news The Feudal Times

[Mauridiviah]

 

The Feudal Times is Mauridiviah's top newspaper. Founded during the times of the early monarchy, it has only been a hit since the fall of the monarchy due to a scandal about the paper refusing to change its name nor close. It gives news from the baised perspective of the Monarchist Party, a now minor but strong party in Mauridivian politics. The motto of Feudal Times is "SEMPER VERIDICVM", "Always truthful" in Latin.

[Mauridiviah]

Mauridivian Hiking Party Lost in Woods

 

This morning, the Guayare Police Department has begun another investigation for missing hikers, this time a party of 13 youths who, following in the great Mauridivian tradition of outdoorsmanship, seem to have strayed too far off the Ayacucho del Sur trail and are now presumed lost.

One of the youths' mother, Mrs. Marta Barrios, reported her son, Martinus Barrios, missing a few days ago, but the police department has learned to be lenient with the scheduled departure and arrival times of hiking parties, especially if they're composed of young people. This postponed the beginning of the search until today.

"I told him to be careful," Barrios said, crying. "I knew his friends would try to go off trail. I forbade him from going off trail,"

Guayare Police Department Head Lucas Minas says that this is not at all an uncommon occurance in his neck of the woods, pardon the pun. "We recieve hiking parties here every day. Some make it out on time, some are late, and some never come out at all. That's when we come in," Minas said.

The Police are beginning their search in the Planos Woodlands, the area in which the Ayacucho del Sur trail is located. So far, they've found no trace of the Barrios child or any other youth.

"The search has just begun and the people lost are young," Minas said, reassuringly, "They'll make it."

 

Police Department Head Lucas Minas addressing the press. Photographed by Alberto Grillo.

 

>When you took Journalism so you can't write an article without using the proper format.

Edited March 17, 2018 by Mauridiviah
Corrected which "Especially" I was using (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

Op-Ed: What happened to the Royal Family Anyway?

 

Many years ago today, on March 17th, Mauridiviah's second king, Victor I, was crowned king of The Most Serene Kingdom of Mauridiviah upon the death of his great-grandfather Richard I. The event was marked as a public holiday and was celebrated for a whole week. More recently, on February 21st of this year, the title of "king of The Most Serene Kingdom of Mauridiviah" passed from father to son when the previous king, Victor II, was forced to resign in favor of his son, Luis I,  due to a scandal involving tax evasion. However, February 21st of this year was not a public holiday and there was no celebrating in the streets. The media barely covered it. The Republic's government actually still recognizes most of the nobility's titles (despite the fact that they no longer correlate to any actual authority), why did no one care?

Kings of the Most Serene Kingdom of Mauridiviah

Reign	Name
January 22nd, 1924 - March 10th, 1927	Richard I
March 17th, 1927 - May 6th, 1940	Victor I
May 13th, 1940 - November 20th, 1954	Albertus I
November 27th, 1954 - April 7th, 1966	Richard II
April 14th, 1966 - March 30th, 1971	Mario I
April 6th, 1971 - January 4th, 1979	Albertus II
January 11th, 1979 - August 28th, 1985	Mario II
September 5th, 1985 - January 10th, 1988	Alberto I
January 11th, 1988 - February 11th, 1988	Felipe I
February 12th, 1988 - April 19th, 1988	Juan I

After the Crisis of 1988, the monarchy was overthrown and replaced with the Republic. However, titles from the era of the monarchy were still ceremonially recognized as part of the Compromise of 1989, as such the title of "King of the Most Serene Kingdom of Mauridiviah" was re-instituted.

Kings of the Most Serene Republic of Mauridiviah (Unofficially)

Reign	Name
January 1st, 1989 - September 11th, 2001	Alberto II
September 18th, 2001 - December 17th, 2009	Julio I
December 27th, 2009 - February 14th, 2017	Victor II
February 21st, 2017 - Still Reigning	Luis I

Ever since the Republican Revolution, the monarchy has lost its official standings in Mauridiviah, despite remaining popular. 

 

 It seems that the monarchy has lost a significant chunk of its popularity since the Revolution. Currently, it holds a significant following in rural communities and amongst the elderly, but that's about it. The monarchy simply is not appealing to the youth nowadays. 

 

Not everyone has given up on the monarchy, however. The Monarchist Party has been working hard ahead of this years' elections to re-popularize the monarchy, pulling stunts such as hosting a skateboarding contest between Prince Albertus and popular skater Tomas Rodriguez. How effective these stunts have been is yet to be seen.

However, allow me, as a sitting senator to propose a different solution to the issue of the monarchy's declining popularity: education.

Education? Huh?

Yes, education. You see, according to a recent poll by Cosmopolitica, 65% of Mauridivian youths have never heard of the monarchy. I believe that as a Party, we must rectify this by organizing events in colleges and high schools in order to reach youths and educate them about their liege. I don't believe that expensive celebrity stunts will get us anywhere near as much exposure to youths as showing up at the places of learning where they're required to be 4 times or more a week. This way, we'll also have a direct impact in the new generation's education, which will bolster our position in the polls.

Now, some may argue that just knowing about the monarchy is not enough to re-popularize it. Of course, I agree with this position, however, how can we convince someone that King Luis I is awesome if they've never heard of a "King Luis" or any member of the royal family before?

That is why educating is as important as popularizing, if not more so. In order to lead by example, I have organized an event at Simon Bolivar University on March 24th. I hope to see the top brass of the Monarchist Party there.

