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Ibriarium

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Howdy.

I'm Todd Haldly. And along with the Commonwealth of Ibriarium, I am proud to announce that the huge rock with weird crystals that we stole from another country we were having a "dispute" with is now up for sale!

I know: cool, right?

This impromptu sale is because  we found out that this rock has been stolen from around Europa since the first "dispute" in this Region.

So please tell us of the fascinating and totally legit folktales of why this should be returned within the borders of your nation.

If you make the cut then bidding will start.

What: did you really think it would be free? Noooo...

While our economy is frighteningly awesome, we love money

Anyway, good day to all you lords, ladies,  dictators, democratically "elected" leaders

 

*Official seal of the Commonwealth of Ibriarium*

Signed, Todd Haldly, international bachelor 

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TO: Todd Haldly of the Commonwealth of @Ibriarium

Salutations.

My name is Hōen Tenki and I am the Director of the Bastion Institute of Climate Surveillance. 

Originally, the BICS was but a few small offices and laboratories deep within the heart of Bastion Island, an untouched oasis of primordial nature. Its tasks were to monitor the effects of climate change on the delicate ecosystem of the Sunset Sea Islands and to devise ways of containing them. Over time, however, the institution grew to include more and more fields of scientific research, including Geosciences and Natural Resources. I have forwarded the images included in your letter to the experts working in this division. According to them, the "huge rock with weird crystals" in your posession is without a doubt the largest geode ever found.

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Geodes most commonly form in areas with high volcanic activity. A bubble of water vapour or carbon dioxide is encapsulated by lava or magma, creating a cavity. Over time, the molten stone solidifies. If mineral-rich ground water enters the hollow rock through fractures and passes through it, the minerals included can sediment within it. These minerals age over thousands, if not millions of years to form crystals within the geode. The Ibriarian Geode is astonishingly huge and just as astonishingly old. Therefore, its scientific and monetary value is immesureable.

The Radiant Republic of the Sunset Sea Islands is a Thalassan nation and therefore unable to lay claim on an artifact originating from the continent of Europa. However, we posess the necessary tools and expertise to study the geode and to find out where it came from originally. Furthermore, the SSI are members of the ISTC, the Initiative Scientifique Trans-Continentale. Two of the members of the Initiative are Europan nations, @Fleur de Lys and @Magnaeus. We maintain contacts to the old world and should you agree to let us study the geode and its origin, I am most certain that the ISTC and the BICS could be able to determine the geode's original owner. Naturally, the ISTC would be willing to compensate your nation accordingly for the loaned item. After our studies have been concluded, your government could negotiate a deal with the, by then determined, rightful owner of the geode.

Together, we can deduce the origin of the geode and find a solution beneficial for all involved parties.

Best regards to You and Your government,

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Dear @Sunset Sea Islands,

the Grand Emporer Raul Ferdinand and I have discussed your offer and we would be delighted to accept your offer we feel that  in finding the original owner of such an artifact and please to anyone else whom once held the geode in their possession, please retell all the riveting details and folklore maybe you sacrificed children to it, maybe you used it to power your space cannon, possibly it was used as a throne whatever it was let us all know! **official seal of the Commonwealth of Ibririum** Signed Todd Haldly, part-time DJ  full-time spokesman of the Commonwealth of Ibriarium

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TO: Todd Haldly of the Commonwealth of @Ibriarium

Splendid!

I have forwarded your approval to the Institute and pulled the necessary strings to initiate transport ASAP. We will dispatch a cargo airplane to pick up the geode in Ibriarium to examine it within the Sunset Sea Islands. Our team will be delighted to worm out all secrets this rock bears. Especially, we will be looking for signs of past uses of the geode. Should, for example, the geode have been used as a piece of furniture in the past, like you have suggested, that would have left traces. We will learn all there is to know about the geode, I can assure that much.

Furthermore, we invite scientists from all nations interested in the geode or claiming rightful ownership over it to join us in our efforts. Please, come to the Radiant Republic of the Sunset Sea Islands, and you will receive the unique possibility to conduct studies in the heart of the otherwise untouched Bastion Island. The Climate Institute opens its gates for you!

