The Peak

[Prymont]

The Peak is Prymont's leading online tabloid news agency, bringing you the latest celeb gossip and important news from Prymont and around the world! Owned by the Prymont News Network, The Peak opened its virtual doors in 2008, and has been free to view ever since. 

The Peak will always bring you the latest news, scandals, advice, and insight into the celebrity world, making sure that you stay up to date and hear from only the best, most reliable sources. Want to hear a snippet of Foolish Bandit's unreleased song? We have it on The Peak. Want to see the leaked Milla Alme nudes? Catch a glance of them at The Peak. Need to catch up on the behind the scenes of Housewives of Cadwell? Watch our exclusive videos, only on The Peak.

[Prymont]

 

You won't BELIEVE who Foolish Bandit is DATING!!!

 

 

Rapper, singer, songwriter, musician, actor, comedian, award-winner, and all round amazingly talented individual Foolish Bandit is dating! Currently holidaying in the gorgeous @Sunset Sea Islands Utopia Resort City, Bandit has been keeping all of his fans up to date on his adventures through his social media outlets. So far, he's swam with dolphins in the tranquil Sunset Sea, climbed the local mountains, held a lecture on acting at the SSI's leading arts university, and has now posted the one thing we've all been waiting for!

SCROLL DOWN TO CONTINUE READING...

 

 

That's right, Foolish Bandit is dating Prymontian actress Natalie Rødland! Bandit posted the selfie on Wittier this morning from the pool of his hotel, with the caption "met someone a while back, guess we're a thing now". The two first met in 2009 when they were cast for starring roles in PTV sitcom College, which ran for six years. However, Bandit left the show during its penultimate season in 2013 to further his music career, but kept in close touch with his colleagues.

Natalie has also been posting on her socials during her vacation, but the two have not featured one another until today. Many fans speculated online that they'd potentially meet up for a sweet College reunion, but we've been rewarded with something much greater than that! Foolish Bandit is expected to represent the United States in an upcoming global song contest, and as Prymont are in the running to host the contest, Natalie is in contention to be a hostess. Even if she loses, we're sure that she'll be there to support her boyfriend and push for gold!

Fans of both Bandit and Rødland are now wondering if the relationship is new, or has been kept secret for a while before the holiday. Many speculate that, as they're holidaying together, it's something that was under the covers (quite literally too!) for some time, although whatever the case, be sure that The Peak will bring you the freshest celeb gossip around!

[Prymont]

 

Easy Edvard is THE BEST radio talk show host EVER!!!

Superstar FM 104.7 has a new star, readers, and it's not who you'd think! No, Emilia Melbye hasn't caused controversy by claiming annoying kids should be sent to work in the mines, and the eccentric Filip Oland hasn't interviewed members of the public, resulting in games such as "Who Can Say The Most Swears in 60 Seconds" and "Would You Turn Gay If...?"! Surprise surprise, but public radio has a new superstar, and it's Easy Edvard Opstad, the 1pm-1:30pm Edvard's Ego Enabler host.

Easy Edvard with his co-host, Lofty Lavrans, who is enjoying a pint like a true Prymontian!

Easy Edvard isn't your standard bloke, however. Ed has travelled the world in his short 36 years, gaining life experience from the slums of Derthalen to the highs of St Francoisburg, and is here to spread the truth with everyone. Easy E understands that the working life is hard, and just wants to help regular people like you to better themselves into a high level spiritual being! Edvard emplores listeners to embrace their true inner self, one that relaxes all freedoms and embraces their light side. Everyone here at The Peak can safely say that Ed has helped to make our lives happier, lighter, and freer!

During his daily half hour show, Ed takes calls from troubled listeners, and provides his unique, insightful advice on how to resolve their problems and make themselves a better, more acceptable person. Ed encourages listeners to get in touch with the higher being, The Chuffing Big Sod In The Sky, who lends a helping hand to the troubled Prymontian in times of need. Ed's ways are certainly different however, as they often consist of downing several pints of Easy Ed approved beer, driving to work with your car windows wound down 3 inches, applying for plastic surgery with questionable surgeons (just like Lavrans did!), and donating to Ed so he can get in touch with the CBSITS for you. For only β60, Ed can have a word with the big man up there and get you back on the right track.

