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[NEWS] RSC National Chronicle


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The RSC National Chronicle (or "Republica de San Castellino National Chronicle" of its full name) is the official newspaper (both print and television) of the government and the party. It is also the only authorized media in San Castellino. It is of nationalist tendency, deeply Catholic, anti-communist, anti-anarchist, quite francophobic and slightly anti-European. The newspaper, which is a widely used propaganda tool, is often untrustworthy and gives a very subjective opinion.

Edited by San Castellino (see edit history)
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Jingle, a patriotic nationalist san castellinos song. Hugo Illamen, the TV presenter nicknamed the "voice of Gazallenoa", is sitting in his seat.

- "San Castellinos, San Castellinossa, my dear compatriots. I am Hugo Illamen, your favorite TV presenter live from the RSC National Chronicle TV studios. First of all, we are going to talk about the new laws passed in an absolutely democratic, constitutional and corruption-free manner by the party last week. Then we'll talk about the news of the day with our reporter Elio dom Ursullo."

He's putting his glasses back on.

- "Today, with the agreement of the President of the Republic, the National-Capitalist Pact passed two new laws, which are as follows. The first, created in the continuity of the "anti-luxury" program, increases the penalty for same-sex sexual relations between people of the same sex - commonly known as homosexuals - from 20 years in a sexual re-education center to the death penalty. Hopefully this will curb the evil of homosexuality. The second law, proposed by the eminent General Sergio Tameni, obliges anyone with capital equivalent to less than 1,000,000 pesetas who wishes to obtain San Castellinos nationality to pass an anti-communist test. The purpose of the test is to verify that immigrants to San Castellino are not spies in the service of the pro-European communist imperialistic dictatorships.

Now, we're going to talk about the news of the day and more precisely of the morning."

He looks at his notes for a few seconds and continues.

- "Drugs. Today, a superb descent by our glorious gendarmerie forces, since a brigade this morning found a kilo of cocaine from the car of the prefect of Montedoux. He did not fail to congratulate them.
Dead. Today, the anarchist leader Michel Dupond was found dead in his apartment with a knife in his back, right in the middle of his shoulder blades. The gendarmerie is thinking that it is suicide.
Demonstration. Today, during the military march of our glorious Supreme Leader, the inhabitants of the capital could not hide their joy."

The screen now shows Elio dom Ursullo on a large avenue. Behind him, General Di Foxycionni marches in the presidential car with a few tanks and a few hundred soldiers in front and behind him. In front of the general, a hundred angry demonstrators shout slogans like "Down with dictatorship! 禄. Some even try to throw paving stones at the general, but they don't achieve their goal.

- "Yes, that's right, Hugo. The people of Gazallenoa have today come en masse to celebrate their joy to see the almighty Supreme Leader in power and to witness the demonstration of the glory that blesses our beautiful nation."

*The image suddenly returns to Illamen. He's listening to his earpiece.*

- "Ah, wait, the control room tells me it' s a sensitive image. So I wish you a good day and see you tomorrow. Now a page of advertising."

Ending jingle, same patriotic nationalist san castellinos song.

Edited by San Castellino (see edit history)
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  • 2 weeks later...

Jingle, a patriotic san castellinos song. Hugo Illamen, the TV presenter, is sitting in his seat.

- "San Castellinos, San Castellinossa, my dear compatriots. I am Hugo Illamen, your favorite TV presenter live from the RSC National Chronicle TV studios."

He says with his usual captivating smile, perfectly combining charisma and vanity.

- "Today, following a slightly poorer than usual harvest, farmers in the Lower Chanchel region have been affected by a famine for the past few months. Indeed, a study carried out by the Ministry of Information and Propaganda proves that, in Lower Chanchel, 90% of the households do not have enough to eat and that 20% of the population would be subjected to diet, and sometimes even to famine. A few hundred deaths have already been counted and, according to statistics, it seems that Muslim minorities are twice as affected by this famine. But you want to know what I think? You're watching to my show so I'm assuming yes. I think it's time to tell them what we think of them, the Muslims. I think it's time to pay them back for viciously introducing ungodliness and sin into our glorious nation.聽 I say we should all rise up against them and go and burn their damn mosques as they have burned national purity! Who's with me?! Who's bloody with me?!"