In conclusion, ever since the scandals of the late 1980s, the popularity of the royal family has waned to the point of obliviousness, especially in regards to the youth. The Monarchist Party has tried various extravagant methods to try and solve this, but some of us are now taking a more down-to-earth approach to dealing with the problem. Let's see if we can solve it, anyway.

Thank you for hosting us today The Feudal Times, and thank you for reading this, people of Mauridiviah.

Article By: Alejandro Lopez, Senator from Merida.

 

Edited March 28, 2018 by Mauridiviah
Cannon correction (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

Recent Execution Sparks Controversy

Yesterday morning at 8:48 A.M. convicted traitor Fernando Ambriz was executed for his alleged involvement in an anti-republican conspiracy in the 90s. His sentence was carried out at Rey Albertus II Prison through a firing squad, bizzarely at his own request.

Fernando Ambriz is one of the most notorious members of the Fuerzas Armadas Para La Liberacion De Mauridiviah, otherwise known as the Armed Forces for the Liberation of Mauridiviah or the FAPLM/AFLM. 

The FAPLM are a radical communist militia, the tactical but not ideological descendants of the Sitians, that began operations shortly after the Crisis of 1988 which marked the weakest moment in Mauridiviah's recent history. The group is speculated to have been founded on July 3rd 1988, but since none of the original militants survived there's no way for us to really know.

The group waged guerilla warfare against authorities in the least developed areas of the nation, especially the states of Planos and Veracruz. FAPLM also employed the terrorist tactics during the mid-1990s to bring about their revolution through fear. They were put to a stop in early 1999 after a devastating whistleblower revealed their entire operation and many of them were arrested or fled. 

Most militants were sentenced to life in prison or executed in the early 2000s, but not Ambriz.

Ambriz is most well known for being the mastermind behind El Libertador, the FAPLM's official newspaper, and there's no evidence that he was directly involved in any treasonous or terroristic activities. Despite this, after a lengthy legal process, he was convicted of treason and sentenced to death in 2006. Ambriz appealed the decision several times, but the conviction was upheld every time. The final trial occured on December 10th, 2017, during which his execution was scheduled as well as the method decided. Ambriz chose to die by firing squad.

Many people have spoken out against capital punishment as Ambriz's execution date approached, including prominent opposition leader Ramon Romano of the Mauridiviah Independence Party, who said in a statement a week before the execution, "We must fight to stop this form of cruel and usual punishment from continuing anywhere in Mauridiviah."

President Diego Polo himself has responded to the oppostion's comments in a statement this morning, which stated that "Some people are simply not worth keeping alive in a prison. I may not personally agree with the current liberal employment of the death penalty, but 9 different judges and juries found [Ambriz] guilty and deserveful of death. We must respect the system for the time being, and as such his execution was carried out."

In a recent poll by Liberalitas, only 38% of Mauridivians supported Ambriz's execution, however 60% of Mauridivians supported the death penalty overall.

 

Execution by firing squad is still a popular method of execution in Mauridiviah. Photo by Americanwar.com

 

Edited January 11, 2020 by Mauridiviah
Wrong language used for the group name (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

"Alto", An On-Demand Private Driver Service, Coming to Mauridiviah

Alto CEO Leroy Martinez stated in a press release in on Sunday that his new on-demand private driver service would soon be coming to Mauridiviah.

Alto, which means "high" or "stop", is an on-demand private driver serice which uses smartphones and the internet to reach its customers at any location. (Basically Uber). The company was only recently created, establishing their headquarters in the city of Santa Patria, however the product has been in the works, according to Martinez, since late 2016.

"I think that the introduction of [Alto] will benefit most people in Mauridiviah. It'll create jobs, encourage people to join us in the new electronic age, and allow people who don't have any other means of transport to get from point A to B. Our service will be completely safe, as we'll vett all of our drivers, and we'll also make sure that their cars are able to be safely driven on public roads." Martinez said in the press release.

Alto is also expected to be more inexpensive than the regular cab system. According to Alto's estimates, the average ride will only cost roughly 30 Comoes, whilst the average cab ride in Maurotopia can reach as high as 45 Comoes. Skeptics however, are abound.

"This service will crush the taxi industry. We will not let this happen." Taxi Driver's Association leader Marco Santos said. Santos leads the biggest taxi-driver union in Mauridiviah.

"People see us as sort of 'dishonorable chauffeurs' that drive them around in awful yellow cabs for stupendous amounts of money. In reality, we're just people trying to earn a hard living as a part of a vast service industry. Most of the money that you pay us never even reaches our pockets. It goes to the big taxi companies and of course, to our unions. Launching this product will cost thousands of hard-working Mauridivians their livelihoods." Santos prophesized.

Martinez however, is optimistic. "The economy is always evolving. It may seem like we're taking their jobs now, but I'm sure that in five years' time they'll have new, better jobs in a stronger economy, all thanks to the socio-economic changes of our product."

Alto's Beta phase, during which only 500 volunteer users will be allowed to use the service, doesn't begin until at least the middle of May. If it is successful, then the greater product will likely be avaliable to all Mauridivians by the end of this year's summer.

 

Taxis may soon be gone from Mauridiviah's roads. Photograph by Jose Gonzalez.

