Jump to content

Favourite Movie Quotes


Paranoid schizo
 Share

Recommended Posts

We're all very different and different things stick in your memory from movies you've seen in the past. Some are classic lines that are now legend and others more obscure that might only mean something to an individual but will always make you smile if you get to use them in conversation!

A couple of my faves are: "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" From the original Italian job.

From Zulu: "I know you're alive Jenkins, I've seen you!"

Or my current best. From Dog Soldiers, a British soldier trapped in a farmhouse surrounded by Werewolves, runs out of ammo and ends up going toe to toe with a huge hairy beast. He gives a good account of himself landing a few sweet punches on the snout of his assailant. When the inevitable happens and the Werewolf has him pinned against the wall by the throat. the Soldier, knowing he's about to die, looks fluffy square in the eyes and says...

I hope I give you the f***ing sh*ts!!!!

Class!! 002.giflaugh.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 40
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

(Not a real movie, more of a soap.)

 

Debate between President George W. Bush and Sen. John Kerry held Friday October 8th 2004 at Washington University:

 

 

KERRY: The president got $84 from a timber company that owns, and he's counted as a small business. Dick Cheney's counted as a small business. That's how they do things. That's just not right.

 

BUSH: I own a timber company? That's news to me. Need some wood? laugh.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hansel from Zoolander (best movie)

 

 

I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Deleted scene from Cheech and Chongs Up in Smoke. Tommy Chong is playing an old guy in jail while Cheech is waiting for court.

 

Cheech: What are ya in for pops?

Chong: Leave me alone son.

Cheech: Son? Ha, you my dad now?

Chong: I could be your dad.

Cheech: Haha, really?

Chong: Ya, I used to fu*k buffalo.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm Rick James b*tch!

Dave Chappell Show! Love it! I love it when the crackhead (Tyrone) hears the cries from the woman who locked her baby in a car, runs over there, smashes the window just to reach in and steal the car's radio. laugh.gif

 

Joe Pesci (cant spell his last name) in Goodfellas: "Do I amuse you? How the f*ck am I funny to you? Am I a f*ckin clown to you? huh?!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have several:

 

1. Braveheart

 

Stephen: "The Lord says he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure - you're f*cked...hahahahaha."

 

2. Boondock Saints

 

Murph: "We're kinda like 7-11 - we're not always doing business, but we're always open."

 

3. Austin Powers

 

Austin: "She's the village bicycle, everyone's had a ride."

 

4. Lethal Weapon:

 

Cop: "Flied Lice?"

Uncle Benny: "Flied Lice? It's fried rice, you plick!"

 

5. Matrix:

 

Neo: "Wow, that sounds like a really good deal. But I got a better one. How about I give you the finger...and you give me my phone call."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mmmm..The Matrix: "Guns....lots of 'em" ak.gif

 

Dirty Harry: 'I know what you're thinking. Did he fire 5 or 6 shots? Y'know, in all the excitement I've forgotten myself. And seeing as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off....the question you've gotta ask yourself is, do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

 

The punk stops trying to reach his gun. As dirty harry lowers his handgun and starts to walk away......

 

Punk: "Hey cop, I gotta know"

 

Dirty Harry turns, levels the magnum at the punks face and pulls the trigger.....onto an empty chamber! 002.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"What do you mean, I'm funny?...You mean the way I talk? What?...Funny how? I mean, what's funny about it?... But I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f--kin' amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How'm I funny??... How the f--k am I funny? What the f--k is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me what's funny!..."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

The Big Lebowski.

 

[Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude]

Sherry in 'Logjammin': [on video] You must be about ready to fix the cable. My girlfriend just comes out of the shower.

Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.

The Dude: He fixes the cable?

 

---

 

Kidnappers sent a toe. Walter is not impressed.

 

 

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...

Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These f*cking amateurs...

 

---

 

Blond Treehorn Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the f*ck is this?

The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.

 

---

 

The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...

