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Stoned Smurfs Plans for Islands

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**Breaking News from Stoned Smurfs**


"Hello, I am Ann Ryder from SPOT radio out of Potsville, Stoned Smurfs. We are broadcasting to you live outside of the Green Movements HQ. I have acquired a top secrete memo from President Pot himself declaring the two islands located to the east of the S.S.S.S. official territory. Many have considered the furthest island its own nation or that of the nation above it. We here at SPOT radio feel this is just another example of how oppressive our government is. The memo also outlines plans to turn each island into its own military base and conduct exercises on each. One island will be turned into a naval base and they plan to make a man made lake big enough to repair many major naval ships at once. The other will be strictly for air assaults and airports. We believe this should show all of Europa Pot's true intentions. The President and this administration is hell bent on ugh..."


The camera is knocked out of focus for a few seconds and then comes in to view once it is settled on the ground. What we see next is two rather large men dressed in dark blue suits angrily escort and woman and what appears to be an unconscious man off the premises.


**End of transmission**

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The Imperial Fleet has been deployed, leaving its secure harbour of Aldonville. The officially statement of the Naval Headquarters was they're just on a training mission in the Northern Ocean, nothing to worry about. Rumours however, said the SS Nordic Queen was standing by, should a conflict erupt. ohmy.gif

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The High Council of Vanarambaion today officially condemned the actions of the SSSS, and demanded the immediate release of the two islands. Marshal Christoph Tinsman, Acting Regent of the Realm gave a statement later this evening stating that the escalation of the situation by SSSS was inexcusable and put the army at high alert. angry.gif We will keep you informed on this breaking story.

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The threats received today by Vanarambaion did not sit with President Pot to well. As he stood on a dock at a military base watching heavy duty bull dozers and backhoes being loaded, about to be shipped out to the islands off of SSSS. As he scratched his head he spoke to an assistant standing near by.


"How serious are these threats?" Pot asked.


"Moderate." He replied.


"Pull out the SuperCarriers Molta and Fumar, fully loaded and send them into international waters between us and Vanarambaion. Get SSGPS over the waterways and I want every detail! Hear me? If a fish craps at the bottom of the ocean and it floats to close to SSSS I want to know about it." Pot said in almost one breath.


"Yes sir." His assistant replied as he hurried off to give out orders.


Pot then pulls out a metal tin, cracks it open and pulls a marijuana packed green leaf cigar and begins to smoke. He paces back and fourth while inhaling deeply. Something is brewing inside that mans head. God help us all.

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..:: Urgent Message ::..

To: Europa Naval HQ

From: Imperial Fleet, Nordic Queen


Sonar picked up noice - STOP - sounded like dept bombs - STOP - will investigate - STOP


Seconds later...

..:: Urgent Message ::..

To: Europa Naval HQ

From: Imperial Fleet, Nordic Queen


Radar found out - STOP - shoal of whales - STOP - one sick whale has constipation - STOP - Greetings - STOP


OOC: couldn't resist to make a joke about the fish crap wink.gif

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The mobilization of the Supercarriers didn't go unnoticed for long.


"Sir, they've sent two formerly idle ships into international waters! They're coming at us, sir!"


As alarms buzz around the city and residents scurry for cover and their radios, Grand Marshal Tinsman puts the army on full alert and issues immediate emergency mobilization of an additional 250,000 Army troops, and the entire Navy and Air Force (who usually are about 80% mobilized, so it's not tough to get the rest out.) In a radio address to the nation, now hunkered down in their bunkers, the Grand Marshal lays out the facts, -from an undisclosed location - by radio.


"People of Vanarambaion:

Today the Stoned Smurfs rejected our demands to pull out of the islands known as Lewes and Dewey. This territorial encroachment puts them closer to our shores and gives them sufficient launching grounds for a missile attack on the Fatherland. Without any official statement they commensed with their plans to occupy the islands and sent two Supercarriers into international waters - an unacceptable escalation of the situation. I've mobilized the military to protect the Fatherland and put the government on Red Alert , and will see to repulsing any attacks on our nation. God Save the King. God Save the Kingdom."