 

Edited January 11, 2020 by Mauridiviah
City name corrected (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

Interview with President Diego Polo About the Upcoming Election

Recently, The Feudal Times has had the priviledge of interviewing President Diego Polo about the upcoming election on June 3rd. The main topics were: How the right, the Mauridiviah Independence Party, the Boliviarian Party, and radical groups will fare in the election, how this election might destabalize Sitia once again, President Polo's new-found hatred of the media, if the government will be able to continue to collaborate after the election, and speculation about the 2020 presidential election. His Presidency was interviewed by Carlos Barruda.

 

Interviewer: Hello, Mr. President, hello, Mauridiviah. I am Carlos Barruda and I'll be interviewing President Polo on how he thinks the June 3rd Senatorial Election will go. So Mr. President, how do you think that the right will fare in this election?

President Diego Polo: I think that as we have seen, the right will continue to decline. The Monarchists were nearly half of the legislature back in 1988 and '89, but nowadays people seem to understand that unregulated markets and backwards monarchies are simply not the answer to the issues currently facing our society. However, I will not deny the speedy rise of Libertad, and I do seriously believe that they will be replacing the Monarchists as the main party of the right.

Interviewer: Are you denying that Capitalism is the best system of economics?

President Diego Polo: No, are you stupid? Does the Feudal Times send only idiots to interview political figures? As I said, unregulated free markets are not the way to go. I completely support regulated free markets. This is why the Bolivarian Party has never collaborated with the Sitian Unionist Party in any economic issues.

Interviewer: Alright. Let's talk about the current rising star of Mauridivian politics: the Mauridiviah Independence Party. How do you think they will fare in this election?

President Diego Polo: I seriously believe that they've reached their peak in the 2015 election and are on the way down. If you saw the polls in 2013, 2014, and 2015 they were polling very, very well, often between 30-40% of the vote. As big as us. However, if you look at polls now, such as the recent Cosmopolitica survey, you can clearly see that they can barely get above 20% of the pledged vote now. Ramon Romano's "party of the future" is collapsing. They're simply too communist and too radical for the Mauridiviah of today, or rather, any Mauridiviah.

Interviewer: Harsh words against a party which most people consider to be "nearly identical" according to an internal Feudal Times survey.

President Diego Polo: I don't find it surprising that illiberal autocrats on the right can't tell the difference between a moderate social democratic party and a radical social democratic party.

Interviewer: Well, uh-- Moving on, how do you think your party will fare in this election?

President Diego Polo: I believe that our party will perform strongly this election. Very, very strongly. We might even take over the entire legislature according to some polls.

Interviewer: Of course, of course. Now let's talk about a rising fringe group in Mauridivian politics: the Patriot Party. How do you think that they will fare on this election?

President Diego Polo: Ah, yes--- I was waiting for this one. As you know, I have widely condemned fascism and communism in the harshest of terms. I don't believe the Patriot Party will ever rise about 1% of the vote. However, the government is aware that they're using violence in order to coerce entire neighborhoods in cities like Sant Juan-- and we're working very closely with the local police department to prevent any illegal activities from occuring on June 3rd.

Interviewer: Speaking of communism, how do you think this situation will impact the shaky political situation in Sitia?

President Diego Polo: I'd say that I simply don't know. Sitians are, as they've been in the past-- completely apathetic to all the current political parties. At best, we might see some protests demanding the pardoning of Nicolas Manetas and his comrades; at worst, we might see a restart of the violence that marked the 1990s in that region of Mauridiviah. There was a huge strike the week of Ambriz's execution. I think that's a good however, as it shows that they're no longer willing to pick up a gun and shoot innocents to accomplish their political goals over there.

Interviewer: Indeed. Now, let's go into some speculation. Do you think that if this election results in an even more hung Senate, that legislators will be able to continue negotiating as they've been doing now?

President Diego Polo: I certainly hope so. I don't think that we'll have another Crisis of 1988 less than 30 years after the landmark compromise. If worse comes to worse, I will dissolve the Senate, however I think we can last two years without destroying ourselves.

Interviewer: Do you have any predictions for how the legislative elections will go in 2020?

President Diego Polo: Not really, no. Anything could happen.

Interviewer: What about the presidential elections that year?

President Diego Polo: I certainly hope that I can be re-elected for the good of this country. As far as I can see it, my main competitors will be Enrico Mancha from the Republican Party and Ramon Romano from the Mauridiviah Independence Party and I don't really see them as major contenders. I doubt that they people of Mauridiviah see them as possible presidents as well. If I am replaced, I'm sure that neither of them will be the one replacing me.

Interviewer: Any final thoughts?

President Diego Polo: I encourage people to come vote in these elections. Not necessarily for my party, the party that you think is best. It is very important for people to be involved in our political process so that Mauridiviah can get better and better every day. Thank you for having me and may Mauridiviah prosper.

Interviewer: Well Mr. President, thank you for freeing up your very busy schedule to talk to us, and goodbye Mauridiviah!

Mauridiviah will be voting on June 3. Also, a big issue not addressed in this interview is if the government will be procuring better ballot boxes for this election. Photograph by Alberto Grillo.

 

Edited May 13, 2018 by Mauridiviah (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

Mauridivian Hiking Party Found

The lost hiking party of 13 was was found near this morning Cumbra Verde, roughly 10 miles from Ayachucho del Sur trail, by the Guayare Police Department.

