged our approach. I've asked them to get in contact with the others.”
      Droungariokomes Ooryfaina gave a heavy sigh. The need for secrecy and the speed at which the operation was assembled meant that it hadn't been able to contact the remote stations that kept the Tagmatine claims to the faraway islands alive. It also didn't help that the islands were considered such a backwater deployment by the organisations in charge of them that it would probably have taken weeks for them to contact their subordinates on the islands. It was considered by the Epistrategaion to just contact them once the flotilla was close enough to the island. It could well have been something of an oversight on the part of the High Command.
      “Well, keep having your people try them, Droungarios. I don't want any unfortunate accidents taking place.” The Droungariokomes turned away and walked over to the windows on the bridge's starboard side to look at the handful of vessels that were following the cruiser BPP Trapezon she was on.
      Three tenders, filled with supplies and equipment to establish a proper base on the island, as well as a troop ship with a Apelatai regiment on it. Although it had initially been deemed a risk to withdraw a unit from the western border, the elite infantry were equipped and prepared to deal with the harsh conditions this far north. There were two corvettes and a destroyer accompanying the flotilla, watching for any ships or aircraft that might have suspicious intentions. A pair of submarines lurked nearby, acting as an unseen screening force. A conspicuously civilian vessels with too many antennas lurked between the tenders and the troop ship. It was from the Arhomaiki Noimosyni Dykton and other than its presence and its immediate movements, no one had explained to the Droungariokomes what it was going to be doing.
      Ideally, the attention of the Gharoi would be on both Corinium or the Prognostikator watching them in the Thalassa ton Kataigidon, the Sea of Storms. No one should really have seen anything as the Tagmatine ships slipped anchor in the various ports on the Kentriki Thalassa, the Central Sea and then amassed on the eastern side of the island of Vanarambion. They kept to international waters as best as they could as they did so. The vessels then made their way north by slipping through the Fillipou Thalassa, the Kosscow Sea and between the islands of the Hexanesa under the cover of darkness. Nights were still long at this time of year and this latitude. The flotilla was approaching from the east, in order to try to further escape any possible prying eyes from other countries. The few ships they had seen were trawlers, although you could never be sure.
      It seemed a good enough plan to the Droungariokomes when she'd been briefed on it but it was clear that it could spark off something, especially as the Seilosioi (@Seylosians) and the Iberikoi (@Ivericans) had tried to block Gharoi (@Haruspex) plans for Corinium. Only partially successfully, as the Gharoi pretty much now controlled the northern entrance to the Adlantic. There was a good chance that the northern barbarians were eyeing up the Hermitages, probably to create naval bases and despoil of their natural resources. Which was something that the Agios Basilikon Kounsistorion wanted to avoid, as it would entirely put the seas surrounding Arhomaneia at their mercy.
      As the Droungariokomes ruminated on the chances that Arhomaneia might kick off something bigger with establishing direct control to the northern islands, another officer leaned over to the Droungarios and muttered in his ear. He nodded and turned to Ooryfaina.
      “It looks like we still can't get a hold of anyone but the monks, Kyriossa, but they've sent someone over to to warn the Foussatores and the Vestiaritai,” he said, a frown on his face. “Apparently it's common, or at least common enough, that someone's radio goes down and they rely on the others to communicate.”
      Ooryfaina grunted. “Good start.”
      The other officer shrugged. “As good as any, really. I suppose it can't be expected that this out-of-the-way shithole would be up to scratch. They have to get everything sent up to them and it's not like any of them are trained military.”
      “Well, two of them are law enforcement of some sort,” the Droungariokomes said, shaking her head and walking over towards the windows in the bridge that looked towards the islands. “The buggers should really have their shit together a lot more. Especially out here.”
      “It'll be a shock when two-odd thousand pissed off soldiers start stomping around the island,” replied the captain, a grin showing through his beard. The smile disappeared and was replaced by a more serious look. “The monks also suggest that we use the eastern wharf, as the western one is a bit degraded.”
      “What's 'a bit degraded'” the female officer asked her subordinate, turning towards him, eyebrow raised.
      “They didn't really say,” the other replied, with a shrug. “I suppose that we'll have to see as soon as we get there.”
      Both of them turned to look towards the island. It was low down towards the sea but rose up towards the north east to a hill. A glacier covered the mountain and below that, bare rock. They were much closer now, able to see the individual houses that made up much of the settlement, as well as the walls of the fortress. Most of the houses were little more than ruins. The palace and the cathedral were easily seen.
      “They call it the Palati ton Oston,” said Kamoteros. “Pretty ominous. Apparently, they made much of the flooring and door frames out of whalebone, from all the years of hunting.”
      Again, the more senior officer grunted in reply.
