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The Greatest Country of Arstotzka


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Greetings Beloved Neighbor! You have come across a Great Feat of Human Ingenuity! The Patent Audio Pamphlet Guide to the GLORY GREATEST COUNTRY OF ARSTOTZKA! Your people will surely parade your continued existence having lead to this discovery (or face the firing squad)! The Lord High Administrator whom reigns from his capital "Invicta" on the island "Tutela" North east of the main land of Arstotzka!

You probably don't know where any of those places are do you Discoverer of Knowledge? Of course you don't, if you did someone is due for a swim in the waters that surround Arstotzka, and trust me! a swim in Arstotzka is a hor- I mean great decision! the water is nice! and the fishes are... exotic.

GLORY GREATEST COUNTRY OF ARSTOTZKA for a very long time has been an "icelationist" (is that the right word? I said it wrong? are you sure? okay... that's fine. everything is fine. pick 2 from the writing team and take them behind the chemical sheds, hopefully that's enough) nation! while not completely cut off from the outside world it's just barely a known entity outside of a select few. But our Lord High Administrator; Blessed be his name, has decided that the time of which our nation remains hidden from the public eye is over!

Now! Now is the time for the GLORY GREATEST COUNTRY OF ARSTOTZKA! to be introduced to the world at large! That the doctrine and teachings of our people be spread to all whom would hear it! so basically everyone on pain or death (what? what do you mean that wasn't on the script? by the way... what script are we talking about?)!

But Before Arstotzka becomes a member of the regional society at large! It becomes necessary that people understand some of Arstotzka's history and customs (so that we can avoid shooting someone... that would put a damper on diplomacy don't you think? hehe forgive me we don't pay any of you to think do we? we don't pay you either now that I think about it, ah; forgive me I'm rambling I shouldn't ramble this is important business after all...)! Thus it has been decided that to help the outside world understand Arstotzka the best option was to release this audio pamphlet and distribute to honest and trustworthy individuals whom would with their god given talents release these instruments of peace and prosperity to the world inconspicuously of course so as not to disrupt any common every day proceedings we wouldn't wish to be obtrusive on a common citizens right to a delightful morning breakfast or the like!

This audio pamphlet holds a summary of our history for those of you whom wish to simply do some scrolling! and a detailed version! really its all up to you! But be advised! This could take awhile.

A long while.

The Beginning (FOR THE KIDS VERSION!)

In the beginning before Arstotzka was known as it is now. It was named "Rstograd". Due to several issues having to do with the fact that most interesting and relevant articles during the period has let us say "disappeared", not much is known about this period of time. What we present before you is built mostly on speculation and assumptions made by state approved credible resources!

so you can trust them!

The island that would be Arstotzka was found by a peace loving and honest merchant by name of Archibald Rsota. He named the island "Rstograd" after his father whom was a virtuous man full of wisdom and knowledge, it was after all his fathers idea to seek out the island that would be Arstotzka but as was during the time, it was a nameless secret island that few dared venture to on account of the rough tides, and unforgiving waves. But brave Archibald on his fathers wishes jutted forth with youthful abandon

He found Rstograd via the sweat of his brow and the ingenuity of his crew! Rstograd was a delightful island! full of life a paradise on earth with delightful creature and vegetation! However... this paradise was inhabited by savage and cruel people just barely human. Archibald attempted to make peace with the inhabitants but failed as they were a conniving and untrustworthy! Archibald despite being a peace loving and honest person could not let these bad people do bad things! thus had to fight them!

And He Won!

He then built up his own little home that developed over the years! and eventually as time went by Arstotzka was born! A strong and prosperous nation that is ready to take the world by storm after years of icelation! What future this brings remains to be seen!

The (Real) Beginning.

Francis Rsota Father of the founder Archibald Rsota, was once a powerful and influential noble of a kingdom that's name has currently been lost to the ages (subsequent book burning's)... the kingdom underwent a succession war, and the Rsota's unfortunately backed the wrong horse, and reaped the consequences. They were stripped of title, and land but not of their wealth, which would help them as they were also exiled from their homeland.