One can hear the enthusiastic applause of the spectators on the spot and even a few whistles of approval. Hugo Illamen slowly nods his head as he sweeps across the crowded bleachers, savouring his popularity with complacency. He waves his hand and the audience is silent, like a dog with its master.

- "They had everything, the Muslims, in Lower Chanchel. They had food, they had work, and they had money. So why did they get reduce to that? Godlessness. Let me say it again. Godlessness. It wasn't their inability to assimilate, it wasn't their obvious technological inferiority, it was Judgment. No one escapes their past, no one escapes Judgment. You think he's not up there ? You think he's not watching over our great country ? How else can you explain it ? He tested us, we succeeded. We did what we had to do. Nuevo Bueno, Juajn, I was there, in 96'. I saw all those immigrants there: Muslims, homosexuals, communists, anarchists."

One by one he utters these words with increasing hatred and disgust.

- "They were progressively rotting the nation little by little. They had to leave! For San Castellino stays San Castellino! I'm a god-fearing San Castellinos man and I'm god damn proud of it! And that's what you all should be! Goodbye, my dear compatriots. Viva la Republica! Viva San Castellino!"

Jingle, same patriotic song san castellinos.

Edited by San Castellino (see edit history)
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  • 2 weeks later...

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Poisoning of the river Santa Maria.

The day before yesterday, early in the morning, fishermen alerted the soldiers in a small town in Lower Chanchel that the water of the Santa Maria River had suddenly turned purple and that the fish were all dead. A team of scientific experts came and confirmed that the water was purple and that the fish were all dead. The experts concluded that this was not normal. After further analysis, it was discovered that this violet substance was a mixture of various violent poisons such as cyanide. We remind you that the government would never have spilled these dangerous chemicals in order to make the local population more docile.
After a thorough investigation, the gendarmerie discovered that the group of fishermen who had alerted the soldiers reportedly stated that they thought that the iverican tobacco was of better quality than the san castellinos tobacco - which, I remind you, is obviously totally wrong - which means that it was these fishermen who poured the chemicals into the river as a sign of revolt against El Presidente and the party. We reassure you: these dangerous terrorists were guillotined yesterday evening.

Escape of a dangerous terrorist from the fortress of Chiqito.

Have you ever heard of Le贸n Belfl贸ra? If you are exercising your legal right to inform yourself or read the newspaper, this is surely the case. Indeed, Le贸n Belfl贸ra - or the Che of his nickname - is a dangerous anarcho-communist terrorist and the leader of the clandestine San Castellinos Anarcho-Syndicalist Party.
Le贸n Belfl贸ra has several times claimed to be an anarchist and has on several occasions tried to make workers rise up in order to create an egalitarian state where the elite and the plebeians would live together. That's frightening, isn't it? And that's not all! According to the information given by the Ministry of Information and Propaganda, Le贸n Belfl贸ra even had the audacity to dare to criticise the Catholic Church and our Lord God ! Would you have thought such a level of decadence possible? We ourselves had found it very hard to believe it, but unfortunately it seems that it is possible.
This is why this dangerous terrorist was hunted down throughout the country three years ago, to finally be found and arrested on December 16, 2020.
After a fair trial, Le贸n Belfl贸ra was sentenced to life imprisonment on numerous charges, the main ones being blasphemy, high treason, terrorism, youth corruption and the attempt to introduce anarchy into the country. Unfortunately, the Che escaped from the fortress of Chiqito today in the morning with the help of other revolutionary fanatics.
We recall that this individual is extremely dangerous and unstable. If you see him (see the picture below), do not attempt to arrest him but run to the nearest military base. If you think someone might have any connection with Le贸n Belfl贸ra, or feel any sympathy for him, run to the nearest military barracks. And above all, never forget: don't suspect a friend, report him.

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Le贸n "Che" Belfl贸ra, 2019

Edited by San Castellino (see edit history)
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  • 4 weeks later...

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Sad incident in a mosque in Lower-Chanchel

On the night of February 28th to 29th, the mosque of San-Juan-de-la-Cruz-de-nostre-Se帽or-Dios - a small town in the Lower-Chanchel - was the victim of an unfortunate accident. On 28 February, around twenty armed people forced their way into the mosque around midnight. About ten minutes later, the imam of the mosque was taken out and forcibly tied to a giant Latin cross planted in the ground. Then the attackers set the cross on fire and danced around it all night, shouting "Death to Muslims! 禄.