Donny: I am the walrus.

The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...

Walter Sobchak: That f*cking b*tch...

The Dude: Oh yeah!

Donny: I am the walrus.

Walter Sobchak: Shut the f*ck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

Donny: What the f*ck is he talking about, Dude?

 

---

 

Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...

The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.

Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger...

Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.

Walter Sobchak: Shut the f*ck up, Donny.

 

---

 

Walter Sobchak: Those rich f*cks! This whole f*cking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this f*cking strumpet...

The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.

Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.

The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

 

---

 

[while dunking the Dude's head in the toilet]

Blond Treehorn Thug: Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the f*cking money, sh*thead?

The Dude: It's uh... uh... it's down there somewhere, let me take another look.

 

---

 

The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.

Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw sh*t, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?

The Dude: [after a pause] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Getting some Lord of the Rings action in here.

 

Sam: It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn?t want to know the end? because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it?s only a passing thing? this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you? that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn?t. They kept going? because they were holding on to something.

 

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

 

Sam: That there?s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it?s worth fighting for.

 

 

King Theoden: Where is the Horse and the Rider?

Where is the Horn that was blowing?

They have passed like Rain on the Mountains,

Like Wind in the Meadows.

The Days have gone down in the West,

Behind the Hills,

Into Shadow.

How did it come to this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh well, i have to join in this tongue.gif

 

Full Metal Jacket. The greatest film for quotes. I'm sorry for the bad words and stuff, their not apropriate. But it was a long page of quotes.

 

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy f*cking walrus-looking piece of sh*t. Get the f*ck off of my obstacle. Get the f*ck down off of my obstacle. Now. Move it. I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world. I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crazy Earl: These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: Are those... live rounds?

Private Gomer Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming f*ck Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of sh*t... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few marines! God has a hard-on for marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Cowboy: Don't sh*t me, man!

Private Joker: I wouldn't sh*t you. You're my favorite turd!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Today you people are no longer maggots. Today you are Marines. You're part of a brotherhood.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, f*cking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian sh*t. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on African Americans, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?

Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked sh*t that high.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: Leonard, if Hartman finds us here, we'll be in a world of sh*t.

Private Gomer Pyle: I *am*... in a world... of sh*t.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Who said that? Who the f*ck said that? Who's the slimy little communist sh*t, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy f*cking godmother said it. Out-f*cking-standing. I will PT you all until you f*cking die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman grabs Pvt. Cowboy by the shirt]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Was it you, you scroungy little f*ck, huh?

Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little piece of sh*t you look like a f*cking worm, I bet it was you.

Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!

Private Joker: Sir, I said it, Sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, no sh*t. What do we have here, a f*cking comedian! Private, Joker! I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and f*ck my sister!

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman punches Pvt. Joker in the stomach]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up off your face! Pvt. Joker you better unf*ck yourself before I unscrew your head and sh*t down your neck!

Private Joker: Sir, Yes sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps!

Private Joker: Sir, to kill, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: So you're a killer!

Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then let me see your war face!

Private Joker: [nervously] Sir?

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You got a war face! ARRRRRRRRRGH! That's a war face, let me see your war face!

Private Joker: Ahhhh!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t, you didn't convince me, let me see your REAL war face!

Private Joker: Ahhhhhh!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You still don't scare me! Work on it!

Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Oh that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any f*cking effort to get to the top of the f*cking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke pieca' sh*t Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would f*ck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: The deadliest weapon in the world is a marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead marines and then you will be in a world of sh*t because marines are not allowed to die without permission. Do you maggots understand?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you think I'm cute Private Pyle; do you think I'm funny?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well any f*cking time sweetheart!

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I'm trying, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-f*cking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-f*ck you!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: ONE! TWO! THREE!

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I can't help it, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t! Get on your knees scumbag.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Now choke yourself.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Goddamn it, with my hand numb nuts.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't pull my f*cking hand over there. I said choke yourself; now lean forward and choke yourself.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [choking Pyle] Are you through grinning?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t, I can't hear you.

