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Coup d'etat in the Jaihuistic Jaihudom of Jaihu


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Report of the Jaihuian News Network.

 

 

Scattered reports are emerging out of the Jaihuistic Jaihudom of Jaihu that there has been a coup d'etat in Zao Jaihu. Early indications are that over the last number of days a rouge group of Sports Entertainment Entertainers have ceased power. Jaihu Jaihu of the Jaihu has been placed under house arrest, the Jaihuian council has been disbanded and the borders of Jaihu have been closed.

 

There are rumours that the new government of Jaihu has ordered all foreign missions in Zao Jaihu closed and all diplomats expelled in preparation of the first "meeting" of the new Jaihuian Government.

 

As further information becomes available it will be released.

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TO: Sports Entertainment Entertainers, Jaihu

FROM: Orioni

 

We officially condemn your actions. You have no power over our diplomatic missions. We will keep monitoring this situation with great interest.

 

-----------------------

 

TO: Corona Borealis, Corona Borealis

FROM: Orionopolis, Orioni

 

The situation in Zao Jaihu might get hostile soon. Prepare for possible action. If our diplomatic missions request to be removed from Jaihu, you have the authority to move according to the official rules given to you.

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Live From The Jaihu Telecom Arena in Downtown Zao Jaihu it's....

 

Friday Night Crackdown!!!!!

 

[Fireworks erupt from the ceiling of the Jaihu Telecom Arena as the television cameras pan over the cheering crowds in attendence... As the fireworks end "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC begins to blast from the Arena Soundsystem.]

 

[A lone figure stands at the top of a rampway leading from the backstage area to a wrestling ring in the centre of the arena... This lone figure is attired in the finest grey pinstripe Armani suit money can buy... He looks back toward the backstage area, smiles confidently... then begins a slow confident strut down the rampway to the wrestling ring.]

 

[Once he makes it to the wrestling ring he signals to the ring attendant to pass him a microphone...]

 

Man: "Greetings wrestling fans, how nice of you to join us here tonight!!!! Tonight we welcome the millions of Jaihuians watching at home and the billions of you viewers in Europa and around the world!!!!! My name is Lyle "In Style" Wile, The Stylemeister to my millions of Ring Rat Fans from Japan to the U.S.A. and all over the world. "

 

[The Crowd in attendance chant Wile's name]

 

Wile: "I bet you are wondering... Just what the heck is going on in the Jaihuistic Jaihudom of Jaihu? Well your questions are about to be answered..."

 

["Loser" by Beck blasts from the Arena soundsystem as Jaihu Jaihu of the Jaihu is dragged kicking and screaming down to the wrestling ring by 3 masked men. Once at ringside, the masked men pick up Jaihu Jaihu of the Jaihu and toss him into the ring... Wile signals to cut the music.]

 

Wile: "A little over 72 hours ago, The Stylemeister lead a Coup d'etat ceasing power from this worthless pencil necked geek that you see cowering in the wrestling ring at my feet. We ceased power to prevent this once great nation from backsliding any further than it already has... We ceased power to reinstate the wrestlestocracy that once existed here in ancient times!!! Jaihu Jaihu of the Jaihu attempted to outlaw Sports Entertainment, but we continued to flourish... Because Sports Entertainment is the lifeblood of the Jaihu!!!!!"

 

[The crowd pops in appreciation]

 

Wile: "For over 1000 years, the Jaihu had a simple but effective form of governance. Our government was based here in this squared circle. The leadership of the Jaihu, or the Jaihuian World Wrestling Championship, was competed for by any and all that dared to step into the ring. It was a fair and effective form of government... Sure there were problems, sometimes people cheated, using foreign objects, getting outside interference, bribing the officials... Yes there was corruption, but you tell me what form of government doesn't have corruption and I'll call you a freaking two faced liar!!!!"

 

"This man you see at my feet, Jaihu Jaihu of the Jaihu... His family committed the most perverse corruption of them all!!!!! 100 years ago, his grandfather won the Jaihuian World Wrestling Championship, and then outlawed wrestling. And now it is time for wrestling to once again play the role in government that it was always intended to play!!!!!"

 

[The Stylemeister drops the mic and then picks up Jaihu Jaihu of the Jaihu and lifts him up over his shoulders.... With lightening speed he plants Jaihu Jaihu of the Jaihu face first into the canvass on the floor of the wrestling ring. The Stylemeister goes for the cover... Out of no where an official appears and counts... 1... 2... 3...]

 

[The Stylemeister once again picks up the mic.]

 

Wile: "Your family's tyranny over wrestling and the Jaihu has ended. The Stylemeister has ended your family's reign."

 

[The crowd in attendance cheers wildly as the screen fades to black...]

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"Really, wrestling?? Their new leaders are "elected" by wrestling?" President Hartman asked his foreign minister.

 

"Well, now it's official: The leadership of Jaihu has nothing to do with brains or intellect..."

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"Your majesty," The door to the Emperor's office opened, and a foreign office offical poked his head in. "There's been a coup d'etat in the Jaihuistic Jaihudom of Jaihu."

The Emperor looked up. "Really? What's happened?"

"It appears that the Jaihu Jaihu of... er... Jaihu has been over thrown and replaced by a 'Wrestleocracy', sir."

"Oh. What else have they done?"

"They've thrown out all diplomats, pending the first meeting of their government."

The Emperor sighed. Turning to an aide at the desk outside the door, he said "Call a council of my ministers. We'll find out what they want, and if they pose any threat to the Holy Empire."

 

------

 

To: The Wrestleocracy of Jaihu

From: The Greater Holy Empire of Tagmatium

 

We would like to start any possible diplomatic neogatiations with your good selves. We notice that you have recently overthrown the previous government, including the Jaihu. We wonder what your stance is upon the EPA, as this was founded by your predecessors?

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The Emperor clicked off the TV. "Well...that was...interesting...different...and really really odd. Yet oddly, I like the new government. Wrestling in Armani suits. How refreshing out of some in-bred irritants..." (He continues in this line of thought for a while.

 

 

**Coded Message**

To: The country formerly known as Triple J.

From: Vanarambaion

 

We are glad you've finally gotten rid the "pencil-necked geek" that formerly ruled the country. We would like to talk about trade relations, and perhaps an International Wrestling League of some sorts. Let me know at your earliest convenience what your thoughts on the subject are.

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