Oh, and three carrier groups are ready for deployment. They are deployed just inside territorial waters with orders to "if they see anything breathing to please rectify that situation." Several more carrier groups will be ready over the next few days, and volunteers are flooding the mobilization centers. (Compulsory military training and a militant population lead to that kind of thing, I guess) Land-based aircraft have commensed swarming patrols in Vanarambaion airspace and all commercial flights have been grounded.

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..:: Urgent Message ::..

To: Europa Naval HQ

From: Imperial Fleet, Nordic Queen


Sonar picked up noice - STOP - sounded like dept bombs - STOP - will investigate - STOP



..:: Urgent Message ::..

To: Europa Naval HQ

From: Imperial Fleet, Nordic Queen


Radar found out - STOP - shoal of whales - STOP - one sick whale has constipation - STOP - Greetings - STOP

Snickering softly, the junior officer hands the intercepts to his CO.


"What? Is something humorous, soldier?"


"No Sir!" the junior flits quickly out of the room.


'Heh,' the CO thinks as he reads the Europa's intercepts, 'the Marshal'll want to see these.'

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- Vanarambaion gets put on Red Alert, Pot says he's "not worried a bit" -


- SSSS National guard put on 24 hour stand-by, local recruit offices have been seen to have lines -


- The Green House confirmed Molta and Fumar have been deployed into international waters due to threats by Vanarambaion -


- Scientist confirm bad plankton is cause for a record number of constipated whales -


- Construction of the future home of the SSSS Navy has begun, groundbreaking ceremony to be held on both islands -


- SSSS has open trade in uranium to almost all nations around the world despite criticism from many allies -

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The SSSS Molta and Fumar Suppercarriers have made anchor in international waters and have begun survalience flybys but maintaining air space over international water.


The Fumar has made a request for a gunship and a few PT boats while the ship makes weapon upgrades leaving them vunerable. The SSSS government has not yet responded.

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In an official statement today, the Grand Marshal stated:


The Vanarambaion Parliament has today approved the extension of the international water to 12 nautical miles beyond our shores. This will allow our ships and aircraft to patrol to a greater range to protect our interests. Precident for this decision was given by the Territorial Sea Act of 1987 (OOC: this is a RL international law, if you want to look it up).


The Vanarambaion Parliament has also passed a resolution condemning the actions of the SSSS. They have called for an immediate step down of hostilities by both sides, and a temporary halting of the construction of naval bases, pending negotiations.


The Vanarambaion Parliament also capped the Army size at 1,000,000 men including the recent recruits. As the Army has already exceeded these limits, all remaining recruiting efforts have been halted, and the Vanarambaion Army will accept no more trainees until retirees have lowered the numbers below the acceptable level.

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Communiqué de presse

Our glorious president Jean-Louis Yorundu decided not to intervene. "We've got our own problems" he reportedly said. "Unless we're provoced, we will not dragged into one of these conflicts with some landgrabbing empire at the other end of the region." That's all he wanted to say on the current situation.

The president also said he would not comment on "rumours" in the press concerning the expansion of the Brawandian fleet.



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To: All nations concerned

From: HMFIC President Post

Re: Mind your own.


Greetings nations of Europa,


We hope this telegram finds you well. We shall keep this short as possible and cut right to the chase. With regard to the two small islands outside of the SSSS, we are acquiring them and do not care what the international community thinks about it no matter where they are on the map. Vanarambaion has made threats but they fall on deaf ears. Vanarambaion is all bark and no bite. As for the nation of Brawandi making statements we would like for them to realize we stay out of other nations matters unless they directly concern us and feel they should do the same.


We feel we do not need to remind any of you that the SSSS is the most secure against foreign aggression and top the UNs defense list. This, at times, makes fear no one. So please be warned that the mighty SSSS does not back down to any one and would hate to have to launch preemptive strikes against a hostile nation. We would not hurt anyone here in Europa but do not take kindly to threats. So in short and in our native tongue, dont let you mouth write a check your ass cant cash.



