The Financial Gazette

[Hinterlands]

THE WEEK IN REVIEW - 26th JUNE, 2021

The Anglian Conflict

CEO Francis LaCroix after a parliamentary meeting last Wednesday has once again refused to take sides on the recent Anglian led conflicts in Europa. "The affairs of Europa are not the affairs of The Hinterlands," CEO LaCroix was quoted as saying, "I have no intention of becoming the policeman of the wurld, or entering into a war we have no stake in." LaCroix refused to comment further on allegations that Wormwood International, one of the largest mercenary corporations in the Hinterlands, has made increased purchases of ammuniton and weaponry.

Automotive War Rages on for 5th Week

The legal battle between Morvos Motors and General Electromotive over the conversion of internal combustion cars to electric power has entered it's fifth week. General Electromotive, the leading force in the electric car revolution, has been offering conversion services to cars since 2016. Morvos Motors, the largest manufacturer in The Hinterlands, has issued a suit against the firm, alledging that the removal of the combustion engines from Morvos cars constitutes tampering, violating the agreement made when purchasing Morvos cars that no unauthorised alterations may be made to the engine. Although accusations have been made of Morvos Motors having vested interests in overseas oil producing firms, in addition to the fact that several car models listed in the court documents have not been manufactured and are not supported by official Morvos garages for 60 years, however Morvos' legal tems has denied these claims.

Pharmaceutical Firms See Increase in Shares

Following the success of the Ateenian Miðnóttleysa festival, shares of recreational pharmaceutical companies have increased by an average of 15%. Shipments of LSD, magic mushrooms, and cannabis have risen year on year, attributed to the implementation of the Drug and Narcotics Commission (DaNC) in 2019, an independent entity focused on ensuring the quality of drugs comsumed and shipped abroad. Earlier today, Edward van Donitz, Chief Executive of Hoffmann Laboratories, announced an expansion into Ulfheimer. Speaking at a shareholder's meeting earlier this afternoon, van Donitz was quoted as saying: "The Ulfheimer people have strong and valuable traditions. It is our responsibility, as a caring and ethical company, to ensure the narcotics utilised in their affairs are of the highest quality." 

[Hinterlands]

15th August, 2021

EARLY EDITION

POLICE DEPARTMENTS ANNOUNCE MORE PRECINCTS TO BE PRIVATISED

 

In a report published last night, police departments across The South Oregon Hinterlands announced additional precincts are to be sold off to private security contractors.

Police departments across the nation have been hit hard by budget cuts, with many selling off precincts to external contractors, or in some cases privatising themselves, offering police services on a subscription basis, ranging from standard membership to platinum.

Nowhere City has received the brunt of the selloffs, as the percentage of privately run precincts has risen to 53%. Residents of these precincts have mixed views of the selloffs.

”I’ve never felt safer,” states Henry Moss, a resident of New Godstone Island. “I can walk the streets at night knowing I won’t have to look over my shoulder anymore, and the new security teams have a much faster response time.” 

This sentiment is not universal however. “I’ve seen people beat up for parking violations,” says Maurice Hilton, a long term resident of the Pendle Bay public housing project. “The only time they come out here is to look for people who’ve committed a crime somewhere else. They’re trying to smoke us out. They never mention in the reports that the company who owns the security forces are buying up all the buildings here.”

When asked for a quote, we received no answer from the NCPD headquarters, or from Branchland Security, the firm responsible for the policing of Mr Hilton’s precinct.

[Hinterlands]

10th November, 2021

Automotive War concludes with General Electromotive Victory

The long lasting courtroom conflict between automotive giant Morvos Motors and General Electromotive has ended, with a jury of peers determining that consumers have the right to replace internal combustion engines with electric replacements. In a statement given today outside the Supreme Court Building in New Godstone Island, GE CEO Gerald Funke said this; “This victory is not just for myself, but for the consumers of this Confederacy. The right of self repair and modification has been solidified by this landmark case.” Morvos Motors did not respond to our requests for a comment. Share prices of Morvos Motors have fallen by 7% since the ruling.

More Top Stories:

Bookmakers report rise in profits due to betting on Rhodellian child duel 

438 lb Edgewood man arrested for assaulting delivery driver; “He forgot my f*cking soda.”

Fraiser DuCarthy’s Fashion Column: My top ten concealed holsters for the workplace

Road rage related shootings increase by 6%

[Hinterlands]

15th December, 2021

General Electromotive CEO killed in traffic incident

Gerald Funke, Chief Executive of General Electromotive was involved in a fatal road traffic accident late last night, New Godstone Island authorities report. Funke, aged 43, was travelling through the Manson Tunnel when at approximately 23:40 his GE car collided with a support column, causing the electric battery system to combust. The resulting fire has made any investigations difficult, however the New Godstone Island coroner has been reported as stating that no foul play is suspected. The accident serves as a blow to General Electromotive, which last month celebrated a landmark legal victory against industry juggernaut Morvos Motors. With the demise of its charismatic frontman, GE stock has plummeted this morning. 