Private Gomer Pyle: [Louder] Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t, I still can't hear you. Sound off like you've got a pair.

Private Gomer Pyle: SIR, YES, SIR!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That's enough; get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start sh*tting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely f*ck you up.

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Tonight, you men will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pertty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you will be faithful.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Cowboy: You know there's not a single horse in the entire country of Vietnam? There's definitely something wrong with that.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Cowboy: I think what she's trying to say is that you black boys pack too much meat.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pogue Colonel: Marine, what is that button on your body armor?

Private Joker: A peace symbol, sir.

Pogue Colonel: Where'd you get it?

Private Joker: I don't remember, sir.

Pogue Colonel: What is that you've got written on your helmet?

Private Joker: "Born to Kill", sir.

Pogue Colonel: You write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?

Private Joker: No, sir.

Pogue Colonel: You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant sh*t on you.

Private Joker: Yes, sir.

Pogue Colonel: Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.

Private Joker: I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.

Pogue Colonel: The what?

Private Joker: The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.

Pogue Colonel: Whose side are you on, son?

Private Joker: Our side, sir.

Pogue Colonel: Don't you love your country?

Private Joker: Yes, sir.

Pogue Colonel: Then how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win?

Private Joker: Yes, sir.

Pogue Colonel: Son, all I've ever asked of my marines is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook there is an American trying to get out. It's a hardball world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.

Private Joker: Aye-aye, sir.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Animal Mother: You a photographer?

Private Joker: I'm a combat correspondent.

Animal Mother: Well you seen much combat?

Private Joker: I've seen a little on TV.

Animal Mother: You're a real comedian.

Private Joker: Well they call me the Joker.

Animal Mother: Well I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole.

Private Joker: Well pilgrim, only after you eat the peanuts out of my sh*t.

Animal Mother: You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Animal Mother: If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: A day without blood is like a day without sunshine.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Door Gunner: Git some! Git some! Git some, yeah, yeah, yeah! Anyone that runs, is a VC. Anyone that stands still, is a well-disciplined VC! You guys oughta do a story about me sometime!

Private Joker: Why should we do a story about you?

Door Gunner: 'Cuz I'm so f*ckin' good! I done got me 157 dead gooks killed. Plus 50 water buffalo too! Them's all confirmed!

Private Joker: Any women or children?

Door Gunner: Sometimes!

Private Joker: How can you shoot women or children?

Door Gunner: Easy! Ya just don't lead 'em so much! Ain't war hell?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chili: You weren't on Operation Hastings, Payback. You weren't even in country.

Private Payback: Oh, eat sh*t and die, you f*cking Spanish American. You poge.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cowboy is sending Eightball to investigate an area for enemies]

Private Cowboy: Eightball, let's dance.

Private Eightball: Put a African American behind the trigger!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Hartman is calling off assignments to the newly christened Marines]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker!

Private Joker: Sir, yes, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Forty-two twelve, basic military journalism. You gotta be sh*tting me! You think you're Mickey Spillane? You think you're some kind of f*cking writer?

Private Joker: Sir, I wrote for my high-school newspaper, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Jesus H. Christ, Joker! You're not a writer, you're a killer!

Private Joker: A killer, yes sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Gomer Pyle! GOMER PYLE!

Private Gomer Pyle: [stares blankly] SIR, YES SIR!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You forget your f*cking name? Oh-three-hundred, infantry! You made it!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: How can you shoot women and children?

Door Gunner: Easy... you don't lead 'em so much.

[laughs]

Door Gunner: Ain't war hell?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: I wanna slip my tube steak into your sister. What'll you take in trade?

Private Cowboy: What do you got?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Da Nang Hooker: Hey, you got girlfriend Vietnam? Me so horny. Me love you long time.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Eightball: What we have here, little yellow sister, is a magnificent specimen of pure Alabama Blacksnake. But it ain't too goddamned beau coup.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?