The hiking party was lost for nearly 9 days in the rough Mauridivian jungle, but they all managed to pull through. Martinus Barrios reunited with his mother, Mrs. Marta Barrios, in a tearful family reunion just before a big family lunch. No one in the hiking party was killed, however a young woman named Maria Abril had been suffering from dysentry from several days when the party was found and could've died if she hadn't recieved medical attention.

"They were very, very lucky to have been found. If they hadn't built and maintained their campfire we would've never seen the smoke and they likely would've died," Head of the Guayare Police Department Lucas Minas said. 

Whilst they were missing, the youths made a small jungle camp at the foot of the mountain and constantly maintained a campfire to provide them with relief from mosquitos, wild animals, as well as a constant source of light and heat, and of course the invaluable smoke that would show they were there.

The Guayare Police Department affirms that this rescue is following a new and hopeful trend of more people being rescued than ever before, due to mostly increased public diligence and an improvement in canvassing techniques.

Interestingly enough, Mauridivian author and filmmaker Eduardo Renzi has said that he "might" be making a short documentary film on this particular party of young hikers. He, like the country, has been enamored by their brave tale of survival in the face of adversity and unity during hard times.

"It's a very interesting story. We're all very happy that they survived to tell it," Renzi said.

 

More and more Mauridivians are surviving going into the woods these days. Photograph by Jose Gonzalez.

Eduardo Renzi, Mauridivian filmmaker and author. Photograph by Alberto Grillo.

 

Edited March 25, 2018 by Mauridiviah
*Mauridivian not Mauridiviah. Woops. (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

EMERGENCY BROADCAST FROM THE MAURIDIVIAN GOVERNMENT

DUE TO INCREASED TENSIONS WITH THE ORGANIZATION OF DERTHALEN, THE GOVERNMENT OF THE MOST SERENE REPUBLIC OF MAURIDIVIAH HEREBY ORDERS ALL CITIZENS TO AVOID AND VACATE TERRITORY, WATERS, AND AEROSPACE CONTROLLED BY DERTHALEN.

Edited March 30, 2018 by Mauridiviah (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

Coast Guardsman Refuses to Save Member of Opposing Political Party from Drowning

Young Coast Guardsman Pedro Piedras, a member of the Mauridiviah Independence Party, refused to save 21 year old Patriot Party member Marco Nessi as "he wasn't worth saving", sparking national outrage.

It was a lovely Sunday aftertoon in the beach town of Costa Blanca just like any other, until a young man ventured to deep into the ocean and was pulled by the current splashing, at approximately 3:45 PM. The local Coast Guardsman on duty in that strip of the beach, Pedro Piedras, was informed by others seeing the spectacle that a man needed his aid. He took note and dived into the water to offer his services. While swimming towards the silently drowning man however, he noticed the back of his shirt from about 10 meters away: the rough outline of the Patriot Party logo. 

Piedras stopped in his tracks. Could he really save a "racist, supremacist, homophobic piece of s***"? No, he could not. Piedras dove deeper into the water, pretended to swim towards him whilst struggling against the current (which was an issue, so that helped his facade there) and waited for the youth to stop struggling. At this point, he arrived to render "aid", only to find a corpse.

The incident was officially dubbed a regular death by drowning with no foul play, one of those moments when not even a Coast Guardsman can protect you from the treacherous ocean. However, the youth's family did not think so and pressed charges against the Coast Guard department of Costa Blanca. This lead to an investigation, and eventually the reveal of the lie. Pedro Piedras confessed to allowing Marco Nessi to die by drowning yesterday.

"I couldn't save him. I couldn't do that to Mauridiviah. People like him, they're the reason why the country is so f***ed up. He had to die. Call it fate if you believe in that sort of thing, but I think that the universe was just restoring the balance. He simply wasn't worth saving," Piedras said in an interview after his confession on Monday.

The Republic, now taking over for the prosecution, (as this is no longer a Civil case, but a Criminal case) has charged Piedras with gross negligence whilst on duty and first degree manslaughter.

This story has sparked widespread outrage at the increasing politicization of Mauridivian society, prompting backlash from all over the spectrum.

"This is absolutely disgusting. Peope like this should've never been allowed to join the Coast Guard," Monarchist radio host Augusto Moreno said whilst speaking with a caller about this piece of news. "This really just shows that Mauridiviah's political landscape is becoming a toxic mess," his anonymous caller added. 

This is becoming an increasingly popular view among Mauridivians. According to a recent survey conducted by Respublica, 72% of Mauridivians believe daily life has become "dangerously politicized".

Bizzarely, there has been support voiced for Piedras' side, especially on the internet.

"This is exactly what people like the Coast Guard and the police should be doing," anonymous internet blogger from the known leftist blogsite 'Pink Revolution' explained, "they are protecting Mauridiviah from fascists and other autocrats and bigots. They simply don't belong here, and as long as they remain here, we the people have the right to strike back through any means necessary,"

Ramon Romano, leader of the Mauridiviah Independence Party, has widely condemned this as a "blantantly immoral act". President Diego Polo has personally dishonorably discharged Piedras from the Mauridivian Coast Guard.

 

Pedro Piedras consulting with his lawyer before his confession. Photograph by Alberto Grillo.

Edited April 26, 2018 by Mauridiviah (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

The War on Cigarettes

Yesterday the Unidad Contra Cigarro, abbreviated as UCC (English: Anti-Smoking Unit, ASU) seized several tons of illegal cigars and cigarettes at the port of Concepcion as they were being smuggled into the country by suspected Cashari traffickers. 