 

Tricentenary Plans Marred by Corruption Scandal

The committee for the celebration of our nation’s tricentenary celebrations, due to be held throughout 2024, have been rocked by allegations of corruption and fund siphoning levied against the chairmen. The budget for the events have been raised by nearly 50% since 2019, to an amount of approximately 23 million shillings, however leaks from within the staff reveal how the ten chairmen purchased extravagant gifts for themselves and their families, with one buying himself, his wife and eldest daughter each a personalised Morvos Imperial sedan, which can cost up to 850,000 shillings. The lead chairman has been unavailable for comment.

 

More Top Stories:

Edgewood voted Worst Place to Live for 7th year running

Ateenian Man arrested for attempting ritual sacrifice in Huntsburg dog park

Nowhere City man survives fall from 50 floor building, says “This is the exact opposite of what I wanted.”

Edited December 15, 2021 by Hinterlands
edited time in GE article because 12 hour clock times are for troglodytes (see edit history)

[Hinterlands]

30th December, 2021

 

Morvos Motors purchases General Electromotive

Morvos Motors announced earlier today the purchase of electric car manufacturer and converters General Electromotive. GE, who’s founder and chief executive Gerald Funke was killed earlier this month in an incident with his GE Nimbus coupe, was sold to the automobile giant for an undisclosed amount, estimated to have been around 4.3 billion shillings. This marks the latest purchase by the rapidly growing Morvos Group conglomerate, which in late 2019 added designer arms manufacturer Flayke and Bash to it’s interests. As of today the official inquest into Mr Funke’s death is expected to conclude by the end of the week, with the cause of death being determined as trauma caused by the crash, believed to have been caused by a malfunction in the computer system controlling the ABS systems on the car, a surprise to safety regulators, as the system was designed with several failsafes and has not been known to have caused any previous malfunctions.

 

More Top Stories:

Huntsburg man wins right to marry pillow

Number of Nowhere City residents who haven’t left their apartment in over six months rises to 12%
 

Body found in Edgewood industrial park, police fear a serial killer may be at large

[Hinterlands]

10th January, 2022

Anglian Embassy Closed after Riots

The Anglian Embassy has officially closed down, with the last members of staff departing from NCX earlier today as a result of the New Years Day riots. The attack occurred in the early hours of the first of January, after negative reception to the King’s Speech which was broadcasted by Anglian media sources. Approximately 300 citizens descended on the high rise building, launching projectiles and fireworks into windows until the riot was dispersed at around 11am. It is currently unknown whether the Embassy will reopen or be set up in another area of the city, with all staff being transported to an undisclosed location for their own safety.

This is another blow to the already strained relations between the Confederate government and the Anglian regime, with relations deteriorating after the sanction on trade late last year. Many participants in the riot stated they were protesting the content of the King’s speech, stating they have no desire to rejoin the nation that abandoned the nation during the Great Famine of 1620, in which the Anglian king refused to send supplies to colonists after an unusually harsh winter and summer resulted in poor crop yields. This sentiment was echoed in a speech given today at Parliament Tower by the leader of the Confederate Liberty Party, Mr Wyndham-Smyth. “The attacks on Anglian embassy workers were an unjustifiable act. These workers had no input on the speech given on New Years Day, and strive to improve relations between our nations. However, the people of this Confederacy have spoken. The people of this great nation have survived, despite hardships, and have forged their own path. For nigh on three hundred years, this nation has fought for freedom. And the citizens of this nation will continue to do so. We have no interest in conflict, but will not stand for oppression or rule from foreign shores.” 

More Top Stories:

Rhodellian Man found living in Amber Lake State Park after 5 years, permitted right to continue residence

 

[Hinterlands]

Hinterian Citizens Advised to Vacate Anglia

The government has joined other nations of Eurth in advising Hinterian citizens to vacate the territories of Anglia. All non essential travel to the nation has been advised against, with many Hinterian companies shuttering operations in the nation. This comes after last year’s trade embargo issued following heightened aggression, and the expulsion of non essential Anglian diplomats from the Nowhere City embassy following widespread riots following an incendiary New Years Day speech from the monarchy. Chief Executive LaCroix had this to say; 

“The state of Anglia has proved that it is not willing to cooperate with the international community. This government cannot allow the citizens of this confederacy to risk their safety by visiting Anglia for the foreseeable future.”