Private Joker: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, well, Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!

Private Joker: Sir, the private said "no, sir," sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit!

[slaps Joker]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You Goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out!

Private Joker: Sir, NEGATIVE, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?

Private Joker: Sir, NEGATIVE, sir! Sir, the private belives any answer he gives will be wrong and the Senior Drill Instructor will only beat him harder if he reverses himself, SIR!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marines: [chanting] This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [Chanting] This is my rifle.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [Grabbing their crotches] This is my gun.

Marines: This is for fighting.

Marines: [Grabbing their crotches] This is for fun.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Cowboy: Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.

Private Joker: What was the matter with him?

Private Cowboy: He was jerkin' off ten times a day.

Private Eightball: No sh*t. At least ten times a day.

Private Cowboy: Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy f*cker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Eightball: Personally, I think, uh... they don't really want to be involved in this war. You know, I mean... they sort of took away our freedom and gave it to the, to the gookers, you know. But they don't want it. They'd rather be alive than free, I guess. Poor dumb bastards.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Animal Mother: Well, if you ask me, uh, we're shooting the wrong gooks.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

T.H.E. Rock: You're going home now.

Crazy Earl: Semper fi.

Donlon: We're mean marines, sir.

Private Eightball: Go easy, bros.

Animal Mother: Better you than me.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?

Private Cowboy: Hey, start the cameras. This is "Vietnam - the Movie."

Private Eightball: Yeah, Joker can be John Wayne. I'll be a horse.

Donlon: T.H.E. Rock can be a rock.

T.H.E. Rock: I'll be Ann-Margret.

Doc Jay: Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo.

Crazy Earl: I'll be General Custer.

Private Rafterman: Well, who'll be the Indians?

Animal Mother: Hey, we'll let the gooks play the Indians.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Eightball: Hey, what the mother f*ck?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy dog sh*t. Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Did your parents have any children that lived?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'll bet they regret that. You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Animal Mother: All f*cking African Americans must f*cking hang.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: When you two pukes are done here, I want you to clean the head.

Joker and Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you shook up? Are you nervous?

Private Cowboy: Sir, I am, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do I make you nervous?

Private Cowboy: Sir?

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Sir" what? Were you about to call me an asshole?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Referring to Lee Harvey Oswald and mass murderer Charles Whitman]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot?... Private Joker.

Private Joker: Sir. In the Marines, Sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: In the Marines. Outstanding. Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do. And before you ladies leave my Island, you will all be able to do the same thing.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be sir. Do you maggots understand that?

Recruits: Sir, yes sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.

Recruits: SIR, YES SIR!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your excuse?

Private Cowboy: Sir, excuse for what, sir?

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'm asking the f*cking questions here private. Do you understand?

Private Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well thank you very much, can I be in charge for a while?

Private Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Marching Song]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I don't know but I been told...

Marines: I don't know but I been told...

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Eskimo pussy is mighty cold.

Marines: Eskimo pussy is mighty cold.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: MMM, good...

Marines: MMM, good...

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Tastes good...

Marines: Tastes Good...

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Feels Good.

Marines: Feels good.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your name fat-body?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Lawrence? Lawrence what of Arabia?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That name sounds like royalty are you royalty?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you suck dicks?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t. I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose.

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I don't like the name Lawrence, only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you're Gomer Pyle.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [after hitting Private Joker] You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers I will teach you. Now get up, get on your feet! You had best un-f*ck yourself or I will unscrew your head and sh*t down your neck!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: [narrating] Parris Island, South Carolina. The Marine Corps Training Depot. An eight-week college for the phony tough and the crazy brave.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: Ya know, half of these gook prostitutes are serving officers in the Viet Cong; the other half have got T.B. Be sure you only f*ck the ones that cough.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Eightball: Believe it or not, but under fire, Animal Mother can be a wonderful human being. All he needs is somebody throwing grenades at him 'til the end of his life.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: Sir, does this mean Ann-Margaret's not coming?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Payback: Joker ain't never been in the sh*t. He thinks "The Bad Bush" is between old mama-san's legs.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What is this Mickey Mouse sh*t? What are you two animals doing in my beloved head? Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why are you not stomping Private Pyle's guts out?