This event has once again lit the fires of the cigar debate in Mauridiviah. Ever since the Third Republican Congress, led by the now defunct Movement for the 21st Century, passed the controversial Public Health and Wellness Act, smoking of any kind has been banned in Mauridiviah. This act also banned the production, sale, import or export of all tobacco products. 

That act also banned all recreational drug use as part of the so-called Purity Movement that wanted Mauridiviah to enter the new century as a moral monolith. 

However, most of these restrictions have been removed since then and the act has been widely condemned by both the Mauridiviah Independence Party and the Bolivarian Party. Despite this, the ban on tobacco remains.

That is not to say that the current government actively supports the ban. Both parties have spoken about removing the ban on tobacco, but this is a very low priority on the government's mind. 

However, this incident has rekindled the conversation, and might lead to the long-awaited death of the Public Health and Wellness Act, nicknamed by many Mauridivians the "Mother said No Act".

It is also well known that despite the tobacco ban, many Mauridivians regularly use tobacco products. The Mauridiviah Public Health Institute estimates that as many as 11% of adults smoke either cigars or cigarettes.

 

Smoking and all tobacco products have been banned since 1996 in Mauridiviah. Photograph by No-Smoking.org.

 

[Mauridiviah]

Who is "Better Together"?

A case will be presented to the Supreme Court of Mauridiviah on April 28th regarding which major Mauridivian corporation owns the slogan "Mejor Juntos", or "Better Together".

It is no mystery that Mauridivian copyright law is very loose and it is common to see companies copy each other in the ways of logos and marketing slogans. However, those days might soon be over.

Two corporations, Frescolita Inc. and the Cooperative Farmer's Market Alliance, known to Mauridivians as the small supermarket chain Cooperacion, are going to the Supreme Court. The dispute is who owns the advertising slogan "Mejor Juntos". Under Mauridivian copyright law, they technically both own the slogan, as Frescolita owns the slogan in its italicized form whilst Cooperacion owns the slogan in the Times New Roman font. Despite the fact that Cooperacion has been selling Frescolita products (such as the popular soft drink Cola de Zorro, or Colazorro) under that slogan for years, they have decided to press their claim for the full ownership of the slogan as they claimed it for marketing purposes all the back in 1946 when the cooperative was first formed.

That is not the only reason for this case, which was dismissed as illegitimate in both the La Posada District Court and at the Maurotopia Regional Court, however. Companies have tried to get the government to toughen up on the extremely loose copyright rules before, which have more or less been this way since the 1930s, but have failed. As such, blatant intellectual property theft, to the benefit of the Mauridivian consumer, has been rampant for the better part of a century. Through this Supreme Court case the bigger corporations of Mauridiviah hope to finally force the government to tighten copyright laws.

Government analysts such as Vicente Muros say this is unlikely, despite the corporate media campaign around the issue.

"The court has been hearing similar court cases, even with similar amounts of publicity, since at least Soledad v. La Compañia de Fruta Unida in 1943. Although the law is ambigous enough that it could be interpreted in a different way, with the current court that's unlikely to happen." Muros said.

Several Supreme Court Justices, including the Speaker of the Court Mario Corona, agree with Muros' analysis.

"This court was elected by the Senate, the People, and the Men of Law of this nation nearly ten years ago to represent their growing needs and interests. We still believe that this interpretation of the law is the best for the people of Mauridiviah".

 

Protesters outside a side entrance of the Supreme Court during the Crisis of 1988. Photograph by Manuel Arrias.

 

Edited July 4, 2018 by Mauridiviah
Corrected language (see edit history)

[Mauridiviah]

Mauridiviah Accepted into ATARA

The Minister of Foreign Affairs confirmed on Monday that Mauridiviah's application to join the Argic-Thalassan-Alharun Regional Association, otherwise known as ATARA, has been accepted and we have gained full membership status in the organization.

"This is a great opportunity for us," said Diego Polo, who held a press release regarding our joining ATARA this morning, "It will allow us to increase our regional economic cooperation. This will bring many new consumers to our markets and many new tourists to our beaches and hiking trails."

There is of course opposition to the plan, mainly in the form of the Mauridiviah Independence Party and the Sitian Unionist Party. 

"The Bolivarian Party, named after a dictator and always acting as such, has decided to unilaterally include us in a trade block which will seek export cheap laborers into our nation that will compete with our local workers. Today is a very, very sad day." Romano said.

However, Diego Polo fired back on Wittier, saying "Romano has lied once again to the people...... it is a disgrace that he would think that we would do anything to harm our workforce".

There has also been discussion on the possibility of taking economic action against Derthalen from within ATARA. The Minister of Foreign Affairs, when asked if Mauridiviah would pursue to sanction Derthalen from within ATARA, said "It is very much a possibility. We're looking into it."

 

The Minister of Foreign Affairs addresses the press. Photograph by Jaider Aissami.

 

[Mauridiviah]

Referenda Results are In!

The results of the two promised referendums are now in, with not particularly shocking results: Tobacco has become legal and Mauridiviah's ATARA membership has been confirmed. 

During the elections some parties began to promise (as they often do) referenda for everyone and everything, in an effort to seem more democratic. These two referenda are the result of this competition, although they have been long-awaited.

