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Will you be Myne?

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To: Chairman Yiu Amistacia of @Galahinda
From: F.F.f.F.f.F. Dina Diva
Regarding: My dearest colleague, let us celebrate our cooperation and friendship.

Yo girl,

It's Dina. Sending this as an official letter because it gets me paid, you know how it is. #onthegrind, am I right? Anyway, I've had a little birdie whisper in my ear... Actually, it was this totally hot intern from one of the lobby groups, I gave him my number, we're like totally going to bang. So he told me that there's been talk about wanting to strengthening economic ties, businesses operating between us, that sort of stuff. 

So, being the World's Greatest Diva and great visionary that I am, I've totally thought up something awesome. Let your people send my people some details, do something we can open up quickly over here and I can totally get a whole girls night out package totally paid for. We could maybe get some fillers or botox or whatever, eat out at Vooters, shoot some guns... All fun, am I right? We'll go wild! Openings party for your business with bottles, boys, you name it. I can totally arrange for a plane to pick you up, one of my friends here owns part of an airline. Vooters Air, you know like those restaurants staffed solely by skimpily clad twinks, it's totally fun. 

I'll, like, totally get my assistant to make sure the bottles are popping for us once you land, girl. You know how I roll! And we'll be doing something good too, strengthening ties through enjoying your stay here. It's my mantra, you know. A relaxed leader is a good leader. And that's what the people deserve. So, we're totally doing something good on multiple levels, like an onion of goodness. Ogres, like onions, have layers. Does that mean that you could make ogre rings if ogres were real, like how onion rings exist? I was sent a couple of bottles of coconut-banana vodka and let's just say, mama likes.

See you soon babe,


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From: Yiu Amistacia

To: F.F.f.F.f.F. Dina Diva, That b*tch, Legend, Icon, prostitute.

Regarding: That great idea you had


Hey girl, you get paid to write these? Whack. I’m going to kill Quora for not being able to recognize your army of twink spies, this was supposed to be a surprise! I was totally going to buy out one of your department stores downtown and fly out a whole exclusive Variotan catalogue overnight but because someone can’t keep her mouth shut the cats out of the MYNE bag!

Sometimes I feel like you’re the only person on eurth who gets what I’m going for. I swear if I have to go to another boring black tie diplomatic meeting where I can’t even get decently buzzed I was going to start a trade war.

I love every single part of this idea especially the shots, alcohol and fillers sound great. Send a plane and I’ll get on it. I’m probably going to get yelled at by my security people but like, what do they know about a good time?

Speaking of security details I’m sure you know our unique issue of not having a standing army, war isn’t in style for us this year, but your boys look delicious in their uniforms. I’m totally willing to relocate some uglies from one of the poorer areas of the city and give you a brand new urban training ground in exchange for a few of your hottest soldiers to protect us.

this is going to be absolutely stunning,


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Ferrefaaierhafen, a shining beacon of prosperity, progress and pleasure situated at the crossroads between the Keelpijppassage, or simply Keelpijp as it was often lovingly called, and the Qingming Sea, or Grootsee as it was known in Variot. It was here where two of the greatest minds on Eurth, some might even say of the universe would meet for their fair share of pleasure, joy, delight and diplomacy, not necessarily in that order.

Often, these meetings would take ages to arrange with enough red tape covering the whole deal to tie the Eurth to the Mun in some freaky interplanetary bondage session. One diplomat from one side would have to get permission to send specifics to another diplomat on their side who would have to relay the message on to a lesser clerk who would then move it to the office of the Minister of Foreign Affairs or whomever was selected to be part of the government and decide on those things and so on and so on. Here, though, it was simple. Dina Diva has always had the support of Reemy Loopentlant, the minister of Foreign Affairs, since she had started to participate in Variotan politics. Whether that was because she eventually got bored after nursing her hangover in the parliament, genuinely cared or just wanted to bang the constant stream of new interns and hires from the various parties, lobby groups and the parliament's various amenities was something that various internet forums loved to gossip about but never managed to get a consensus in.

And, as always in politics, once you have an in, someone you know, things just move faster. Of course, Dina Diva could have just used her own vaguely framed political powers as Foorste Frauwe fan'es Ferantwortelik fan'es Folke or her popularity as World's Greatest Diva to push things through but why bother when it's easier and just as fast to have Reemy push it forward to parliament. The voting had gone through to no-one's surprise. After all, the world's a hostile place and any means to gain just a bit more breathing room, another ally, another means to increase the economy of the nation was happily gobbled up by the representatives of Het Huisselant.

A stamp here, a stamp there and Dina had received the letter the next day, stating that funds had been made available for an official diplomatic meeting between the Variotans, as represented by Foorste Frauwe Dina Diva, and the Galahindrans, as represented by Chairman Yiu Amistacia. Now, the Galahindrans were actually the Galahindans but the first sounded better in Variot and when you have an intern typing up the letter, they're obviously not going to care enough to flip through a book of demonyms to check if they used the correct one.

As such, there was now a chartered Air Vooters flight landing at the Kaptein A.H. Ferrefaaierhafen International Airport, the busiest airport of Het Huisselant and one of the busiest of Alharu. Situated at the small town of Lorrelapperterp, a small distance from Ferrefaaierhafen, the airport was the primary employer for the town and somewhat a source of entertainment for the inhabitants. Teens would laugh at the bumbling tourists that entered the small town, wondering where the hell Ferrefaaierhafen would finally begin as if it would suddenly rise up like a desert mirage. Adults, just looking for a quick one night stand, often ended up in the bars of the airport, picking up travelers that wanted their first or last taste of the famous Variotan eggplant. Whether that was a metaphor for, hopefully enjoyable, coitus or simply the actual agricultural product was something that the same internet forums that debated Dina Diva's motivation would probably go wild for.

The planned program for the visit had been pretty simple. After landing, there'd be time for Yiu and Dina to answer questions from the media that had been allowed to be at the landing. A simple affair, a small band to play music as the two met each other, some military forces sprinkled around to show that the HAP knew what it was doing. Then, the pink limousine that would carry Yiu, Dina and whomever Yiu had brought along would travel to Ferrefaaierhafen where the new MYNE store would open - a symbol of the new and improved Variotan-Galahindan cooperation, bigger and better than ever. Bottles would pop, socialites would swarm, the usual. And afterwards, an afterparty worthy of the name. Then the second day, because there was obviously no fun to be had in rushing any meeting, there would be time for the second part of the trip, where the potential for further ties would come to light.

As Yiu had said to Dina in her letter, the Galahindans lacked a standing army and were extremely interested in gaining defensive ties. And who could blame them? The world was a hostile one where rogue nations crawled out of the floorboards as if one was in a darkroom and they were horny, hungry bottoms. If there was the option to napalm entire continents, it wouldn't be outrageous to believe atleast some politicians within Het Huisselant would choose to do so. Vice versa, there were various forces in Het Huisselant that were interested in spreading their influences. From the HAP and its supply of willing soldiers, serving and otherwise, Varinco and its subsidiary Varinco Security and the many Folke Milisies. If it was possible to do so and simultaneously gain a training grounds for intense urban warfare situations, there wouldn't be a politician in the parliament that wouldn't stamp the bill to do so.

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