RNO- Rede de Not?cias de Emakera

[Emakera]

NO-Emakera

Not?cias que o Ryth quer que voc?s ou?am!

 

*Calm song in the background*

Correa: Hello telespectadores from all over Europa, this who?s falando is Correa, from Rede de Not?cias Oficiais de Emakera-- "Emakera?s official news network", the best and most accurate news station of all Emakera.

 

*Short peaceful guitar solo of the anthem of Emakera*

 

Correa: "Human rights, for the right humans"; Dictator Richard Haller gives a quick and safe solution for the blood shortage in the Bancos de Sangue and hospitals of Emakera-- taking blood from healthly bandidos! More info with our reporter Daniela dos Santos, who?s in front of the Banco de Sangue, in southern Bisler city.

 

Daniela: The situation of Emakera?s hospitals was getting tough, since our Bancos de Sangue were running dry, therefore making harder to save lives in medical emergencies. But thanks to our Dictator, who was advised by the prison officer Samuel Frederico, from Cartago, this situation is going to be handled soon. The government just signed a law, which makes blood donation compulsory by healthly inmates in Emakera?s prisons. According to Haller?s own words, "Human rights, for the right humans".

 

Correa: Thanks to our wise leader and officer Frederico, more lifes will be saved. *short pause* A dangerous foreign terrorist was caught recently in Emakera. Nicholas Carpathia, known as "Midnight Sun", is now in a prision next to Cartago.

 

"Teach the crian?as and you won?t need to punish the adults"; our Leader, Richard Haller, is making huge investiments in education and research.

 

Emakera and the Free Land of Ylania have just signed an Alliance, consisting of a mutual help treaty, lowering of the trade taxes, and mutual help with research and healthcare.

 

This was NO-- Not?cias de Emakera. Stay tuned for more information.

 

[Emakera]

Correa: Breaking news-- The United Nations have just changed Emakera?s category to "Inoffensive Centrist Democracy". When asked about the fact, our Leader, Dictator Richard Haller, have thrown up a cup of soda in our reporter, and then added: "Democracy?s when the demo rules... and i?m the demo!"

 

Local diver Get?lio Dornelles has just found about 15 million dinheiros on gold and jewelry on the sea of Emakera. Thanks to his altruist efforts, Emakera?s economy had a rapid growth. Ditador Haller gave him A Medalha da Cruz de Prata, the biggest honor that an Emakeran can get, and now Dornelles lives in a fine beach house.

 

Now, to the sports section. Augusto, it?s up to you.

 

Augusto: WELCOME, watchers from all over the world!!1!! I?m Augusto C?sar, and this is the Golden Goal. On the national soccer championship of Emakera, the Le?es da Neve FC beat the CR Silvercross at their own HOME!1!1 Let?s watch the biggest moments of the game:

 

*soccer game playing*

At 27 of the 1st half, Deba crossed to Marquinho Bislense, who shot the ball STRAIGHT IN THE CORNER OF TEH GOAL!!1!!!! FORGET ABOUT WHEN THE FIRST SETTLERS CAME TO OUR NATION-- THIS WAS TEH GREATEST MOMENT IN OUR HISTORY!!!!!! Results, Le?es da Neve 1, Silvercross 0... GO GO LE?ES DA NEVE!!11111!!!11!!

 

Correa: Uh... that was interesting, Augusto. Now, foreign news: A foreign power sent a bomb letter to our nation, full of empty threats and with a retarded effect. The bomb exploded the desk of Richard Haller at around 3 am, luckily no one was harmed--- yet. According to Commander Eduardo de Lucena, from the UPF, "This will end up in tears to the agressors... but this one will pass. According to a report, we have 10 soldiers for each thug of these fundamentalist religious trash"

 

This is it. More info about the war on fundamentalism soon, on NO- Not?cias Oficiais.

I?m Correa. Stay tuned.