Thank you for your time,

President Pot

Leader of the Green Party Movement

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The newly crowned Emperor of Vanarambaion was visibly shaken at the press conference this afternoon, after receiving a translation of the message from SSSS. In his first statement after being crowned, the Emperor stated that the international community would have to decide whether mediation or military action was warranted at this point. He set a date of August 28, 2004, for the other countries of Europa to make their decision.


"Friends, Vanarambaions, and Countrymen:

Today, the SSSS has taken several steps toward a statement of war between our two nations. By their own admission, the SSSS has stated that they, and I quote, "do not care what the international community thinks about it no matter where they are on the map." Our nation has been accused of making, quote, "threats" against the people of SSSS, yet none of these supposed threats have been cited or produced, because they don't exist. Other nations have been blasted specifically by the statement released at 11:30 this evening. I call on the SSSS government to produce undeniable evidence of these threats to the SSSS, or back down from this allegation.


It is for these reasons that I ask the Vanarambaion Parliament to consider the following:

1. An immediate repeal of the cap on the Vanarambaion Army.

2. A condemnation of the unilateral actions taken by the SSSS.

3. A condemnation of the preemptive doctrine and imperialistic attitude of the SSSS.

4. A call to the international community to oppose this tyranny. Today it might be these two large islands far from your shores. Tomorrow it might be Vanarambaion. But then what? What about the day after that? Or the day after that? How many nations must fall for us to stand against this ridiculous doctrine?

5. A final call to the doves and cooler heads of the SSSS government to come to the bargaining table.

6. To authorize the Emperor to call the immediate mobilization of the Army, Navy, Marine Corps, Air Force, National Guard, Reserves, and Special Forces of the Vanarambaion military, should number 5 fail.

7. The immediate assessment of defensive capabilities of Vanarambaion.


The Holy Confederacy of Vanarambaion are a peaceful, diplomatic people with a history of warfare and strife. Our wish is not to revisit our roots, although we are not afraid to, but to call on the SSSS to come to the negotiations table. God Save the King. God speed."



Following the announcement, the Vanarambaion Parliament passed the 7-point plan unanimously - a rarity for the usually-divided body - due to intense political pressure applied by the people of Vanarambaion. Diplomatic orders were received by all Vanarambaion Ambassadors in all Europa nations requesting any available help, either militarily, logistically, or diplomatically. Special envoys were sent to Europa and Brawandi to increase the diplomatic presence in those countries. Diplomats were advised that any reasonable concessions would be considered by the Emperor, whose job it is to deal with foreign relations.

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With that sound the TV goes black and President Pot having just watched the Vanarambaion press announcement gets up and walks towards his office doors. As he opens the door he is greeted immediately by his head secretary, Miss Mary Jane Hempton, with a startling look on her face.


"This is getting way out of hand. This is way too big right now." She said. Before giving the President a chance to talk she continues. "The naval repair hub construction has only begun and if its attacked it would be useless to even attempt to complete it until long after any war or sanction and that in turn would mean all the money we spent making the lake and reinforcing the canal would be lost. That alone is 75% of the total cost."


"Calm down." Pot said. He then began to make his way to strategy room.


"What are we doing here? What do we tell the rest of the world?"


"Nothing." He was very calm when he said this. Maybe too calm.




"Nothing. Release a statement saying we are deploying three battle ships, two gunships and six PT boats to the Fumar and Molta to provided protection to them during their repairs and training exercises. Reassure the world that training is the only reason for our presence in open waters. Keep plans going on construction and completely ignore Vanarambaion or the situation for the moment."


She hurries down to her office while the President walks into a room filled with top military advisors. With that the doors close behind him.

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Emperor Mikael IX Palaiologos looked worried after seeing the Vanabraion press announcement. He was sitting at the end of large table in the strategy room of imperial palace. Around the table were also sitting Foreign minister Argyrus, Defence Minister Staurakios and commanders of the naval forces, air forces, and army.


"We have the seeds of major war here." Emperor said " If it escalates any further our naval traderoutes are in danger like the trade minister yesterday said. We must act upon this!"