Francis Rsota would never leave his homeland, as he would die of sickness (believed to be brought upon the devastation brought about via the announcement of his exile) before the date set for his exile, his family would instead take the journey lead by his youngest son; Archibald Rsota, why not his older sons you say? they had accidents very convenient accidents, that all things considered no one within the family was in a state of mind to concern themselves with their fate, as the destination for their exile was a nameless Island group considered by local folklore to be the home of their cultural equivalent of the devil.

Getting to the Island was perilous. The currents that lead to what would be Rstograd were unpredictable, and the waters populated with dangerous predators. But Archibald was a well informed and wealthy man, he found the help he would need to reach the island safely through dangerous but effective channels. Hiring Mercenaries and Criminals alike to act as his security in the case of locals existing within the island of their exile. As he would find out reaching the island;

He was of course right in doing so

It is true. Archibald did indeed attempt to try and talk and negotiate with the natives of Rstograd. He didn't have the resources that a conflict between him and the natives would demand, and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to efficiently move them from point a to point b. As mentioned above just reaching the island was considered suicide.

But the natives of the island of Rstograd were... let us say "difficult" in exchange for taking up land within their territory the Rsota's would share their weapons and armor, as the natives of Rstograd were currently in the middle of a civil war (you'll note many civil wars in our history) and the natives whom the Rsota's required territory from were the secessionist faction, which did not speak well for their reliability to hold to their word. Considering the strength of the natives; between handing them weapons that they will inevitably turn on them at some later point, or bearing the burden of fighting them now... the secessionist were weaker then their loyalist counterparts, and the loyalists would more than likely owe the Rsotas if they procured an assured victory for them.

What followed was a fairly bloodless conflict; for the Rsota's, not so much for the Natives... Archibald overestimated the natives ability to defend themselves from assault. Most of the land that permeated Rstograd was crumbly, dry and cracked, the little good land that remained mostly belonged to the native loyalists, the secessionists were starving poor peasants barely armed with weapons that were considered primitive even by the natives, those that defended themselves were weak, and the few strong were fighting the loyalists. They barely put up a fight worth making a song about; but they did apparently... somehow (Were not certain how either). Once the defenders were defeated, Archibald ordered the women, the children and the elderly that still lived and breathed, be pushed over a cliff and into shark infested waters, where they forced surviving defenders to watch. Archibald made it very clear to the natives; loyalist and secessionists.

He was here to stay.

Anyone of the natives of Rstograd stupid enough to stop him from doing so he swore would receive that same treatment, as the captive native defenders were allowed to live within a cabin under close watch by Archibald's men sitting right next to the cliff they watched their families be forced off, it was a very easy to understand message.

He would establish "Fort Omega" which to this day is now known as "Omega" City, the last prominent piece in the Rsota's and the World's history, why? that's a story for another time.

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The Lord High Administrator

 

The Head of State and Government.

 

The Foremost Word above all others in every aspect of Arstotzkan Life and Death.

 

In Arstotzka to be the Lord High Administrator is tantamount to being a God walking upon Earth. Every citizens knee shall bend, every head shall bow, and to do otherwise is to garner a bullet through the head.

 

Of course that is if anyone ever so much as actually sees his Glorious Excellency, which is more than unlikely. For the most part, the average citizen will never lay eyes upon the Lord High Administrator, the average citizen will more than likely only ever hear his voice.

 

But do not let this fact shake your faith in his existence. Be very aware, the Lord High Administrator exists, he is all to real, and his presence within every corner of Arstotzka can be felt and his influence upon his people is made very clear whenever a citizen stares in to the direction of the Capital of the Glory Greatest Country of Arstotzka.

 

To most the Lord High Administrators past is a mystery to all. But for just this moment, we will reveal one of his darkest secrets (not really)...

 

Their have been many Lord High Administrators, Men and Women of high regard whom either fulfill one of two requirements necessary to take up the mantle. The first is to kill your predecessor and thereby law of "you keep what you kill" (this is a real law but it only applies in certain situations like the one we describe now) are made Lord High Administrator, however this task is nearly impossible considering the sheer amount of security that surrounds, through out History, it has only occurred once, and so far he has done an exceptional job.

 

The second requirement is the easiest to attain; a Lord High Administrator may choose his or her replacement. You can be chosen.

