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This week in weirdo news.


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Questionable Judgments

 

In April, William Bethel Jr. confessed to police during a traffic stop that the station wagon he was driving was mainly used for transporting corpses for his friend's mortuary service but that he was using it just then to deliver pizzas for Domino's of Feasterville, Pa. (Bethel quickly resigned.) [bucks County Courier Times, 4-26-06]

 

Recent Notable Protests

 

(1) In February, children's book author Frank Feldmann, 35, trespassed to the top of the St. Augustine (Fla.) Lighthouse in the middle of the night, wearing a tiger suit, to decry child pornography on the Internet. However, his point was not immediately understood by police on the ground below because of communication problems posed by his voice-muffling tiger mask. (2) The residents of Steuben County in upstate New York, who attended a community rally in January to protest a planned clean-energy windmill farm, mostly criticized its unsightliness, but one opponent objected because windmill blades make whirring noises that to him resemble sounds of Nazi holocaust torture. [WKMG- TV (Orlando), 2-7-06] [Wired.com, 1-15-06]

 

The Pervo-American Community

 

New York City raw-food restaurateur Dan Hoyt, 43, was sentenced to two years' probation in April for a highly publicized 2005 incident in which he indecently exposed himself on a subway train in front of a 22-year-old woman, who reacted by photographing him with her cell phone and displaying the shot on the Internet. In an April interview with New York magazine, Hoyt shrugged off the incident, calling his habit just another facet of a "pretty cool," thrill-seeking person. "I've met women who enjoy (being flashed)." Except for the subway incident, even his victim would "probably want to go out with me." [New York magazine, 4-10-06, New York Post, 4-19-06]

 

Least Competent Criminals

 

Short Attention Spans: Brian M. Williams, 21, was arrested for allegedly robbing Houchens Market in Glasgow, Ky., in April; police had found him minutes afterward across the street filling his gas tank. And Nathan Myles, 25, was sentenced in March to three years in prison for a lengthy, destructive police chase in Thunder Bay, Ontario; it ended when Myles stopped for a haircut. And Mario Caracoza, 26, was arrested for allegedly robbing a Bank of America in Bristol Township, Pa., in May; police had found him minutes afterward eating breakfast at the Sunrise Diner next door. [Glasgow Daily Times, 4-18-06] [Thunder Bay Chronicle Journal, 3-4-06] [Trentonian, 5-9-06]

 

 

 

 

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I've got one.

 

There was a bloke, wearing a balacalva, arrested after he attempted to rob a bank with an object wrapped in a paper bag.

 

Normally, wrapping something in a plastic bag in order to make it look like a gun would work, except this man had decided to wrap a banana in a clear polythene bag. D'oh!

 

He was arrested whilst struggling to get his balacalva off, as it was several sizes too small.

 

I can't remember the details of where or when it was.

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lol. I guess you really can't expect genius from a common thief, anyway.

 

Since it's Sunday, I have a new batch of news stories. You'll have to excuse the back to back postings, but since I joined the forum late this week, I decided to post last weeks as well. Anyway, hope you enjoy...

 

Lead Story

 

In a May dispatch from Atlanta on Southerners' notoriously unnutritious, fat-laden cuisine, a Chicago Tribune reporter watered readers' mouths with descriptions of the "hamdog" and the "Luther" (prized dishes of Mulligan's restaurant in Decatur, Ga.), which are, respectively, "a half-pound of hamburger meat wrapped around a hot dog, which is deep-fried and served on a hoagie topped with chili, bacon and a fried egg," and "a half-pound burger served with bacon and cheese on a Krispy Kreme doughnut." The 11 states from Washington, D.C., to Florida, west to Texas, have the nation's highest mortality rate from strokes, but, said a University of Mississippi professor, "Food is a strong emblem of identity for Southerners," uniquely shared across racial lines. [Chicago Tribune, 5-16-06]

 

Can't Possibly Be True

 

Near Tampa, Fla., in May, Robin Key, 44, survived a .38-caliber gunshot through the windshield of her minivan when the bullet came to rest in her lap after being slowed by hitting her shoulder belt and bra strap. And in New York City in April, Glenda Clarke, 26, in a rest room of a nightclub when a gunfight erupted outside, survived a bullet that tore through a door, grazed her scalp, and came to rest in her thick hair weave. [st. Petersburg Times, 5-16-06] [New York Daily News, 4-9-06]

 

In May, a judge in Edmonton, Alberta, ordered Shee Theng, 30, to serve a nine-month community-control sentence for partially scalping his then-girlfriend by attempting to "style" her hair with a power drill, a technique he said he learned about on a TV infomercial. Theng admitted that he knew it was a bad idea because he had previously screwed up his own hair trying it out. [Edmonton Sun, 5-11-06]

 

More Things to Worry About

 

Spokane, Wash., dentist Henry G. Kolsrud, 82, decided to give up his license in May rather than face punishment for having an unsanitary office; among the charges: that he kept cat food in the office refrigerator with dental supplies, and that he scooped up cat vomit around the office with dental spatulas.

 

And finally, a classic from the week of Janurary 8th, 2006:

 

Recurring Themes

 

Guilty Despite Deformity: In November, engineering student Mischa Beutling, 22, became the most recent rape defendant to profess innocence by impossibility, arguing that his penis is simply too large to have committed the crime. Beutling, who stands 6-7 and weighs 240 pounds, called a urologist to the stand in Newmarket, Ontario, to testify that Beutling's is 8 1/2 inches long "semi-relaxed" and 6 1/2 inches in circumference and that a woman who has not given birth could not accommodate it without serious injury. (In December, a judge named Margaret Eberhard found Beutling guilty.) [Toronto Sun, 10-29-05, 12-3-05]

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