Private Joker: Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the senior drill instructor that Private Pyle has a full magazine that is locked and loaded, Sir!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the f*ck is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: A jelly doughnut?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry...

[turns and addresses rest of platoon]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored his platoon. I have tried to help Private Pyle. I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle f*cks up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it, ladies, you owe me for ONE JELLY DOUGHNUT! NOW, GET DOWN ON YOUR FACES!

[rest of recruits get in front-leaning-rest position, Hartman turns to Pyle]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Open your mouth!

[shoves jelly doughnut into PYLE's mouth]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: They're payin' for it; YOU eat it!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your name, scumbag?

Private Snowball: Sir, Private Brown, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t! From now on your name is Private Snowball. Do you like your new name?

Private Snowball: Sir, yes, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well I'll tell you one thing you won't like, Private Snowball: they don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[being interviewed]

Animal Mother: What do I think about the U.S. involvement in the war? We should win it.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[when Private Pyle is on the obstacle course]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Get your fat ass up there! I'll bet if there was some pussy up there you would get up there, wouldn't you?

Private Pyle: Sir, yes sir!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[after Joker kills the sniper]

Private Rafterman: [laughs] Hey joker, we ought to put you up for the congressional medal of... ugly! ha-ha!

Donlon: Hard core man, hard core.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: Sir, the private believes that any answer he gives will be wrong! And his senior drill instructor will beat him harder if he reverses himself, sir!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker is silly and ignorant, but he's got guts. And guts is enough.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle!

Private Gomer Pyle: Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you WILL bunk with him! He'll teach you everything; he'll teach you how to pee!

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, aye aye, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, he's silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts and guts is enough. Now you two ladies carry on!

Private Gomer Pyle, Private Joker: Sir, aye aye, sir!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?

Private Joker: Sir, to kill sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: So you're a killer?

Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Let me see your war face.

Private Joker: Sir?

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You got a war face? AHHHHHHHH! That's a war face. Now let me see your war face.

Private Joker: Ahh!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullsh*t! You didn't convince me. Let me see your real warface.

Private Joker: Ahhhh!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You don't scare me! Work on it.

Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Animal Mother: f*ck you Cowboy, f*ck all of you assholes!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[the recruits have administered a "sock party" beating on Private Pyle]

Private Cowboy: Remember, this was all just a bad dream, fat boy!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[an ARVN pimp and his hooker drive towards the Marines]

ARVN pimp: Do you want number one f*ckee?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [after discovering Private Pyle's unlocked footlocker] Jesus H Christ. Private Pyle, why is your footlocker unlocked?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I don't know, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, if there is one thing in this world that I hate, it is an unlocked footlocker! You know that don't you?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: If it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world, would there?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: GET DOWN!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lt. Lockhart: [reading] ... we have a new directive from M.A.F. on this. In the future, in place of "search and destroy," substitute the phrase "sweep and clear." Got it?

Private Joker: Got it. Very catchy.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Pick 'em up and set 'em down Pyle!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint! Jesus H. Christ! I think you've got a hard-on!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [calling out to platoon] Left shoulder, hut!

[Pyle accidentally puts his rifle on his right shoulder, then corrects quickly, but not before Hartman sees it. He walks up on him]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved Corps?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I don't know, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You are dumb, Private Pyle, but do you expect me to believe you don't know left from right?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then you did that on purpose! You wanna be different!

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [slaps Pyle hard on the left hand side of his face] What side was that, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, left side, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [shouts] Are you sure, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [slaps him hard again, this time on right side of his face, knocking his hat off]

[shouts]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What side was that, Private Pyle?