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In order to find an explanation for this horrible tragedy, an investigation is being carried out right now by our glorious national gendarmerie. At the moment, it is the accident thesis that is being privileged.

Edited by San Castellino (see edit history)
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Insults from the Neo-Lyrian dictatorship

聽聽聽 Last Monday morning, Neo-Lyrian warplanes were seen flying over the airspace of our glorious Republic, more precisely over Ferdinades City. Our glorious Minister of Foreign Affairs Ismael de la Plata, with the democratic approval of our glorious Supreme Leader and the party, asked for explanations from the Neo-Lyrian Embassy. The latter, in an insulting letter of insolence and insinuations, answered that they were only, and I quote, "answering the provocations of the dictator Di Foxycionni". New-Lyrie quoted as examples "the excessive number of soldiers stationed in Ville Ferdinande," the artillery fire on the northeastern border, the "numerous violations" of their maritime space by our glorious national navy, as well as "the recent anti-neo-lyrian propaganda speech by General Di Foxycionni," citing several passages they considered deeply insulting. In particular, New Lyria insists on the phrase "New Lyria is nothing more than a wart on the face of Alharu, a sad accident for Humanity. "We would like to remind you that this quote from the Supreme Leader's recent speech is in no way a propaganda message intended to spread the hate of Neo-Lyrians.
聽聽 聽In response to this, our glorious El Presidente made a moving speech advocating peace, understanding and cooperation. Here is an extract: "The communists are trying to intimidate us, my dear compatriots. But our glorious national army, guided by the Almighty Lord, will crush these impious bloodthirsty fanatics if a sixth San Castellino/New Lyria war breaks out. Do not forget, my dear compatriots: the Commune of New Lyria is a ruin that will only need a big kick in the door for everything to fall apart. ". New Lyria responded that it was, and I quote, "shocked by the gravity of the San Castellinos case and that [it] had not taken the full measure of the profound immaturity shown by the San Castellinos government. " It also sent to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs a USB key containing an audio file of the song "La Chute de Gazallenoa" ("The Fall of Gazallenoa". OCC : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjiQ6_u2E2I) - a patriotic neo-Lyrian song that is hateful and used for propaganda purposes. Shocked by these baseless provocations and insults, our glorious El Presidente had the San Castellinos embassy in New Lyria closed. The next day, the latter did the same with the Neo-Lyrian embassy in San Castellino.

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Neo-Lyrian ambassy in Gazallenoa, San Castellino

聽聽聽 Currently, the diplomatic situation between our glorious Republic and the Neo-Lyrian dictatorship is at a standstill. In fact, no more communication has taken place, at least according to the little information we have been able to glean from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Ministry of Information and Propaganda. However, my dear compatriots, we can assure you without any doubt that our glorious Supreme Leader is in full control of the situation thanks to his unequalled diplomatic talent and that there is absolutely no sign of a possible war to come.

Edited by San Castellino (see edit history)
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  • 1 month later...

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Inauguration of the Sullivan Tunnel

聽聽聽 Yesterday afternoon, our glorious President of the Republic came to inaugurate the Sullivan Tunnel in the company of his ministers and a rejoicing San Castellinos crowd. The tunnel connects Porto Sullivan to the enclave of Ferdinades by going under the sea! Although the tunnel was originally conceived for trains, his eminence had expressed the wish that it could also be used by pedestrians and automobiles. This jewel of technology and architecture was put into service in the morning and we can already see many San Castellinos using it. Our glorious General congratulated the architect-engineer Chino Val猫z for the efficiency with which he had managed the tunnel construction. Then, our Supreme Leader expressed once again his great clemency by offering him a quick execution for not having accelerated the construction of the tunnel.

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聽聽聽 This inauguration also marks the end of the major works of the Sullivan Express, which will have lasted almost 12 years. Indeed, this great project - named in honour of its creator, the Supreme Leader Sullivan Di Foxycionni - is the fruit of a considerable reflection and the meeting of the best San Castellinos architects. The project aims to upgrade, rehabilitate and build many kilometres of railways to allow any San Castellinos to move across the country in just a few hours. The Sullivan Express will be equipped with the most modern trains, capable of reaching up to 500 kilometres per hour!聽 The Sullivan Express is certainly a great step for our glorious Republic and proves once again the efficiency and radiance of the national-capitalist model.

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Edited by San Castellino (see edit history)
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  • 2 months later...