Complications began after the previous elections. The Elections Comission originally estimated that they could hold elections as early as July 10th but after the government abolished the feudal statute (see below) of the Compromise of 1989, a lot of the government's free hands were moved towards dismantling that system and were taken away from the EC's human resources pool. 

As a result, the referenda were moved to August 18th. Many took to Wittier to complain about the delays in both hosting the vote and giving the results, but those concerns quickly subsided as the results began to come out. Tobacco was legalized with 88,76% of the vote (no surprise there) and ATARA membership was confirmed with 64,24% of the vote. ATARA membership proved to be a particularly divisive issue, as protectionists within the nation were concerned that joining ATARA would hurt local industry. Union leaders were particularly against ATARA membership.

"I can't believe that Mauridiviah's workers would betray eachother like this. This is unacceptable! The service sector has abandoned manufacturing and agriculture! This is a disgrace to our workers, who instead of standing together, have decided to stand apart. I can't believe I must keep reminding EVERYONE of this, but the workers of the world MUST unite!" Alfonso Parros, a rising star in the Liberal-Labor party, shouted from a makeshift podium as he addressed a small crowd around him.

Parros' feelings were expressed widely by unions, the Liberal-Labor party, the Mauridiviah Independence party, the Sitian Unionist and Revolutionary parties, as well as several members of the Bolivarian party itself. This sentiment was also criticized heavily, however.

"The Mauridiviah left-wing has decided that this was the hill to die on: the hill of an over-regulated, stangant, and isolated economy. It is truly baffling that anyone could seriously and with a straight face argue against ATARA membership" Simon Buenavides (leader of Libertad) said while addressing a crowd in celebration of the vote results. "The left only wants to destroy Mauridiviah. They've always wanted that. Under the veil of 'workers' rights' they destroy our economy and an individual's ability to compete in a fair and equal market." Buenavides continued.

These issues will likely continue to be debated for years to come, but as of now, Mauridiviah has spoken in favor of more globalization and more drugs.

 

Simon Buenavides addressing supporters in a political rally. Photograph by Manuel Arrias.

 

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Mundus Liber Sparks Outrage

Ever since the recent publishing of the Mundus Liber Inalienable Rights Rankings, several nations (mainly those that ranked lower than Mauridiviah) have been complaining about their position on the think tank's list, and millions have taken their outrage unto social media.

The most recent Mundus Liber ranking had to do with the "inalienable rights" as described by the Alharun Humanist Institute, which are actually weirdly left-wing for Mundus Liber. Countries that ranked higher had citizens with more rights and freedoms that are considered by scholars across two continents as 'essential' for human survival, those that ranked lower offered their citizens less rights and freedoms.

However, as in every group, radicals blinded by ideology are everywhere, and among them are apparently several world leaders and prominent politicians. 

Controversially, Prymontian politician and ATARA Delegate Julian Nordeng went on air on a local radio to voice his shock at the survey results. "Clearly, those Mauridivians are twisting our amazing laws to fit their own communist agenda" Nordeng said, before being corrected by the host.

The madness didn't end there however as he went on, "Let's look at the results, shall we? Number one, Variota. Bollocks. That plastic surgery abortion known as Dina Diva probably sucked off every commie working for the Mundus Liber to get number one. Adaptus, number two. Bollocks again. They sucked off the commies too, but they weren't as good so they only got second. And then Mauridiviah third! The cheek of it! But that's not all, oh no no no! Ahrana... now, are you ready for this... fourth! They're communist filth! They should be dead last! And then Lysia fifth, how did that happen? The commies were probably too drunk on that water-like Lysian wine to think properly. Sayf is sixth, they're clearly up to no good, probably threatened to suicide bomb the Mundus Liber HQ if they didn't rank well, and Gallambria is seventh. Nobody even knows what they do!", after this disaster, Nordeng concluded his rant with "We should be number one, plain and simple."

We might go on to correct Mr. Nordeng, but upon hearing about this Ms. Dina Diva, the leader of Het Huisselant Variota (La Patria de Variota), made sure to put out a bounty to fight his attacks against herself and others. "I am a woman of class and as a woman of class, I cannot let such insults go away without consequences....... I am hereby proclaiming that a bounty will be put on Julian Nordeng until a time when he is either removed from public life and forced into a life of anonymity or he is forced to go into rehab and apologizes to me personally in person......... Make a pie filled with sh*t and push it into his face, make him swallow his balls by kicking them into his throat, fill his car or house with garbage, go wild and prank his ass off," Ms. Diva said. Now, I'm sure that every Mauridivian would agree that Mr. Nordeng's remarks were uncalled for.... but Ms. Diva's response is truly the definition of escalation. What's next, nuclear war?

Ms. Diva also directly addressed the staff of Mundus Liber, saying "Mundus Liber boys, have a drink on me tonight! Just send the bill to my production team and we'll wire it over. It's the least we can do for accurately portraying Het Huisselant as the paradise that it is.'' That is indeed blatant nationalistic propagande, but an anonymous source within the Mundus Liber Institute has confirmed that "free booze is free booze, whether it was given to you by your cousin or the creepy kid down the street who always tries to kill your cat." Take that as you will.

The outrage also spread to Faramount, which actually sent a letter to Secretary of State Marco Luti which was recently released to the public that demanded that the survey be taken down immediately because it was a "libelous [attack] upon our administration -- and, by proxy, the free people that elected it" This of course generated chuckles all over the internet.