"Angelos" Emperor then continued after few seconds of silence. "I want you to deploy two naval fleets. One for maximum home sea-security and other for the defence of our trade routes."


Naval commander stood up hit his chest with his right hand in fist and said " Hagia Basileia! Consider it done."


"Zenon" Emperor then continued turning to the army commander. " Mobilize half of the maximum forces. Especially Imperial Guard must be in full alert.


Army commander also stood up hit his chest and said "Hagia Basileia". And like the naval commander he then remained standing waiting for permission to leave to his duties.


"Order our ambassadors in SSSS and Vanabraion to inform the rulers that we intend to keep good relations to both countries but we request them to leave southern seas out of this conflict or we must consider that they threaten our trade and we are forced to act accordingly." Emperor said to the Foreign minister. Argyrus nodded slightly and made some notes in the papers before him.


"You may leave." the Emperor said looking for everyone in the room. All stood up and others bowed to the emperor after which they left the room.

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Early this morning, under thick clouds of fog, seven submarines with full armement left Nordhaven. At the same time, six more submarines left Zuidhaven and nine departed from the Orion Naval Island. In total, twenty-two submersibles left Orion for international waters. It is not known where they are headed or when they will return. The Orioni Government supplied the Europa Broadcasting Consortium (EBC) with a very brief statement saying "People need not be alarmed, we are only partialy mobilizing a small component of our navy for military manoeuvres of unknown duration. Such exercises are part of the professional training our soldiers and officers receive."



user posted image

Picture of submarine departing from Nordhaven.


user posted image

Picture of submarine departing from Orion Naval Island.

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"What do you mean, 'they disappeared'?! 20 nuclear submarines DON'T JUST VANISH! Get me a goddamn location, pronto!"

"It was 22, sir," the petty chief squeaked out.

The look he got from the General would have melted a diamond at forty paces. Sweat sprung out on the petty chief's face.


As General Guderian turned away, he calmed visibly. That was not the issue at hand that needed his attention. He doubted the Orionians would do anything foolish. Just out to "protect their interests" no doubt. Code-speak for "they want front seats to Armageddon. But the SSSS, on the other hand... He strode on into the green room for the press briefing chamber. Waving off the makeup people with a "I don't need any goddamn hoochy paint," he pushed through the curtains and took the podium. There were no press in the room, just a lone camera. This was a select audience.


"Officers, enlisted men, fellow brothers in arms:


The SSSS has today reenforced the Supercarriers waiting near our shores. They did not issue any statements, nor even give a reason why those ships were in a threatening position to our country, much less why they needed to send more. These intruders are looking more and more like an invasion force, and if they try to add any more to our waters, we have no choice but to go to war. I have no doubt that this message is being received by foreign countries, as the code is very simple. We cannot allow any country to annex a free-standing spit of land so close to the Fatherland that could and is being turned into a base for offensive warfare. That's unacceptable. They refuse to come to the bargaining table so we could discuss and agree on the terms of their annexation and building on the two islands. That's unacceptable. And they continue to use threats of force, through the use of carriers near our shores, to goad us into submission. That is absolutely unacceptable. There is no reason, no motive, behind this expansion, and the government of the SSSS has been silent about its reasoning behind the proposed annexation. What are we supposed to think? That a peaceful mission needs to include two carrier ships? I say that's bull**it. I call on the SSSS government to come out of their radio silence and tell us what the blazes they think they're doing over there. I call on the international community to stand up and say that they're not going to sit around and wait to be the target of aggression themselves in the future. I call on you to do your duty. That is all, men." **Salutes smartly**


With a click, the camera shuts off and men in uniform all over the world cheer and head off to do their duties. The general always did have that special morale-boosting touch.


As his arm returns to his side, the General starts thinking again. What the hell was going on? Why were they being so closed. Frankly he didn't care what they were doing with the islands, just so long as he knew what it was, and could get them to agree that it wasn't directed against Vanarambaion, and never would be. Ah, which reminded him. "Gina, are the satellite pictures in from the pass over those islands?"

"Yessir, they're on their way."