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Anarchist terrorist attack

Today, at 9:48 am, the Tu艅el Sullivan connecting the metropolis to the Ferdinades exclave collapsed as a high-speed train was passing underneath. Rescue workers quickly arrived on the scene but unfortunately were unable to rescue the victims. This brutal incident took 119 poor souls who will join the Holy Lord but don't worry anymore : none of the victims were members of the party.聽

Our glorious national gendarmerie conducted the investigation and what a surprise it was to discover that this so-called accident was not an accident. Indeed, our glorious national gendarmerie discovered through a thorough investigation that a bomb had been put in the tunnel in order to make it collapse when the train passed. Although the various anarchist terrorist organisations have not claimed responsibility for the attack - further proof of their obvious cowardice - there is no doubt about the identity of the perpetrators of this terrible terrorist act.聽

The culprits, quickly identified by our glorious national gendarmerie, were given a long, fair and democratic trial lasting 2 minutes and 37 seconds. Following the judge's verdict, these traitors will be shot tomorrow at 3 p.m. in the Plaza de la Libertad, in front of the presidential palace of the glorious General Di Foxycionni, President of the Republic, Supreme Leader, Saviour of all San Castellinos across the seas, if his ramage relates to his plumage, and in the eyes of the passers-by, in order to show once again to the people how the glorious Republic of San Castellino is a haven of peace where democracy and human rights take on their true meaning.

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  • 1 month later...

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New coal power plant

On this Tuesday, August 18, 2021, at 3:02 pm, the new San Castellinos coal power plant was inaugurated by our beloved Presidente! The result of 11 years of intensive work and built on the outskirts of El Ang猫l, it will now supply the south-eastern regions of San Castellino which, since the hurricane Ni帽o in 2008, has been partially deprived of electricity. El Presidente congratulated P茅pito Gom猫z, the engineer in charge of the project, for the speed and efficiency with which he carried out the work, and then condemned him for not having completed the project sooner. Fortunately for Gom猫z, el Presidente was very lenient and he was only shot.

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Photography from the newly built coal power plant, in the industrial outskirts of El Ang猫l

This jewel of technology, a real pride for the San Castellino nation, shows once again the immoderate and undeniable technological advance of San Castellino over the rest of the wurld, as well as the efficiency of the national-capitalist system throughout the wurld and its influence on the wurld.

Unfounded accusations by the Esonya Foundation International

Yesterday, the Esonya Foundation International, a supposedly humanitarian non-governmental organisation, stated publicly that the "San Castellino government is deliberately poisoning - and has been for at least several years, according to the severity of the symptoms in some people - certain minority groups". According to these unfounded accusations, the San Castellino government is putting toxic pesticides in the water sources of the Salam minorities in order to poison them.

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Irrigation of a plantain plantation by a salam

Our glorious Presidente, upon hearing these accusations, declares that he is deeply touched and insulted that a non-governmental organisation claiming to be humanitarian would accuse our beautiful nation of such atrocities. However, to show his good faith, our beloved Supreme Leader, too good for this wurld, decided to forgive this organisation, thus ignoring the gross mistake it had made.

The government still investigated - even our glorious party, it seems, can make mistakes - and concluded that the quality of water available to the Salam minorities is far superior to the average quality of water in the rest of the wurld. This proves, once again, that the accusations of the Esonya Foundation International are totally unfounded and wrong.

Sad accident in Gazallenoa

Early last Friday morning, the lifeless body of Juan Nicolas was found in a dark alley in Gazallenoa with three bullets in the back of his head. The fervent environmentalist had been campaigning against the construction of the new nuclear power plant, not least because it was built right in the middle of a marshland with the last remaining specimens of an endangered frog, thus disregarding the salvation of the nation.

The San Castellino authorities, despite the constitutional right not to assemble, as well as the right not to demonstrate, let it happen because, as everyone knows, the Republic of San Castellino is a haven of freedom, a true example of democracy throughout the wurld. Our glorious gendarmerie, guardian of peace, investigated to find out the truth at all costs. After several days of hard work, they concluded that a group of rats armed with revolvers had attacked Juan Nicolas for no reason and that it was therefore an unfortunate accident.

The editorial team of the NSC National Chronicle can only advise people with a penchant for recklessness not to go out too late at night to avoid a bad encounter: it seems that rats with guns are becoming more and more frequent.

Edited by San Castellino (see edit history)
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