Sunday, 30 July 2023
Good evening, my lovelies. You're watching BS News, so I must be Bron Urgundy, coming to you live from San Cristobal.
WE DELVE DEEP into the mystery surrounding the most talked-about billionaire of our times: the audacious, the elusive, Mr Noel Smuk. Mere days ago, the world was gripped by the news of his mysterious disappearance inside the depths of the Chernyye Kholmy Mine. And just when we thought the curtains had closed on this saga with the discovery of a mangled body, whispers, and doubts have started echoing from every corner. Is he truly gone? Or, as some speculate, has he once again pulled off the unimaginable? To shed light on this and much more, we have with us the dazzling Kandy Rash, a name even more famous than Smuk's. A confidante, a would-be spouse, or perhaps, a key to this very puzzle. Stay with us, as we uncover layers of this compelling mystery.
Bron (leaning forward, smugly): “Fresh from the very mine where the enigmatic Noel Smuk met his fate, I'm here tonight with Kandy Rash, a close confidante of Noel, and someone, rumour has it, who had hopes of becoming Mrs Smuk. Kandy, it's… enlightening to have you here.”
Kandy (batting her lashes): “Thank you, Bron. It's an honour, especially after your brave venture into the mine. I’ve been hearing stories. Tell me, what was it like down there?”
Bron: “Ah, Kandy, it was unlike anything I've ever experienced. The eerie silence, the darkness, the very weight of the Eurth above. At one point, I was the one who discovered the frayed end of a rope that led us closer to Noel's last known location. I had to muster all my courage to navigate those treacherous tunnels, but I knew the world was depending on my reporting.”
Kandy (eyes wide, clearly impressed): “Oh, Bron! That sounds harrowing. I must say, it takes real bravery to venture into such unknown depths, especially when you're more used to the comforts of the studio.”
Bron (nodding sagely): “It was… life-changing. But enough about my exploits, let's focus on Noel. You knew him intimately. Given his… uncertain fate, there's the matter of his sizable assets. With four ex-wives and a brood of ten children, one would assume the inheritance waters might be a bit muddied, don’t you think?”
Kandy (arching an eyebrow, voice dripping with faux innocence): “Oh, Bron, you might think so. But Noel and I… we shared many dreams. And even though paperwork never sealed our bond, our souls certainly were intertwined. And in such situations, it's only fitting that his vast assets be… redirected towards someone who truly understood him, truly shared his vision, if you know what I mean.”
Bron (leaning in, intrigued): “So, you're implying that there's a… plan in place? Something Noel had intended?”
Kandy (smirking): “Let's just say, Bron, that when the time comes, there'll be no surprises about where the lion's share of his fortune is headed. Those who were closest to him, in his final days, will surely be remembered most fondly.”
Bron (raising an eyebrow): “Understood him, or wishes he’s gone? Now, here's the kicker everyone's been pondering on. Was that mangled body truly Smuk's? With all his resources, maybe he planned some grand exit. Could all this be just an elaborate ruse?”
Kandy (feigning surprise but visibly irritated): “A ruse? After everything that's happened? Bron, I think the tragedy is clear. And with him… out of the picture, it’s important to ensure his legacy, and of course, his assets, are rightfully honoured.”
Bron (smirking): “See, that’s where we differ, Kandy. I braved those tunnels, felt their mysteries. Smuk was a genius, and it wouldn’t be beyond him to plot the most epic escape. Who’s to say he didn’t discover the Hollow Eurth legend to be true? Maybe he fell through the hole and is now on living Maraz?”
Kandy (voice cold, eyes sharp): “He's gone, Bron. The sooner you accept it, the better for everyone.”
Bron (leaning in defiantly): “Or perhaps the sooner some of us acknowledge that he might still be alive, the closer we are to the real truth. You're keen on wrapping this up neatly, aren't you?”
Kandy (her voice dripping with disdain): “Watch your words, Bron. I have enough resources to sue you for every penny you're worth. Your insinuations tread a fine line.”
Bron (with a smirk): “Oh, darling, go ahead. But remember, the truth has a pesky habit of coming out, one way or another. I dare you.”
Kandy, with her face a mix of fury and disdain, abruptly stands up, flipping her hair dramatically as she does so. “I don't have to sit here and listen to this nonsense,” she hisses, before walking off.
Bron, appearing triumphant, raises an eyebrow and leans back in his chair, a satisfied grin on his face. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he says, addressing the audience as the camera zooms in on him, “once again, truth, or at least the pursuit of it, has its day.”
(OOC. Interview backdated to the first Sunday after Noel Smuk's body was recovered. I'd again like to thank @Garindina for taking what was initially just a joke on Discord, and turning it into an actual story. You really took the lead with that one. For everyone else, let's keep the door open for what will actually happen to Smuk's assets.)