Private Gomer Pyle: [nearly in tears] Sir, right side, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't f*ck with me again, Pyle! Pick up your f*ckin' cover!

Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Private Joker: What do we get for ten dollars?

Da Nang Hooker: Every t'ing you wan'.

Private Joker: Everything?

Da Nang Hooker: Every t'ing.

Private Joker: [to Rafterman] Whaddya think, man? Ready to spend some of your hard-earned money?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vietcong Sniper: Shoot... me. Sh-oooot... me...

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a very good scene from Kubrick's Lolita. "Two Normal Guys"... creepy and funny at the same time

 

The characters are: Clare Quilty (Peter Sellers) and Humbert Humbert (James Mason) who is in lust with his teenaged step-daughter whose mother has just been killed but Humbert has not yet told her so she will be remain "happy". Quilty has an odd attraction to Lolita (the step-daughter) also and keeps turning up wherever humbert and lolita are... making Humbert feel acutely paranoid. Quilty is not a policeman, but pretends to be in this scene.

 

[Quilty] Hello.

 

[Humbert] You're addressing me! I thought perhaps there was someone with you.

 

[Quilty]No, I'm not really with someone. I'm with you.

 

[Humbert] I didn't mean that as an insult.

 

[Quilty] What I meant was that I'm with the State Police here, and...when I'm with them, I'm with someone, but right now I'm on my own. I mean, I'm not with a lot of people, just you. I wouldn't like to disturb you. I'll leave you alone if you prefer it. You don't really have to go at all. I like it. I don't know what it is. I get the impression that you want to leave but you don't like to... ...because you think I think it looks suspicious, me being a policeman and all. You don't have to think that because I haven't got a suspicious mind at all. A lot of people think I'm suspicious, especially when I stand on street corners. One of our boys picked me up once. He thought that I was too suspicious standing on the street corner. Tell me, I couldn't help noticing when you checked in tonight... It's part of my job, I notice human individuals... ...and I noticed your face. I said to myself when I saw you... ...there's a guy with the most normal-looking face I ever saw in my life.

 

[Humbert] That's very nice of you.

 

[Quilty] Not a bit. It's great to see a normal face, 'cause I'm a normal guy. Be great for two normal guys...to get together and talk about world events, in a normal way.

 

[Humbert] There's nothing I would like better than that, but I don't have much time.

 

[Quilty] It's a pity, because, may I say one other thing to you? I've been thinking about it a lot. I noticed when you was checking in you had a lovely little girl with you. She was really lovely. She wasn't so little, come to think of it. She was fairly tall... Taller than little, you know, but she was really lovely. I wish I had a pretty, tall, lovely little girl like that...

 

[Humbert] That was my daughter.

 

[Quilty] Your daughter? Isn't it great to have a lovely, tall......pretty, little daughter like that? It's wonderful. I don't have any children or boys or little tall girls. I'm not even... Are you married?

 

[Humbert] Yes, I'm expecting my wife, perhaps, to come here.

 

[Quilty] May I say something? I thought you looked uneasy at the desk. I was thinking that you want to get away from your wife. I don't blame you. If I was married I'd take every opportunity to get away!

 

[Humbert] Yes. No, that was not it at all. As a matter of fact, it's possible that my wife won't join me because...when I left home she was not well.

 

[Quilty] What was the matter with your wife?

 

[Humbert] It's not important... She had an accident.

 

[Quilty] She had an accident! That's terrible! Fancy a normal guy's wife having...an accident like that! What happened to her?

 

[Humbert] She was hit by a car.

 

[Quilty] No wonder she's not here. You must feel pretty bad about that. What's happening? Is she coming later, or something?

 

[Humbert] Well, that was the understanding.

 

[Quilty] What, in an ambulance? I'm sorry I said that. I shouldn't say that. I get sort of carried away, being so normal and all. When you were at the desk checking in with the night manager...Mr. George Swine, who I happen to know as a personal friend...I was wondering if he fixed you up with a good accommodation here.

