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The Eagle's Retribution

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    • By Shffahkia
      Roué, the capital of the Republic of Paranne (Lycian: République da Paranne). Three Shffahkians are sitting in a limousine.
      And then what?
      Nothing, it would make a fine set-up for a joke is all.  Says Louque Admie, a lanky thin pale man in a suit, whom some call him the living embodiment of an academic possessing several degrees and qualifications of various backgrounds, who also happens to be the sitting president of the Collective of Ministers. Holding a pile of papers barely together with several falling from his clutches with every bump the limousine meets. 
      Sounds like a pretty terrible joke. It ain't even got anythin' after. The three should be doing something... Like arm-wrestling! Replies a far heftier man, Rémy Rémy. Tall, outgoing and radiating a presence of courage, he is the current president of the Shffahkian Council. Never one to say much and one to almost always forget something important, a popular rumour of him is that he forgot his last own last name.
      Well, I didn't say it would be a fine joke per se.  Says Admie as he kneels down to pick up the myriad of documents he dropped during the limousine ride. But rather that it would make a good set-up - ça veut dire - a start to one which then predisposes the listener to the comedic twist, thereby... Agh, great this year's documents for the Port-Réel Celebrations budget are besmirched in coffee.
      Ah, so that's where that went. Says Adélaïde Larue as she bends to pick up the leaking thermal mug putting it back on the small pile of thermal mugs of varying colours next to her. Why did you even bring those files, to begin with? Are you planning a parade float of your own or something?
      Well excuse me, but I said, many a time, I wasn't going to stop this discussion over the budget of these celebrations for anything. That includes this project of yours, going about galavanting across Paranne. As if the situation in Shffahkiaville isn't bad enough without you constantly avoiding our budget talks. Also, based on that pile haven't you had enough coffee? That addiction of yours is beginning to spiral out of control. 
      You see... Larue pauses for a moment to sip her coffee. There's a difference between an addiction and a passion. 
      Of course, there is. One is an all-consuming fire while the other is a spark of enlightenment, correct?
      Which stop is next again? Interrupts Rémy looking at one the documents detailing their trip around Paranne. Is it the At-risk Disenfranchised Indigenous Women's Mental Health Association or Parannais Mining Rights Society? 
      No, we already were at the At-risk Disenfranchised Indigenous Women's Mental Health Association back in Térémaie. Does the hour-long hike to the mining site where the protests were happening ring a bell? We had to walk all the way up the mountain because they don't allow transportation vehicles that far up the mountain. 
      Those were women? They were by far too hairy to be women; one even had a beard I'm pretty sure. You're sure they weren't the miners? More importantly, you call that a mountain? I've climbed hills that were bigger than that!
      They were shouting in... Louque Admie attempts to say before being cut off by Rémy. And I've climbed them without any equipment what so ever!
      That's great, but how do you explain the fact that they were very clearly throwing what seemed like dirt towards mining equipment?
      Maybe they were protesting salary cuts?
      They were shouting in an indigenous language...
      How should I know what they were speaking? And why are we even going out of our way to talk to some insane sasquatches up in the mountains? They can't even vote what's the point in that?
      Larue intervenes and says Paranne loves to boast of its indigenous cultural presence. Despite only 15% or so of the population actually being made up of that particular group. So making good with that important minority smooths procedures in the long run. Besides the president's husband suggested it to us prior to our visit. 
      Which one of them was the queer one again? asks Rémy abruptly.
      What on Eurth do you mean? inquires Admie, flabbergasted. Émeric Dutoit is the first openly "queer," as you so blatantly put it, president of Paranne. His election was seen as a big step forward in the country.
      Ah, so it's Émeric and not Sylvain?
      By definition, they both are! Decries Admie, frustratedly at Rémy. And please, do not employ such a word during this trip.
      What's wrong with calling the sky blue? 
      The negative connotations the word drags around as baggage.
        Drag, don't tell me they... Says Rémy before being interrupted by Larue Please just stop for goodness' sake.
      What if it comes up during dinner? 
      I highly doubt this particular subject will come up during our dinner answers Admie.
      I'm sure we can converse over other topics such as the new ADIWMHA spokesperson... Sasquatch! Interrupts Rémy. Or perhaps the unification deal Larue continues then returning to her coffee.
      Ah yes, back to that. So after the dinner, we have two stops left depending on how long the pursuing negotiations are Admie preludes. 
      They were which again? Rémy asks. 
      The Animal Rescue Centre of Roué and then the... 
      Wouldn't the joke be better if it began with something else than three Shffahkians? inquires Rémy. 
      Excuse me, what? Admie replies with utter despair in his eyes.
      Something like a Sunset Sea Islandian, a Shffahkian and a Mauridiviahn are sitting in a limousine.
      That does sound more like an actual joke. Larue comments. It seems like we've almost arrived, is everything ready?
      As ready as it can be. replies Admie sweating from anticipation. Let's just hope no arm-wrestling happens.
      I would say the opposite, you porcelain man!  answers Rémy right as the limousine doors open to reveal the glimmer of cameras. 
    • By Meteorola
      Welcome to all foriegn delegations who have ventured to Dew Point. I hope that you had a relaxing trip. Now to the issues at stake.
      1) The fate of the two islands off the coast of Area #82
      a ) Are they part of Area #82?
      b ) Can they be claimed by any nation, regardless of population limits set forth in the rules of the maps?
      2) The Rules of the Map
      a ) What are the territory limits to any nation, in the 'in between' areas (ie, land caputed during the war, islands, etc)
      b ) What are legitimate reactions by other nations? Should there by any limitations.
      We, the Allied States of Meteorola declare the Dew Point Peace Accords (DPPA) offically open.
    • By Paranoid schizo
      At 01:00 hrs this morning, the military might of The Armed Republic of Paranoid Schizos was mobilized and ordered into plot 67.
      The reason for this is National Security.
      24 hour Combat Air Patrols are in operation backed up by Airborne Early Warning Systems.
      The 3rd Carrier Battle Group has put to sea and established a total exclusion zone extending 5 miles from the coast of plot 67, which will be merged with our great country.
      1st and 4th Shock Army and the 54th Airmobile Brigade have struck deep into the territory, encountering little resistance.
      The indigenous population are wary, but welcoming.
      A 'hearts and minds' campaign is underway and a promise to modernise and harmonise this new area of Paranoid Schizos has been pledged.
      A total reporting blackout is in force and will be reviewed daily.
      All other nations are urged to allow us to go about our business with no interference. Our forces will not fire until fired upon.
      So far the plan has gone well with only a handful of casualties experienced within the Task Force.
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