      The BPP Trapezon was too large to moor directly alongside the wharves, as it was much bigger than the colliers and iron ore cargo ships it had been designed for, some seventy or more years ago. That didn't bode too well for the plans to bring the port itself up to the standards necessary for acting as the Europan end of the Argic trade route. But, Ooryfaina considered as she stood in ready to climb out of the ship's boat she had left the cruiser in, it was likely already known by the Agios Basilikon Kounsistorion. The iron rungs of the ladder from the water level up to the top of the wharf were slippery, corroded and occasionally missing. She almost lost her grip a couple of times. Getting a dip in the frigid Thalassa ton Kataigidon was not something that she was planning on doing today. As she hauled herself onto the top of the wharf, a band struck up the Arhomaiki national anthem.
      The smell of incense wafted over the sea air and was whipped away by a strong wind and she looked towards where the music was coming from. The band was made up of ten musicians, half in the winter uniform of the border guard and half in that of the financial guard. It did not sound like they had every practised together. A group of monks, well wrapped in winter gear, were waving thymiata and carrying holy relics to bless the new arrivals. Striding towards the Droungariokomes was an elderly-looking priest carrying a crozier and with a mitre perched on a woolly hat, followed by what must be the two senior officers of the enforcement agencies that occupied the Herimitireia. They seemed to be having a typically Aroman struggle over who would greet her first in their order of seniority. The border guard could trace their roots to the forces that conquered Europa and Amutia whilst the financial guard were, strictly speaking, a unit of the Tagmata. Thus the two officers were surreptitiously trying to step in front of the other. Soon it was likely going to come to elbows jabbed in ribs.
      “Welcome to the Herimitireia,” said the Arkhiepiskopos Dorothios Maliasenos, vapour from his breath curling away in the wind. He gave an appraising glance over Ooryfaina's rank tabs. “It is rare that we get anyone from the Basilikoploimon here, let alone a droungariokomes. Usually, it's a ship chartered from a civilian firm that drops of supplies for us. A supply tender for them comes from the navy but it's never someone of such a rank.”
      The archbishop punctuated the last part of the statement with a jab of a gloved hand over his shoulder. The two behind him had finished their bickering but waited until the archbishop had finished talking to the naval officer. The statement of the archbishop seemed to be a bit dismissive of the other two officers but she couldn't quite tell.
      “And now you arrive with that,” he said, giving a nod towards the flotilla sat in the bay.
      “Yes, your beatitude,” replied Ooryfaina. “The Agios Basilikon Kounsistorion has decided that it is time for the Herimitireia to truly become part of Arhomaneia again.”
      A pretty pompous line. The naval officer winced internally almost as soon as she said it.
      “Some of it has already been explained to me by a communication from emailed over to me,” the archbishop said. “I am not sure I wholehearted approve, for many reasons. For one, we have got used to the peace and tranquillity of these islands. I rather it wasn't disturbed by building work, ships or soldiers.”
      “I believe that will come a bit later, your beatitude,” the Droungariokomes replied. “I'm not sure when but I think that, considering what the Gharoi and Seilosioi have done, I imagine it will be soon. I'm not in charge of the building work, just securing the islands.”
      Again, the expression on what little of the archbishop's face was visible between his beard and his woolly hat was unreadable. He turned on his heel without another word and started to walk back down the wharf towards his waiting entourage, who were still waving incense and chanting. Ooryfaina found herself staring after him, frowning. She hadn't been told anything about the Church disapproving of the increase in activity on the islands but, as she had said to the archbishop, that wasn't really her problem. Her job was to stop any other nation to trying to meddle in the affairs of the island.
      Another woolly hat bobbed into view, but this with a tall domed hat crammed on top of it.
      “Tribounos Pankratoukaina Tzamplakonissa of the Foussatores,” said the well wrapped little shape that lay under the hat. From the name, Ooryfaina guessed that the speaker was female but the amount of clothes rendered any physical appearance hard to discern. And in order to nip any pretensions of the other officer being anything other than inferior to the speaker, they continued. “And this is Komes Theognostos Maroules.”
      The other officer narrowed his eyes at the slight but gave a half-bow towards the naval officer.
      “Welcome to the edge of the Eurth, Droungariokomes,” the shorter figure said, with unnecessary dramatics. “We'll get you and your staff somewhere warm.”
    • By Iverica
      Wow its been a minute, ammiright, but hell last 2 times we expanded it was like Bang, you know what I'm sayin'? No? I'm not high I swear. I'm just making this as cancerous as possible at your expense.

      Ok for real, I'm gonna do this proper before anyone thinks I'm getting sweet bootylicious clay just by virtue of being staff. In this post I'm going to:
      Show the community how my previous expansions have gone (hence: why I deserve to be trusted on this one). Tell you why this isn't actually a really big expansion (or even much of an expansion at all) Tell you what I'm planning and seeing if anyone has anything to say about it. Explain why all this makes sense unless you're a smooth brain. 1. Big Boi Numba Wan: Ivy-wyvy's messy wessy expansions UwU
      a. Ultramares (we gots a tiny island kawaii)
      What Happened: Iverica got it via referendum. Made a couple of (decent detail) news posts (more below the linked one) for it back when the regs weren't so strict. But we have been using it in actual RP like in the Asta L'Vasqqa Part 1: State of the REEEeepublic (link below). Its also been used in more news since then and is used in my iiwiki pages.
      b. The MADDAFAKKIN IBERIC FEDCOM BYATCHES (or: Iverica writes 2 novellas OwO whats this?)
