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Prymont Ministry of Foreign Affairs


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The Ministry of Foreign Affairs would like to apologise for any language below that may be deemed inappropriate or offensive.

The following is an open letter from the United States of Prymont's Minister of Foreign Affairs, Julian Nordeng, to the country of @North Dniester.

 

President Zieminski,

A recent publication emerging from your country, the ‘Dniester Freedom Index’, has been brought to my attention. After a careful review of the ranks and their reasoning, I would like to clarify some confusion that you may have.

In the Dniester Freedom Index, or DFI, the great United States of Prymont has been ranked ‘third least free’, with the simple reasoning of “evil imperialist”. While the United States may be perceived as a country that practices imperialism, I would like to inform you of our official stance, which states “the United States of Prymont is dedicated to ensuring peace and prosperity throughout the Canamo neighbourhood, the continent of Argis, and the entire world”. Labelling such a free, welcoming, supportive country as an evil imperialist is a sad case of misinformation and ignorance. However, it is to be expected from a country as belligerent and backwards as your own.

I also note that the DFI ranks the United States below countries such as Bulgenstaz (or Bulgenstatz, as you prefer to incorrectly call it), Faramount, Ahrana, and yourselves. I would like to take the opportunity to point you towards the Mundus Liber Institute’s own Freedom Index which, while also corrupt, ranks the United States as the third freest country, behind our equally free friends Variota and Iverica. Perhaps you may find it beneficial to open a communication channel with the Institute, to share knowledge and gain a greater understanding of how to collate and rank information that defines a country’s freedom. I am certain that you will need the help.

Additionally, it’s important to recognise the sources of funding for the DFI. Organisations such as the Dniesterian Presidental (sic) Foundation, the Bulgenstatz (sic)-Dniester Friendship Foundation, the Dniester Army, and other Dniester-based groups all contributed towards this malevolent propaganda campaign. The fact that you would willingly disclose this information is laughable, but the typing errors and overall amateur appearance of the report is utterly embarrassing. I would like to thank the writers, editors, and proofreaders of the DFI, for exposing your country for the pathetic liars that you are.

I strongly suggest that you rescind your report, and I expect an apology to be issued promptly. May I remind you of the prominence of the United States in the Canamo neighbourhood, and that severe consequences await those who spread fake news and false propaganda.

 

Your friend,


Julian Nordeng
Minister of Foreign Affairs

Edited by Prymont (see edit history)
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RE: Dniester Freedom Index

 

Minister,

 

Due to the thinly veiled threats of this letter about the index, the blatant defamation, and the insults, your country has been placed lower in the index after a recent addendum. Threats to the freedom of press in the Republic will not be tolerated. I suggest you fix your attitude and issue us a formal apology for your misdeeds. The contents of this letter also only prove us correct about your imperialistic ambitions, as well as show the sheer depravity you will go to in order to silence opposition. I have, however, been informed of the misdeeds of the writers, editors, and proofreaders of the DFI. They have been disposed of. We thank you for bringing this to our attention.

 

Sincerely,

Vladimir Stanislavovich

General of the Dniesterian Military Information Corps,

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  • 2 years later...

From: Ministry of External Affairs of Velaheria, Alexi Alenedar, Head of the Ministry of External Affairs.

To: Prymont ministry of Foreign Affairs,

Salutations..

The Government of DPR Velaheria would like to establish Amiable and healthy relations with the United States of Prymont, in an order to maintain peace and stability in the continent of argis, As a begining of our long march towards prosperity and glorious future, we would like to offer a chance for prymont journalists to visit the glorious motherland itself, and to see its paramount beauty. We would also like to expand our trade relations into the united states as a sign of further co-operation between the two governments of our realms. We also wish that the united states would maintain its goodwill with the People's government and wont reject this oppurtunity.

 Sincerly, 

Alexi Alenader, Head of the Ministry of External affairs of Velaheria.

Signed and Sealed by the Government of DPR Velaheria.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Mr Alenader of @DPR Velaheria,

We thank you for your letter regarding establishing diplomatic ties between the United States and the Democratic People's Republic. Like yourselves, our goal is to promote peace and prosperity throughout our great continent, and in order to achieve this aim it's important to maintain healthy relations with a variety of nations. While the United States is aware of the various eccentricities of Velaheria, we would like to accept your offer, and would like to establish diplomatic missions between the United States and Velaheria. Furthermore, on behalf of the Commissariat of Foreign Affairs, this agreement would also include the Prymontian Rus.

Your invitation of Prymontian journalists to Velaheria is rather intriguing, but I fear that any peculiarities would be whitewashed in favour of portraying an ideal land. While I'm acutely aware of the importance of maintaining favourable outward appearances, the United States would not like to entertain any ongoings that would reflect badly on itself. As such, for the time being, I believe it best that this offer is shelved. Nevertheless, I applaud your country's efforts to reach out to the wurld community, and as a panel member of the Argic-Thalassan-Alharun Regional Association, would like to encourage you to apply to the organisation, whether that be as an observer or a full member. Perhaps a membership in such a prestigious group would assist Velaheria in refining its inner workings, and would do wonders to improve its wurldwide image. 

 

Your friend,

 

Julian Nordeng
Minister of Foreign Affairs

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