His quirky ways and weird ideology doesn't go unquestioned though, as Lofty Lavrans Botnet is always there to counter Ed's ideas and offer alternative advice. Lavrans had garnered controversy of his own, having often recommended female listeners to come to his caravan for private advice sessions, and for male listeners to wear some makeup and high heels and do the same. It's also hard to come across a show during which Lavrans isn't enjoying a freshly poured pint, although in this day and age, what Prymontian doesn't drink during the day? One that doesn't listen to Ed's Ego Enabler!

Superstar FM have reported record breaking listening numbers since Ed got on the air, and regularly pulls in an average listening base of 500,000. Since rising to radio fame, Ed and Lavrans have signed a contract for their own TV talk show, airing in spring 2019, which invites troubled families onto the show so Ed and his pals can settle family disputes. The contract is said to be worth a staggering β2 million, with Ed suggesting that he'll buy a new fish tank for his pet goldfish with his newfound fortune. As always, you can tune in to Ed's Ego Enabler every day, between 1pm and 1:30pm, on Superstar FM 104.7, and most importantly, be sure that The Peak will bring you the freshest radio and celeb gossip around.

 

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Edited June 8, 2018 by Prymont (see edit history)

[Prymont]

 

Foolish Bandit HITS BACK after critics slam his clothes!!!

Millions upon millions of worldwide Foolish Bandit fans loved the man's performance at last night's first ever EurthVision world song contest. So much so, they've already began parading him as their winner, and we can certainly agree with that! Bandit stole the show as the first act, singing his incredible love song "You & I", which describes the rocky road he's travelled with current partner and EurthVision host Natalie Rødland. Members of the audience were blown away at his audiovisual masterpiece, which included amazing lighting and smoke effects, acrobatic dancers, a beautifully written accompanying music video and, of course, Bandit's dulcet tones.

However, some critics in @Andalla weren't best pleased with the show. One particular Wittier user, @jlund, took to the social media platform to attack Bandit's choice of clothing, most notably the fact that he wore a blue Andallan shirt. Nationally known as a Hvidtrev shirt, but as Andallan for anyone not native to the wonderful equatorial island paradise, the apparel apparently caused havoc online. The post, shown below, gained 1400 Likes and 500 Rewitts in under an hour, showing that Jeremy Lund isn't alone in his thoughts. The user attacked Bandit for appropriating Andallan culture, which, here at The Peak, we really don't understand!

As he always does, Bandit was quick to hit back online, aggressively responding to his critic in a way only he can. He told Lund to "f&%k you and your cultural appropriation b£$%&@?t." Foolish then added pictures, showing him wearing a variety of Andallan shirts, which has not been pointed out in the past. He finished by telling Lund to "grow up", and we think he's right.

Regardless of what any critics or haters have to say about him, Foolish Bandit will forever remain a star in our hearts. As always, The Peak will keep you up to date on the latest Wittier fights and celeb gossip!

USE CODE "ANDALLANBANDIT" ON OUR ONLINE STORE TO GET 20% OFF ON ALL 'THE PEAK' ANDALLAN SHIRTS!

 

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[Prymont]

 

We did some digging on PRYMONTIAN POLITICIANS. What we found will SHOCK you!!!

Ask a stinky foreigner to describe the Prymontian parliament to you. They probably won't know what to say, as we're a damn small country and stinky foreigners don't really care about us. But those that are in the know will say we have some quiet, reserved, intelligent representatives. While this stays true to the general perception of us Prymontians, there are a few crackpots who stick out like Dina Diva at a formalwear event.

Take our Vice President for example, Peter Lafleur. God knows how he actually met President Duval and became his election mate, but it all worked out for our chubby deputy. Ten years ago he was selling candy to kids and offering tours of the back allies of New Halsham, and now he sits in a fancy office all day doing diddly squat. Peter is often pictured attending wine tasting days and travelling to Iverica when he should be sitting in Courtmarsh House. He's also known for disappearing for a few weeks during summer recess, and is rumoured to spend the majority of his salary in Variotan 'specialty houses', as he calls them. His odd manner may be attributed to his Lysian ancestry - maybe he's more suited to their backwards political system than ours.