While these squabbles were taking place in foreign lands, Mauridivian social media went after one particular world leader: "Emperor" John Valentino of Asgeirria. Mainly because, while the remarks and drama in Prymont and Variota were funny (if not tragic), Valentino's response to the survey hardly was. We, the staff of the Feudal Times, would like to respond to that response now.

"This isn't a genuine ranking of nation's freedoms, this is a crusade of conformism." is how Mr. Valentino decided to begin his speech, apparently not realizing that not everything that soceity likes is bad. After mentally jerking off the Asgeirrian conservatives for a couple sentences, he continued, " Perhaps the small minds of this world see us 'authoritarian' or 'backwards', but ask any man on the street what the government gives him, and he will answer his right to choose," seeming to forget that Asgeirrians lack the ability to choose perhaps the most important choice of all, the one that will affect all others made within one's lifetime: the ability to choose a government. He then went on to say some more empty politician speak before finally concluding, "No matter what any insular survey says, we are free."

Mundus Liber are by no means an objective rubric of freedom, but even we, a newspaper who's public position is pro-monarchy, understand the value of democracy and the fine line a nation without walks between autocracy and "benevolent" dictatorships. Asgeirria might not be an authoritarian hell-hole now, but it will likely become one in the future, and most political scientists are able to see that. The only people that seem to be unaware of that is Asgeirrians themselves.... but then again, government indoctrination has worked marbles in the Imperial States of Europe, so why not Asgeirria?

In conclusion, Mundus Liber should publish more rankings more often.

 

A meme weeted out by President Polo about John Valentino. Meme by Unknown.

 

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The Feudal Times Loses Its Namesake!

The government has finalized the most significant change of Mauridivian society in recent memory: the end to the feudal provisions of the Compromise of 1989. With that, The Feudal Times' name has now become doubly wrong.

With the big Bolivarian win in early June, President Polo has decided to finally put an end to any kind of feudal system in Mauridiviah. Under the previous provisions, landlords could be named in an official setting someone's "Lord", and any tennants living in that landlord's property could've been legally addressed as a "Serf". Municipalities could even enact laws to mandate that people be addressed in these and similar ways. 

However, that is now a thing of the past. The government has finalized the legislation finally repealing those specific provisions, which means that you can now be held in contempt of court if use your feudal in a legal setting, and all laws mandating that such titles be used outside of a legal setting are now repealed.

This has had the rather amusing result of invalidating this newspaper's name for a second time, the first being the original fall of the monarchy, which compared to this was the biggest tragedy of our generation (9/11 of course deserves that title more).

Our readers do not need to be alarmed, the newspaper will not be getting renamed ever. For as long as journalism is financially profitable, and even probably long after that, The Feudal Times will remain, always critical and always loyal to our rightful king, who currently is Luis I. Long Live the King! Viva el Rey!

 

The Feudal Times' logo. It was made by the founder's girlfriend while she was high on cocaine by clipping several maganizes together. Logo by Maria Murtell.

 

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Terrorism on the Rise Worldwide

Another day, another terrorist attack. This time, the city hall of Narlis in Aluxia has been blown up by presumably anti-government radicals (or the government themselves, it's hard to tell these days.)

This comes less than three months after the terrorist attack on Fulgistan, which took place on June 5th in the city of Jintakh. This might be the first time some of you have read about this attack, as the national media was too busy with the senatorial election that was taking place at the time. 

The attack on Aluxia is just the latest of a series of sporadic, similarly unrelated attacks that began with the horrific events happening in the Hellenic Rus, continued on with events in Ahrana, and recently terrorism has struck Mauridiviah's newest ally, Fulgistan.

Several security analysts for the government have expressed concern at the apparent rise of terrorism, political instability leading to civil conflict, and the growing prominence of terror states, stating that these unrelated groups are starting to collectively present a significant threat to not just Mauridiviah, but the entire free world.

"The rise of political entities who don't shy away from using terrorist and other violent tactics to achieve their goals-- in Ahrana, in the Hellenic Rus, in Fulgistan, in Derthalen, in Greater Serbia, in the Imperial States of Europe, and now in Aluxia-- is extremely depressing. It is a deeply depressing thing. It is also, and more importantly, very dangerous." Arturo Carto warned in a recent interview with La Vista. "The government can't keep putting the growing issue of terrorism on the back burner just because it's so controversial. Something must be done before the news start speaking of a bomb exploding in a Mauridivian city, instead of Fulgistani one."

 

The aftermath of the Jintakh city attack, which left 8 dead and 30 wounded. Photography by the Fulgistani Bureau of Internal Information and Revolutionary Ideals.

 

[Mauridiviah]

Mauridivian Names: Could they get any worse?

Mauridivians have always been bad at naming things, from an entire city named after a place to stay for the night to a a silent and useless 'h' at the end of the nation's name, this is nothing new. A new trend has been gaining more traction recently, however: Mauridivians being bad at naming babies.

Now, crazy baby names are not a concept. Even under the monarchy, no rules actually governed what name could be placed on a birth certificate, and as such Mauridiviah recieved all kinds of crazy names (such as the names of everyone in the national soccer team) like Yudagirl, Wuteringheights, Nyleven, Jesus Cristo Dios Immortal, and Derthalen Christian Imperial Truth. Recently however, the amount of "unusual" baby names recorded has skyrocketed.