This measure has provoked condemnation from the corporate sector however. The Morvos Group issued a statement today condemning “Further action taken by this government to stifle free trade, in addition to the embargo issued last year.”

Volkscast Creator Missing in Edgewood

Popular Rhodellian Volkscaster Explorernator has been declared missing today. The creator, 23 year old Herman Krupp, is known for his urban exploration videos in his hometown in eastern Rhodellia. Krupp, who had recently reached a 750,000 subscriber milestone, was in Edgewood for a fan meet and greet, having built a substantial following amongst younger Hinterians. Edgewood is well known for its vast swathes of abandoned buildings, following the dissolution of the Edgewood Steel Corporation in 1979.

It is believed from interviews and hints on Krupp’s Wittier page that he was planning on exploring the Steel Corporation’s headquarters and releasing a video on the 5th of February. When no video was published, and after Krupp failed to return to Rhodellia, a missing person’s enquiry was opened. Although the police theorise Krupp was fatally injured in the decrepit building he was exploring, there are fears his disappearance is the fault of a mystery killer, known as the Edgewood Ripper.

Those who have information regarding Mr Krupp should contact the Edgewood Police Department.

[Hinterlands]

War in Baltica

Civil war has broken out in Baltica. Yesterday at 12 pm during a government meeting a military coup took place, resulting in the death of several officials, with several factions taking control of sections of the nation. As of this moment Chief Executive LaCroix is holding a parliament session regarding the conflict. Many commentators are expecting LaCroix to stay to the course of official neutrality, a policy that has been followed since 1950, however with tensions rising due to the Anglian Crisis, some are theorising troops may be deployed to support factions opposed to the Anglian regime.

The government has issued a decree advising citizens not to make plans to travel to Baltica unless necessary, and has requested all Hinterians currently in the nation to leave as soon as it is safe to do so. Although private flights have not been banned at this point, many firms have voluntarily ceased service to all Baltican airports. Those choosing to fly into Baltica, and the companies still doing so, have been advised that the government will not pay any ransom or other demands if passengers or crew are captured, and that any loss of personal possessions, injuries, loss of limbs or death are the responsibility of the individual.

Private Contractor firms Wormwood International and Barrett Securities have seen a slight rise in their share prices following the civil war, and a Wormwood spokesman issued a statement, advising that they are, as always, open for business.

Other Top Stories

Baxter’s used car trade plan: How selling your old car can save you money and help those abroad

Sponsored Ad: Try the new Capítan Chicken’s™ Turbo Taco™! 5 cheeses, 3 meats, all in a jumbo sized taco shell made from Atomic Cheddar™ flavour Loritato™ chips!

Edited February 28, 2022 by Hinterlands (see edit history)

[Hinterlands]

THE FINANCIAL GAZETTE: 200 YEARS OF REPORTING

April 6th, 2022 marks two hundred years since the Financial Gazette first entered print, starting off as a pet project of Nowhere City corn trader Howard Gillmore in his basement. To celebrate this anniversary, alongside our regular articles, we'll be recommending a selection of articles from the past two hundred years, carefully extracted from our archives and uploaded to this site. If you wish to browse our complete digitised library, click the link at the bottom of this article.

Murderer's Execution Botched

August 9th, 1954

The execution of convicted murderer Michael Harper today ended with a bang, as a malfunction with the electric chair used resulted in a spectacle described by most in attendance as "gruesome and horrifying". Harper, who was convicted of the murder of his wife Judy Harper in their Edgewood home in 1952, had a final meal of eggs benedict, lobster tail, and five bottles of soda, alongside a pack of cigarettes provided by Morwood Cigarettes. Upon entering the chamber, Harper made a statement in which he once again protested his innocence, before being sat in the chair. Upon activation, sparks flew from the wiring behind the chair, and one officer was concussed after tripping over a Morwood Cigarettes promotional cut-out, resulting in a hospital stay, partially paid for by Morwood Cigarettes. Although the gory details have been deemed by the editors of this newspaper to be unfit for print, full details are expected to be revealed at a Parliament Hill inquest later this week, where the members will debate on the death penalty.

If you are interested in reading the full article, please click this link.

 

Morvos releases new patent details

At a conference today, the Morvos Group released new details on a patent filed for an employee safety device. Known as the Morvos Safety Vessel in internal specifications, some groups have condemned the new device, branding it as a 'wage cage'. The device, which is operated by one employee inside a cage like structure atop the chassis, contains features such as a intercom for communication with management, a light that can be activated for emergencies or to alert others of it's presence, a CCTV camera to ensure employee safety, and a biometric lock to prevent theft or hijackings. 