Also of note is Transport Minister David Pacheco, an Iverican immigrant. His salary allows for top of the range KAP cars, but he prefers to travel on public buses while insisting that the paparazzi are invading his privacy. Pacheco will often roam the streets of the capital, asking the homeless of their thoughts on public transport and how it can be improved. We've heard that he pays them to say good things, with these payments varying from discounted meals at local Vooters franchises to economy class one-way tickets to Greater Serbia. David spends his weekends attending Kokega pop concerts, but when we searched through his rubbish bins we found receipts for only one VIP ticket, meaning he didn't go with his daughter. Both men are pretty weird guys, but nothing that they've done can compare to our favourite ever politician.

This next man rose through the ranks of Courtmarsh House very quickly. One second he was an office administrator, the next he's attending global trade meetings representing our country. He's not afraid to voice his opinion, to stand up for himself, and to poke fun at our socialist neighbours at any given opportunity. One of his most famous moments came from last year, when he celebrated Prymont's end of socialism by jumping into a swimming pool wearing only a red cape. When he emerged, he'd left the red cape behind and was butt naked, representing a fresh start in a new era of Prymontian politics. Yes, of course, it's Julian Nordeng!

Julian's a wild guy. He hates anything to do with the colour red, simply because of what it implies in central Argis. He refuses to drive a KAP in their traditional red colour, only eats his steak well-done, and passes out when he bleeds; not because he's squeamish, but because blood is red. He has been spotted drinking red wine, but his excuse had us dying of laughter. "It's called rosé wine, which I'm told is foreign for pink, so clearly it's okay. Plus, it's made from green grapes, so I think you're just trying to make fun of me."

Nordeng made headlines across the world back at the founding ceremony of the CIS. We're not entirely sure what it stands for, so we've made this easy-to-understand replacement acronym for you: Communists pretendIng that they're important and that their opinions matter on the world Stage. Nordeng, who was not the biggest fan of the party's host, Greggor Ivanoff, yelled at the man for ten minutes straight upon his arrival at the event. Witnesses claim that Ivanoff was called a "pickle dick, piss poor, pig faced pansy", although Nordeng and his team have refused to verify this. 

The former delegate for Rock Island then made national news once again, when he criticised global sweetheart Foolish Bandit for having red piss. Bandit later took to social media to explain that he'd eaten lots of beetroot and really needed to pee, but forgot to flush afterwards. Nordeng then entered the same cubicle moments after Bandit left, which explains how he knew whose piss was red. After accusing our country's biggest claim to fame of being a communist sympathiser, he was banned from attending any future Foolish Bandit concerts, and was forced to return his extensive Bandit CD collection to the man himself. Julian has since apologised for his actions, but has not been forgiven by his victim.

When we contacted Big J for his own comments on how he perceives socialism, we were given a quirky anecdote on how he sees himself. "You see, I'm like a raging bull. Tall, strong, bulking muscles, ready to defend my family and honour. When I see that red cloth I go mad and try to destroy it. Anyone associated with that red cloth gets impaled by my mighty horns, flung high into the air where their hopes and dreams are, then brought crashing back down onto the ground, where reality is. I then stamp on them for good measure. One day, very soon, we'll destroy communism."

Back in 2017 during the founding ceremony of the Argic-Thalassan-Alharun Regional Association, it was said that Nordeng found the Iverican host, Desdemona Tomas-Morra. At the end of the ceremony, when the hotel rooms were being cleaned, several private notes were found by hotel staff and sold to The Peak. The notes were love poems, written by Nordeng about a "mysterious, endearing Iverican mistress", who we can only assume to be Tomas-Morra. You can view the entirety of each poem by purchasing our exclusive Peak Membership Pass, for only 2 Prynds a week! With the Peak Membership Pass, we'll give you the latest scoops on all the political and celeb gossip we have, before they have time to be verified by independent sources, allowing you to act fast and be the citizen you want to be.

 

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