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Best regards to Grand Emporer Raul Ferdinand, Todd Haldly and the people of Ibriarium,

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perfect, we have put together a team of geologists, museum curators, and a few strong arms to loan out to you I have the National Air Defence setting a course for your airplanes approach seeing as Ibriarium is still at war you will be accompanied by a squadron of HRP mock 7 silverfish other than that this mission should go by the books the best of luck to you. 

*official seal of The Commonwealth of Ibriarium*

signed Todd Haldly, once took off a woman's bra off by looking at it

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To: Tom Haldly, @Ibriarium
From: Foolish Bandit, aka Noah Marshall, biggest legend in the history of the United States of Prymont

 

Big Man Tom,

You've probably - no, definitely - heard of me by now. If you don't know me by my legal name, you definitely know me by my performing name of Foolish Bandit. I've released three studio albums and countless mixtapes and EPs, written, starred in, and directed my own TV show and movies, written and directed the critically acclaimed @Variotan adult film 50% Man, 50% Horse, 100% Yours starring Hette Henk, among many other accomplishments that a simple layman like you can never hope to achieve. 

During my amazing career I've made bank. There's no other baller in Argis like me. Have you ever bought out a hotel before, just because the person staying on the floor below you released music on the same day as you? Have you ever bought a KAP Chiffon, of which only one is left, and sold it back to some nerd that actually wanted it for double the price? Have you ever been offered a role in the adult film industry, only to turn it down because they're not ready for you yet? I have.

It's safe to say I've got a lot of money, more than those science nerds could ever dream of having. They live off government budget grants and puny contributions from wannabe scientists. Me, I prefer to make my own green. It's safe to say that I've got enough cash to blow the nerds out of the water and pay double what they're offering for the rock. I'll need to hire my own team of nerds to check it out and make sure you're not doing me dirty, but once they're happy it's legit, I'll have it.

I've got a new mixtape coming out, called Bandit. It's pretty lit, and I'll give you an exclusive snippet of it if that'll sweeten the deal.

 

Cheers fam,

Foolish Bandit

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Here's a picture of me putting some flowers in my hair, because I'm all about that nature innit

 

Edited by Prymont (see edit history)
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Howdy, Todd Haldly here we here at Ibriarium appreciate your excitement @Prymontfor the geode and you will most definitely be invited to the private auction but this rare artifact is going to @Sunset Sea Islands for research to help enrich the history of our region, bringing light to the dark. of course, we will have to do a thorough background check of all your work seeing as you are a private entity so please forward all past and new works to us please. and lastly, at the risk of my head, The Grand Emporer Raul Ferdinand would like a signed copy of your newest album, if at all possible  

*Official Seal of The Commonwealth of Ibriarium*

signed Todd Haldly, I never saw the end of Finding Nemo so I just assume that he found his dad at the end and they live happily ever after with dory

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  • 5 months later...

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TO: Todd Haldly of the Commonwealth of @Ibriarium
ATTACHMENTS: ibriarian_geode_preliminary_analysis.pdf

Greetings,

after half a year of in-depth analysis of the Ibriarian Geode, we do have some first hyptheses regarding this precious rock. However, we would like to request to call in experts from @Alenveil to further accelerate the research. Their archaeological expertise could be crucial in solving the geode's mysteries.

Attatched to this mail You will be able to find a file containing the preliminary analysis report.

Best regards to Grand Emporer Raul Ferdinand, Todd Haldly and the people of Ibriarium,

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OOC: Thought you'd might enjoy this RP, Alenveil, although I'm not sure if Ib'll return. If he doesn't reply, just write some results up, if you're interested, that is.

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TO: Todd Haldly of the Commonwealth of @Ibriarium

Dearest Haldly,

After receiving a letter from the Bastion Institute of Climate Surveillance pertaining to a possible archaeology mystery that would need solving, the team at Arlotta Archaeology couldn't dare to pass up this opportunity. We were given, also, the preliminary analysis on the geode that has been puzzling you for so long and we're truly intrigued. My team and I will begin our travel to you, as well as the Bastion Institute, and begin multiple tests on the geodes, attempting to discover what could possibly lie within the geode's mysteries.

My team is ecstatic to discover what could possibly await within this geode and are thrilled to uncover its mysteries. We will see you soon.

Yours,
Matteo Arlotta

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