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NationStates: Z-Day 9: Everybody Relax


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Some people seem to think there will be a zombie apocalypse around the end of October, with the undead rising from their graves to unleash a global wave of devastation, just because that's what's happened for the last eight years in row.

To these people, I say: Relax! This year, we are fully prepared to contain and control the situation. So I'm pleased to say that there will be no need to panic, close your borders, or anything else. Just keep going about your business.

There is a small chance that you may spot a few isolated zombies here and there. We can't completely rule that out. But if that happens, nobody should throw themselves into disarray over it. Instead, simply phone the international response hotline and we'll take care of it. Simple!

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A few minutes ago, we inadvertently displayed some information relating to the previous Zombie Apocalypse, which occurred in 2019. This was due to a technical error and definitely not because of fresh stirrings in the graves of the undead. That's for sure. We have this thing locked down. It's not going anywhere. We are 100% prepared. So please continue to relax and go about your normal business.

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I have received scattered reports of roving bands of undead feasting upon the living. To which I say: Thank you, and we'll deal with those as soon as we can.

The real problem I want to discuss, though, is how some regions have closed their borders, and nations have redirected their resources into researching a "cure," or even exterminating zombie hordes with military force. I can't emphasize enough that this is a complete over-reaction. It is, in fact, this kind of needless fear that stokes division and prevents us from returning quickly to a regular lifestyle.

As such, I am hereby taking the unprecedented step of ordering an immediate halt to all cure-researching facilities world-wide.

I expect this to be completed within the next 30 minutes. Nations in the process of researching a cure will find that that research has automatically stopped.

As these facilities are located within your nations, I can't prevent you from starting them up again. But I urge you not to do so, and to instead embrace a quick return to normal life alongside the zombies.

edit: By the way, and I should have mentioned this earlier, we offer a way for you to ignore zombie-related nonsense: Settings -> No Zombies. This doesn't actually remove them from your nation, but it allows you to believe they're not there, which is practically the same thing.

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I didn't want to have to do this. But I'm looking around and I'm seeing a lot of nations who have learned to live positively alongside the zombies being locked out of other regions due to emergency border controls.

This is very unfair to zombie-tolerant nations.

During past Apocalypses, I've always said that border controls are a matter for individual regions. But this needless fear and division hurts us all.

Therefore, I am hereby striking down all Emergency Apocalypse Border Controls.

Regions who had implented such controls will find that they are now removed.

You can reimpose them if you really must. But why would you? Stop cowering in fear and embrace life again! Get out and stretch your legs! Use your brains! Yes, especialLy those. Your soFt, deliciOus braiNs. Get tHem outsIde. Where wE cAn rEach them.

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Wow! Okay! Whoever just hit my location with a Cure Missile, much thanks. I'm feeling a lot better now.

Please disregard everything I said about not taking the threat seriously. That was zombie talk. We absolutely have to fight this thing until the end. Which is soon:

Zombie apocalypse ends in:

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To those who thought it was in poor taste to have a zombie uprising during a real pandemic, I say: You make an excellent point. That's very reasonable. No-one wants to watch a horror movie when they're already living in one.

But perhaps there's no better time to shoot Cure Missiles at zombie hordes than during a health crisis. It is a time when regions either work together and survive, or else sink in communal apathy. This year, despite extra challenges from an unknown start time and two surprise interventions, many regions again proved themselves to be vigilant and effective, successfully staving off the undead until the very end.

Survivors

107.3 trillion

13.2%

 

Zombies

257.8 trillion

31.7%

 

Dead

447.8 trillion

55.1%

 

You can find detailed reports via the little "[+] Z-Day" links that will hang around on region and nation pages for the next 24 hours.

Final standings from the Z-Day Tally Board:

And on nation scales:

Thank you for your tolerance of the 9th annual Z-Day. Happy Halloween!

P.S. Regarding the concern that this year's Z-Day News posts were a deliberate lampooning of a particular country's administration, I just want to say that's a little unfair to a lot of governments, who have also been really terrible.

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