"I want them at my desk before I am," he barked over his shoulder as he strode down the hall. "And get me relatively reliable information on those subs. Now!"

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Today at noon two heavy naval fleets left the harbours of Konstantinopoli and smyrna. The fleet that left from smyrna consisted of battleships Justinianus and Konstantinus and heavy aircraft carrier Solon. Escorting them were two class Poseidon light cruisers, three class Nereid destroyers and three class Triton frigates. The fleet directed to north-west and spred so that it could protect entire coast of Byzantium.


The other fleet consisted of aircraft carriers Eos, Helios and Nyks which each had escort of two destroyers and two frigates of beforementioned classes. Also pocket battleship Belisarius was in this fleet followed by heavy cruiser Kroton.

This fleet sailed directly westward.

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The people of Huntsburg have become understandibly disturbed by the events unfolding in the northwest and demand that their government issue a statement.


Today at 0930 hours, the President of Huntsburg publicly addressed the issue on international television, simulcast in every known language of the region. What follows is a transcript of the statement.


"To the people of Huntsburg and our fellow member states of the Region of Europa, the time has come for Huntsburg to establish itself with regards to international security within the Region."


"With regards to the seizure of the two islands off the coast of S.S.S.S., Huntsburg will not interviene and officially recognizes them as territory of S.S.S.S."


"However, Huntsburg hopes that S.S.S.S. will cease their conquests there. In the event that S.S.S.S., or ANY other nation attempts to invade ANY nation within this region, Huntsburg officially promises to lend military support to the defending state, solely for the purpose of repelling their borders!"


"Due to our compulsory military service, approximately 50% of our population is on active duty at all times, upgradable to 80% of the total population when reserves are activated. This translates to a substantial military presence, which is centrally located within the region, and as such easily deployable to any part of the region within 72 hours"


"May the people of the world know that Huntsburg is a peace loving nation, but that we will not tolerate the oppression or invasion of any nation within our region and from this day forth, we make our military resources available for DEFENSIVE PURPOSES ONLY to any and all nations within this region."


"Should any nation require our assistance, we request that a telegram be sent to Huntsburg outlining the situation and specifying the resources requested and we will respond upon careful evaluation of both the situation and the request to ensure that Huntsburg acts in the best interests of the Region."


"With hopes of continued regional peace, the people of Huntsburg bid you farewell."

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"In response to the increasing tensions in the northwest, combined with long range recon flights over the area, several launces have been seen originating from the St. Mary Space Center throughout the day. Officials there refuse to comment on the payload, simply stating that they are of a classified nature."


"Officials at the Huntsburg Naval Station in Saint Mary have announced that they have deployed a number of units which presumably are enroute to the northwestern sea. Although officials will not coment on the exact number of naval ships which have been deployed, this reporter has personally counted two aircraft carriers, four battleships, six destroyers, and an unknown number of submarines departing the port here on a westernly heading."


"In addition, there are unconfirmed reports that Huntsburg has stepped up activities at it's Salarium Military Air Field in the north."




"This just in, Military leaders have confirmed the activation of Huntsburg's reserve forces, and request that any troops who have not yet already been notified please contact their commanding officers for orders."


"We will keep you notified as new information develops."

"From the Saint Mary Naval Station, I'm Paul Yawn, HBC News."

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These are short messages to different parts of the region being made public but meant in a private manner.



To: Huntsburg

From: The S.S.S.S.


Dear friends, Thank you for the words of wisdom. We wish everyone had the same sight as you. We give you our word that we mean no harm in acquiring the islands. We are even going to have national animal reserves for endangered species. We are sorry to announce that no plans will be halted. We are on a peaceful endeavor and this situation is being caused by a paranoid and war hungry nation. All lines of communication are open and feel free to use them



To: Byzantium Nova

From: The S.S.S.S.


Greetings, We think that our first interactions with Byzantium Nova will be a pleasant one but feel we need to ask some rather direct questions. First, we have noticed the recent military activity in you nation recently and would like to know your stance. We also would like to know the destination of the fleet heading westward from your nation. I am sure other nations that you're cruising towards would like an explanation as well.