The government first noticed this trend when it realized that they had recieved hundreds of birth certificates with the same baby name: Greggor Ivanoff, or just Ivanoff (with Greggorina Ivanoff and Ivanoffia being their female forms). Yes, hundreds of Mauridivian parents thought it was wise to name their children after the notorious Ahranian dictator. The magazine Mauridiviah Hoy  asked several of the new mothers why they had chosen such an eccentric name for their child. Here are some of the responses:

Manuela Sandras Lama, 28: "Well, I don't really know a lot about like, Avrana, Anora, whatever that place was. I just saw his name on the news once and thought it was a good name. They showed his picture in that sexy orange jumpsuit they make people wear in prison and he looked real strong. So yeah, that's why I called my son Ivanoff."

Alicia Santieras Rodriguez, 27: "My husband, Pedro, was just watching the TV one day when his name came up. They were all like 'accused of allowing the killings of thousands' and 'brutal dictator of Orana' but what really caught mi amorcito's eyes was the name: Greggor Ivanoff. He called me over and said 'Look honey, isn't that a beautiful name?' and I looked at it and thought 'yeah'.We named our daughter Greggorina Ivanoff after that."

Nina Monagas Veda, 31: "It's simple really. The news media can say whatever they want, lyin' all the time, but I know that Comrade Greggor Ivanoff has been executed and smeared based on lies from the Ahranian opposition. He was establishing true communism in Ahrana and was going to move on to the rest of the world, but the monarchist and globalist scum stopped him. As I know that he was a great man destined for greatness, I have named my son Greggor Ivanoff so that he might aspire to be at least half the man Greggor Ivanoff was."

Sometimes we, the staff of The Feudal Times, wonder where we went wrong. Then we immediately answer: The fall of the monarchy.

 

The driver's license of a Mauridivian man, his name in Anglish is "James Bond Zero Zero Seven Carrion Vargas". Photograph by Mariam Lourdes.

 

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New Mauridivian Political Party: The Death to the State Party

On a quiet day in December 2018 in the town of La Posada, a new party headquarters was registered. It wasn't another chapter of the Republican Party trying to re-grow its support in the area; it was an anarcho-communist movement led by Gustavo Maximo.

"We will KILL the corrupt politicians that ruin this country!" Maximo shouted into a crowd of thousands of black-clad supporters on January 11. "There's a spectre haunting Mauridiviah: the spectre of communism. A spectre that is ready burst out and take over! We must fight the power, but the only way to do that, is to infiltrate it, to poison it from the inside, and then DESTROY IT!"

This founding of this party signifies a resurgence in the Mauridivian Far-Left, which has been struggling to gain ground since the disastrous rebellion in Sitia in the late 1990s. While some anarchists have critized this rather unorthrodox approach towards achieving an anarchist revolution, Maximo assures that he will achieve a revolution before the end of the next decade and fight fascism.

In a recent incident on February 5th, a group of Death to the State counterprotesters attacked Patriot Party protesters.

"We've already won several victories against fascists at Sant Juan! We shall ride into this next election with the spirit of those victories!" Maximo weeted after the police reported that it had arrested 48 people and that the clashes had resulted in 3 injured.

"Personally, I don't think we have anything to fear from them in the next election," President Polo commented in an interview on newschannel Unionvision. "They're just a bunch of uppity college students who will soon be re-incorporated into society by either our great education system or our great rehabilitation programs." 

 

Logo of Antifa, who's banner is often present at Death to the State rallies. Logo by Antifascistaktion.com

 

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Government: 'Star Trek: The Klingons Have Done It Again!' is non-canon

On Tuesday, January 7th, Secretary of Culture Bozaan Perez finally settled one of the most fiery debates of Wittier history: is the independently-made Star Trek movie canon?

"Star Trek: The Klingons Have Done It Again" is a comedy Star Trek spin-off that potrays the United Federation of Planets as a bunch of fumbling idiots overwhelmed by bureaucracy and good-intentions, completely unable to deal with the tricky and witty Klingon outlaw, Ba'el. It was funded by several independent international studios, and was released in 2016, and it soon proceeded to divide the nation.

The people on Wittier roughly fall into two camps: those who think the movie is a comedic goldmine and should be made canon, and those who think that it disgraces the franchise and should therefore not be made canon. The decision, however, ultimately falls under the perview of the Mauridivian government.

This may seem odd to some of our international viewers, but there's actually a perfectly sane explanation for why the government declares what's canon and what's not canon in Star Trek: they own it. After Juan Raudenbaya died in 1991, legally the exclusive copyright expired and the product entered public doman, however Raudenbaya, thankful that the government picked up his project nearly 30 years before, left the ownership of the franchise to the state itself. How could Mauridivian law solve this contraditction?

Well, in one of the first Supreme Court cases in the Republic's history, the court ruled 21-11 that while the government couldn't prevent people from using the work in their works, it did have a final say as to what was canon and what was not. From that point on, it has been the job of the Secretary of Culture to determine whether a new book, movie, or TV Show was canon in the Star Trek universe.

This most recent ruling has only re-ignited a debate that has been relentlessly going on for years, with many criticizing the government for not entering the debate sooner and instead choosing to wait until now. And of course, that the government chose to declare it non-canon.

 

The most recent Star Trek logo for the show Star Trek: Discovery. Screenshot by Multicinema Studios.

 

Edited March 24, 2019 by Mauridiviah (see edit history)