      What Happened: THIS Boi and This THICC BOi. Capping it off with a little encyclopedia style post. Basically the Iberic states become one thicc glubal EU like power and it gets used like a ton of times. Yes it has a pretty basic iiwiki page as do all the states of the FedCom with individual pages.
      2. Its Not Really An Expansion Tho >.> eat my socks omnom
      The areas we want are super duper uuper tiny my dude and they like-totally like have no:
      a. Permanent Population: Anyone live there?
      b. Resources: at least none that we would exploit. Point: deees monies not gonna go into de borsa nononono seniorrrrrr.
      3. Whats the Plan Stan? The big idearr, the buzz in yer bumper, the bulge in your Blitzkrieg, the bung in your bumho—
      So you may have seen some posts talking about a certain project. Project Adlantis: North and South. The goal is for Iverica to build some bootylicious bases on bumfuck nowhere places because—strategic value? Trade route security? Investor confidence? Political posturing? Increased glubal committment? Smol stuff like that. Nothing important. 
      New Phone, Where dis?
      Lighthouse Island, Corinium

      Diego Gracias Island, N of @Gallambria
      THE Plan: IC'ly Iverica will be coordinating with local governments (Gallambria and South Corinium) and rapidly put military infrastructure down on the islands. Lighthouse Island will likely be leased with permission from the S. Corinium ( @Seylos) government given that Iverica only recognises the Southern government ( perhaps @Haruspex may have some IC ideas how this will go down since its contested territory). As for Diego Gracias, no one lives there last I checked. I've also talked to Gallambria about this. No issues so far. 
      To solidify the expansion with posts I only plan to do a few RP posts briefly going over what we're building. Since these are so tiny and this is hardly an expansion in terms of size or resource value, I suppose those will suffice. I've got my ears open to any com-mentos though.
      To make this whole song and dance worthwhile, there will be some secondary attempts Iverica will make at putting down supply stations ( a max of 2) on close by reefs (1 north, and 1 south probs) and not in anyone's exclusive economic zone or even contiguous zone so don't you worry your little head.
      Heads up: Some of the work (like building some prefab stuff and gathering equipment, I will write to have happened a couple months back already. Why? Because I'm not waiting a full fucking year for the bare bones of two naval bases thanks.
      NO SERFS, NO MONIES? Whats in it for Ivy? El simplicado my amigbro: 
      a. OOC Reason: Closer to the action. Its really expensive and hard to justify constant naval expeditions into the Adlantic. These bases will mean we have an anchor to make our RPs in the area more realistic and more realistic.
      b. IC Reason: [1] I think its important to realise that ships don't normally operate waaay outside of waters near a friendly base that can render aid or supply. If your ship gets into a boo-boo 3,000 km away from a friendly base of allied nation, who's going to help you? The ooga-boogas? Bruh, they're more likely to sell your organs. Enjoy the free ice bath that comes with it. Logistics are the foundation of operations—no logi=stupid ops, stupid commanders. [2] Another thing: with growing trade with @Tagmatium Rules, Iverican pledges to support Polar activity, and not to mention Iverica's part in securing Corinium. All these reasons equals galaxy brain: we have skin the game mudderpuckerrrr.
      Additional Hypothetical FAQ:
      Q: Iberica, how u appord dis?
      A: With a budget.
      Srs: I haven't even dented infrastructure budget in years. Even if I decreased my military spending by 25% we could still afford this. In the posts I've already made, I've shown that Iverica wants to hire local businesses to support the projects.
      Q: Won't the closest indigenous groups hate you?
      A: Maybe. But we're hiring them. So they can hate us while they help us.
      Q: IBURCA, how u justipie dis? Politikally.
      A: Seecuuuuuuuring trade and Polar Roooooooooooooutes, diplomatic committments, the fact that Europa is flexing and TRIDENT was founded precisely to pre-emptively unfuck the fucked up shenanigans that are certainly coming.
      Q: C'est très irréaliste, honhonhon, vous paysan, vous ne savez rien de la géopolitique!!! Mon dieu!
      A: Really? Try China string of pearls? Nine-dash line? Ring any bells. Remember the only reason why people are really incensed are because the the UNCLOS territorial overlaps. Not the actual bases. Further, people have been doing this for decades like the Diego Garcia atol among the scores of other islands. 
      OOC: damn son, you gotta try this organic shit. Also, I may have misspelled some stuff. idgaf. I dunno man. I'm just tryinna haff fun. Fancy a shag?
      Also: if there are complaints while I'm doing everything I just mentioned up there, I am not gonna hear it. If you don't like the way I twerk, you better say so soon or forever hold your piece. If you're concerned make sure you read it. Mwahahahaha, now you see the genious of making the whole post cancer. Now you have to reread it.

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