To: Vanarambaion

From: The S.S.S.S.


Your hostile actions will only result in a total loss in your military as well as any civilian losses that occur in result of war. We do not want war but would not hesitate in a second to destroy your nation. Please cease your hostile words and actions and keep your distance. You have been warned.

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These messages are too meant private manner but made public


To: The S.S.S.S

From: Byzantium Nova


We also greet you and hope to keep good relations with you. It is understandable that our recent activities may seem alarming. Our mobilization and naval activities are just caused by the fact that our primary naval traderoutes outside Europa may be in danger. This is why we are sending some ships in western ocean just to strengthen our wish that southern seazones are kept outside of possible conflict. Our navy has strict orders not to start any hostilities with anyone and they will be recalled home as soon as the situation normalizes.


To: Huntsburg, Selene2u, Orioni, San Ba and Castillanos

From: Byzantium Nova


Our fleet will pass near your national waters but our intention is not to threaten you. Their destination is the western ocean and purpose to protect our interests there.



By the time these messages are received byzantine fleet is seen east of Ju?qi?o Space center well outside of San Ba?s national waters and it is cruising north- west with full speed.

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Dear President Pot;


Thank you for your assurance that your intentions are peaceful and for keeping the lines of communication open. Until we see proof of otherwise, we shall take your word that your intentions are not hostile. Though the people of Huntsburg would like to take every nation at it's word, it should be understandable that we have the need to protect the interests of both our own nation as well as those of the rest of the region.


As you may have noticed, we have mobilized a naval fleet that is headed in your direction. At this time, they are anchored off the coast of unoccupied land number 32, with instructions to hold that position awaiting further orders.


It is with the greatest hopes that this mobilization has been for naught, however, we must be prepared for anything. It is our intention that the presence of our fleet shall help to act as a deterant to any nation planning military strikes in the area, but our fleet is in position to offer support to any who may need it.


With best regards and wishes for continued peace,


The United Socialist States of Huntsburg

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"Sonar to Bridge, Contact bearing 090, heading 270, speed 5 knots, range 500 yards"


"Bridge to Sonar, can you identify it? Is it one of ours?"


"Sonar to Bridge, identity unknown."


"Bridge to Torpedo Room, ready tubes 1 and 4. Stand by."


"Radio, get on the horn to the admiral and see if they know who that is out there."




"Captain, the Admiral reports that they do not know who our contact is. They advise to continue tracking it but not to make any actions which may be construed as hostile. We are here on a peace keeping mission."


"I am well aware of why we are here seaman but I will not needlessly jeapordize this ship."


"Bridge to Sonar, do you still hold the contact?


"Sonar to Bridge, aye sir. Contact bearing 093, heading 275, speed 8 knots, range 350 yards."


"Bridge to Sonar, continue tracking and keep me informed."


"Sonar to Bridge, Aye Aye sir!"




"Sonar to Bridge, screws in the water!! Torpedo bearing 094, heading 272, speed 20 knots, range 300 yards and closing fast!! She's coming right at us sir!!!"


"Helmsman, evasive maneuvers, come about and deploy countermeasures, full reverse!!!"


"Shall we return fire sir?"


"Negative, not until we know who we are dealing with, I don't want to start an international war! Get on the radio and inform the fleet of the situation. I want to know who the hell just fired on us NOW!!!"


"Sonar to Bridge, detonation detected. Countermeasures were effective. Unknown contact is lost. Will continue looking and update."

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The President steps out onto the stage behind the podium and adjusts his glasses with a grave look of concern on his face.


"My fellow nations of Europa, today one of our peace keeping submarines that was dispatched to the northwest sea was fired upon by a vessel of unknown origin. The torpedo missed, and we did not return fire however, this is unacceptable. I now call to the nation responsible to come forth and publicly explain their actions."


"At this time we are conducting our own investigation using all available intelligence sources. If we do not recieve an explanation from the nation responsible before we conclude our investigation, we shall have no choice but to view this as a blatent and intentional act of aggression requiring immediate retaliation."


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