 

It's a very great honor. That comes with many implications... You are not immediately brought into power, as a Meritocracy, even if the Lord High Administrator sees you as fit to rule, his cabinet must also be convinced as they are more than likely to be replaced and then executed (out with the old in with the new eh?). If you are so blessed to be chosen you will go through a select amount of trials, that we cannot and will not detail here. It is simple to state that the trials are not pleasant, and if you survive them, you more than deserve the position you are to be placed in.

 

Even after the trials are made... the process of becoming a Lord High Administrator does not end. After your coronation, everything about your previous life ceases to exist as far as the country is concerned. Your home, your family, your friends, if you had a spouse, or children, if you had a pet, or a place close to you. These all disappear; to where? we cannot say.

 

A Lord High Administrator may never have children. Their bloodline ends when they die. This also applies to those whom would take the lives of their predecessor. An Administrator may have consorts, but may never garner a real relationship.

 

The Lord High Administrator may garner only one relationship and that is with the Nation of the Greatest Country in the World Arstotzka, each new Administrator is treated as the same entity. In most Mythologies, Gods remain the same no matter how much time passes, but this is not so for Arstotzka, in Arstotzka our God shifts and changes, to fit whatever needs our Nation may present. When our God dies, he does not burden us with the end of his rule, he blesses us with a reincarnation of himself hidden among his sheep. When our God dies and is reborn his first and last words are more than clearly;

 

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  • 9 months later...

"I feel as though I am forgetting something. I feel as though were all forgetting something... something important. Something we should know but I can't remember it... don't you ever feel like that living here? like were forgetting something every day? every day passes and I feel like I'm remembering less and less, every second seems to slow down... and I feel... feel like... what were we talking about? I think we were talking about something... but I can't remember."  -Civilian #22567 {Andrew J. Weiss [Status: Pacified]} 

 

Foreword 

 

In retrospect... someone was eventually going to try and make this. A book. A book about us, about our history, and what made this nation. This glorious and terrible nation. That I am both honored and shamed to be a part of. Most of what is written here, is stolen from a collection of libraries that most will never see in there lifetime or maybe even in the next lifetime if they tried. you'd be surprised that despite our governments abhorrence for the occult and mystical... they are to paranoid not to dabble init for a little extra protection because you never know what's out there, scheming, planning, readying to take what is yours. 

In this book is everything we have about our past. It is the closes thing we have to a history that we might one day learn from. Though many will try to have it burned and suppressed, though many seek to wish our lives before today and tomorrow forgotten. Always will this great nation have the few that are willing to remember, and to record those lessons the past may bestow upon us, the lessons our great nation may one day learn. 

Glory to Arstotzka. 

 

Chapter 1 

Not There Yet. 

 

 

We do not begin within our own lands. 

 

Instead we begin in a land named Rstograd. 


Rstograd was a small kingdom, far from being the most influential, and even farther from being the weakest. It was a nation that valued strength, and valued its peace and quiet. The Rulers of Rstograd were an estranged group of men and women, often paranoid, often seeking a legacy whether by strength of arm's or by deeds of great wisdom and tact, often hoping to out do the past if not by actually outdoing there predecessors then by making certain there predecessors were forgotten. Our tradition of erasing our past dates back to the medieval era... our tradition for exaggeration came naturally. This penchant for seeking worship in the present and the future lead to many a civil war, as often sons and daughters of royalty were to prove themselves worthy of the throne, and to some more importantly (although rarely) their families love. 

 

Often heirs to the throne of Rstograd had to prove themselves worthy of the throne before they could ascend it. 

 

This is where our nation begins to gain its origins.

 

There came a time in the 63rd King of Rstograd (At this point and time the Kingdom of Rstograd had evolved past the ages of the medieval and into the ages of industry; sadly the inferiority complex of the royalty persisted) had 2 Sons of Talents that were greatly opposed each other. One son valued knowledge, sleight of hand, the power of the written word, and politics the other son valued his arms and strength, valuing what could be felt and touched. They were of close to equal age as they were twins, and one could almost never tell the difference between the two by looks alone. They were named William and Joseph. The rivalry between these two would become so volatile that eventually it would divide the nation, and from it there would be such thing as an Arstotzka. 

 

It began in a border dispute with a neighboring kingdom named Kolechia. 

 

Kolechia for the longest time has maintained a "healthy" rivalry with Rstograd. 

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