 

[Humbert] Yes, they were extremely cooperative.

 

[Quilty] You sure? Because I could easily have a word with George Swine. He's a really normal, nice sort of guy...and I've only got to have a normal word in his ear...and you'd be surprised what things could happen. He'd probably turn some troopers out, so you could have a lovely room...a bridal suite, for you and your lovely girl.

 

[Humbert] I don't want you to take any trouble on my account. We're perfectly comfortable.

 

[Quilty] It's his job to fix you up with something nice. He gets paid for doing that and...when he sees a guy like you, all normal...with a lovely girl, he should say to himself: "I got to give that guy a lovely sort of comfortable, foamy bed to sleep in." I don't like to hear things like that, 'cause I could go and take a swipe at him...for not giving you a lovely, comfortable, sleepy, movie-star bed. You know what I mean? What has he got you on the floor or something?

 

[Humbert] Well, the little girl is probably asleep already in the bed and...I don't know why we're discussing...

 

[Quilty] Why don't you let me have a look...at the accommodation that you have, and take it in for a second...then I can have a word with George Swine? It would be simple.

 

[Humbert] No, you really shouldn't worry about either of us. Which reminds me, I should go upstairs now.

 

[Quilty] You're going because you think that...me being a policeman, I'd think you were sort of suspicious? I don't think that at all. I think you're really normal. You don't have to go because of that.

 

[Humbert] No. It's been very nice talking to you.

 

[Quilty] Before you go, I was wondering whether maybe in the morning, you know...me being lonely and normal...

 

[Humbert] We have to get up at the crack of dawn.

 

[Quilty] We can have breakfast.

 

[Humbert] That's very nice, but...

 

[Quilty]I can arrange it with George Swine. He could have it laid out.

 

[Humbert] Well, thank you so much. Goodnight.

 

[Quilty]You have a most interesting face. Goodnight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Simpsons could be a movie. ninja.gif

 

 

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

 

 

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.

Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.

Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

 

 

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.

Bart: Right, the leprechaun.

Ralph: He told me to burn things.

 

 

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

 

 

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling cool.gif: I...M...P

Nelson: Bart is pee!

Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

 

 

Ralph (To a wolf): Will you be my mommy? You smell like dead bunnies...

 

 

Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?

Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.

Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens

Edited by Haken (see edit history)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

 

"Inconceivable!" "You keep saying that. I don't think it means what you think it means."

 

"As you wish."

 

And from "Zulu" ... "Can I unbutton me tunic now, Corporal?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I saw this film last thursday, 'Imagine me & you', and liked these quotes.

    Lena Headey: "Vagitarian."

     

    Anthony Head: "I love the smell of hot dogs in the evening. Smells like... hot dogs."

     

    Darren Boyd: "f*ck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

I've been watching the movie adaption of the Sin City graphic novels alot lately, and even though the entire thing is chock ful of good quotes, there is one that keeps popping into my head.

 

Hartigan: "An old man dies, a young women lives. Fair trade."

 

*blam*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 weeks later...

"frankly my dear I don't give a damn!" - Gone with the wind. Amazing quote!

 

"For I am ordinary, unimportant, and undeserving of such attention unless we all are - I think we all are. So share my glory, so share my coffin." - Evita, during her funeral.

 

"Yeah, just one shell, and governments fall like flies! Kapow! Die! They stumble and fall! Bye-bye - backs to the wall! Aim high - we're having a ball! The tank and bullet rule as democracy dies! " - Evita

 

"They need to adore me, so Christian Dior me" - Evita smile.gif

 

"Your little body's slowly breaking down. You're losing speed, you're losing strength, not style. That goes on flourishing forever, but your eyes, your smile do not have the sparkle of your fantastic past. If you climb one more mountain, it could be your last." - Evita

 

That's all folks. wink.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share


×
×
  • Create New...