Some groups, however, have criticised the device, pointing out the fact that the intercom is a one way system, and the biometric lock cannot be opened from inside the safety chassis. Morvos has declined to comment on this, stating "The Safety Vehicle is designed with the best interests of out employees in mind. Full details of the safety vehicle will be released later this year.

 

Edited March 30, 2022 by Hinterlands (see edit history)

[Hinterlands]

THE FINANCIAL GAZETTE: 200 YEARS OF REPORTING

Gold Panner Hits Oil

July 20th, 1866

The small mining town of Clarence Hill in the Northern Territory is awash with jubilation today, as the town celebrates alongside it's new wealthiest resident. Charles Morris, aged only 22, was on an expedition by the Intrian Sea last Friday to pan for gold and amber, during which he uncovered a reservoir of oil whilst digging in search of a gold vein. It is unknown how much oil the reservoir contains, however after establishing the first well and completing the first sale earlier today, Charles is ecstatic. "First, I'm going to build a railroad" the young entrepreneur stated. "Something to transport my oil across the country, down to the big city perhaps." The celebration was not without tragedy, however, as during the expedition that lead to the discovery of the black gold, Morris' employer, Mr Henry Vostrom, aged 55,  was tragically killed in an accidental weapons discharge, caused by a fault in his rifle's trigger. He has no known relatives. Morris states that he plans to honour his employer's legacy by naming his new company, in part, after him. "This oil is half his, it may as well have half his name on it." Papers filed today state the name of this company is to be Morvos Petroleum and Tar.

If you are interested in reading the full article, please click this link.

 

Ramadan Celebrations Begin

Ramadan Celebrations have begun in Nowhere City, as the Muslim population prepares for the month long fast. Lights were strung up in the district of Little Fulgistan, and worshippers gathered to begin prayers. "Ramadan is a time for contemplation, and self control." Imam Zhang. "It is important in these troubled times to reflect on one's self, and what is truly important." 

Bishop Hayes wished a happy Ramadan for those partaking, joining the government officials and corporations who have already done so. Eichhörn & Stowe has offered employees flexible working hours, offering the chance to switch shifts with staff until after Ramadan in order to work shorter hours during the festive months. 

When dusk breaks, it is expected that Iftar meals will be held across the city in order to break the fasting. Saint Viktor's Cathedral in New Godstone Island is holding a communal Iftar feast in order to celebrate and promote unity between Hinterians. Bishop Hayes had this to say; "At a time when the wurld is becoming more divided, it is important to remember what we all have in common." Hayes and Zhang have issued invitations to all who wish to join.

[Hinterlands]

THE FINANCIAL GAZETTE

Smuk Lost in Mineshaft: Investor Insight

Billionaire Noel Smuk was reported missing earlier this week in a disused mineshaft in the nation of Garindina, after a series of cryptic Wittier posts. Smuk, famous for his ventures into the fields of social media and cryptocurrencies, is believed to have ventured into the Chernyye Kholmy coal mine in order to prove the pseudoscientific belief that the Eurth is in fact, hollow.

Smuk's last communication came via a Wittier posted at 7:41 local time, in which Smuk claimed that he was going to prove wrong his 'haters'. Edison Motors as of yet has not released a statement regarding the disappearance of Smuk, however leaked internal communications reveal plans to 'just stick a drill on the front of one of our show models. that ought to work, right?'

As of today, Edison stock prices have dropped by 12%, with the current price at 239 Shillings. Investors are poised, as Smuks death may be the killing blow for Edison Motor's and Smuk's other ventures, including the Bincoin crypto currency which Smuk heavily promotes. Analysts are predicting a sharp rise in value on the event of Smuk's rescue, however time will tell how long it will be until Smuk's own self described unorthodox leadership practices effect the going rate.

Two Injured, One Dead in Nowhere City Duel

Officers of the Nowhere City Police Department and Wormwood Private Security associates swarmed Freedom Park in the early hours of the morning today after reports of a duel gone wrong emerged. The north eastern section of Freedom Park, located on New Godstone Island only three blocks from Parliament Hill, remains closed. Early reports indicate that a group of approximately 20 gathered in the early hours of Wednesday morning to witness the duel, believed to have been inspired by the duel between Rhodellian teens Paul Kühn and Leon Lange, which took place in 2021 and was widely reported by glubal media. Details regarding the combatants are not clear at this time, however initial reports state that the two combatants are both men in their mid thirties. The cause of this duel are as of yet unknown, however several Wittier posts have claimed the duel originated from a disagreement between the two men regarding the animated show 'Mega Waifu Harem Adventures'.

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