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[Academy RP] News Anchors: Nude Anchors Anger New Anglers


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"Welcome back to 'Here in Birina in These Days, Today', the only propaganda outlet legally recognized as a children's show. I'm your female host, Gloria Lightly."

"And I'm your actual host, John Zachman. We're going to take you to the Delta Coast, which is a coast here in Birina, where some fishermen are complaining about heavy objects they throw in the water."

"And for those of you who are watching us right now and listening to my words." Gloria continued for him, "I want to make clear that John and I live in a city. These fishermen do not. So we are going to be very patronizing and condescending, talk about fifty percent slower, and ask them questions that might be more appropriately asked of a child. Essentially, we are going to act like they are morons and we are untouchable deities."

"Looks like we're connected with the morons now via satellite feed. How are you guys doing today?"

"Woooow, that's a really neat boat you've got there!" Gloria said while nodding and smiling, "Does it go faaaast?"

"Well, things could be going better." The fisherman, who was dressed like a fisherman, replied. "All of our anchors are corroding because the supply chain to provide the varnish has totally fallen apart. It just goes to show that in our era of interconnectedness as things become more efficient they also become more fragile. And you're going to see impacts on the grocery store shelf as soon as next week."

"Hold on, hang on. Wait a minute. Hold on." Gloria interjected, visibly taken aback, "Are you telling me... that this is where food comes from? It doesn't just magically appear in artisanal grocery stores in trendy neighborhoods that I pushed poor people out of? DoesΒ allΒ my food come from people I look down on? Or only fish?"

"What is your plan to make sure I have halibut next week?" John said, speaking over Gloria because his voice was stronger and more masculine.

"Well, right now we are using smaller skiffs, John. For instance I went out today in essentially a rowboat. I caught a massive swordfish and had to bear that swordfish, like a burden but you know, a burden I chose. A sacrifice that I willingly took on."

"Wow." Gloria said, "So sort of a Christ-like metaphor."

"What? No, I don't see how you could get that." the fisherman shook his head, "At various points in my journey back, sharks took bites out of my swordfish and gave me nothing in return. I did it all with no help or assistance."

"So sort of like the stations of the cross...?" John asked, scratching his chin.

"Gosh! What is it with you people!? No, the fish was just a fish! At one point I laid back on my row boat in a very specific pose, with my arms outstretched to either side for balance and my legs extended."

"Okay, so basically you're Jesus."

"Yeah, basically."

"Glad you cleared that up so I can cut you off without giving you the chance to say anything else." John said, pointing at the camera for some reason, "Next we're going to talk to some bumpkin who grows, I don't know, corn or something dumb like that."

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