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A Tale of Two Palm Trees

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If a palm tree falls in the beach, and only a boy is around to hear it, was the tree there at all?

In a place of Madria, a little village near La Santísima Concepción, there lived a very wealthy family. They were known as the Monteros, despite the clear lack of mountains in their area, and lived in a grand house that stood stoicly behind their vast fields of cotton. The family had their fingers in so many pies, that it was wondered by their contemporaries if there was a single sinister plot or shady business deal that didn't have the name "Montero" written all over it. This total disregard for the human condition, their rather flexible view of morality, and their vast fields of cash crops allowed the Monteros to live a very affluent lifestyle. It was even rumored that even God's kingdom had less luxurious bathrooms than the ones that the Monteros had.

Growing up as the youngest member of the family, but also the heir apparent of its wealth, was a certain Juan Montero. A boy so reckless, so rebellious, and so curious that his father often wondered whether Juan deserved the name Montero at all. In fact, during a fit of rage when the boy was just five years of age, Mr. Montero decided that the boy would have to earn his family name, and that from that point on he'd just be known in all matters as just "Juan", or to his mother, "Juanito". Juan was of course not going to stand for that, and deciding that the name "Montero" was lame anyway, decided that his new last name would be "Moral". It was Juan Moral who came across those faithful palm trees.


Originally, they were three palm trees, all smushed so close together that it was hard to tell if they were all tree different trees, or just one tree with three trunks, like a palm hydra. Juan, while walking on the beaches one day, stumbled upon the curious looking structure and quickly approached it to get a keener look. He found the trees rather amusing and he began playing around with them, climbing them, jumping from one tree trunk to another, trying to get their coconuts, and pretending that the trees could speak and have conversations with each other. Juan would spend an entire afternoon there, away from his studies. However, all good things must come to an end, and some of their parents' slaves quickly found him and tried to get him to come back. Juan refused to leave the trees, preferring to sleep under their shade than in his own pompous bed. In order to get away from the prying hands of the slaves, Juan began to climb one of the palm trees higher and higher, right up to the top. It was at that point that the old tree could no longer support so much strees being placed on its trunk, and it quickly became too bent and broke open, releasing splinters into the air that fell upon the Montero slaves like a deadly, sharp rain that would send them straight to the doctor.

Juan did not come out of this incident unscathed however, and would need bedrest for the better part of the month to fully recover. As a result, his father forbade him from ever returning to the sport, and also advised him to climb sturdier trees in the future. Of course, Juan wasn't going to take the orders from that tyrant, so he returned to the spot whenever he got the chance. Upon returning there, he found that luckily the tides nor storms had moved the third tree's former trunk too far, and Juan decided to bury it near its brother trees so that the still living trees wouldn't miss it too much. It took a full day of hard labor and a stolen shovel, but the log was successfully buried in a very salty, very watery, very sandy grave near its siblings. Juan even organized quite a beautiful funeral ceremony as well, in order to right the wrong done by his action and to live up to his adopted last name.

"You were a good tree" Juan said tearfully. "Truly the best" would say one of the trees, "The bestest of the best!" would say the other. "You guys need to stop fighting, show some respect!" said young Juan, lecturing the trees as his own father would lecture him. "I know both of you are sad that he's gone. You don't however need to prove that one of you is more heartbroken than the other-- where is the sense in that? The situation remains a tragedy regardless. Y'all need to settle down" Juan said, patting both trees. "Of course, I'm sorry." would say one tree, "Of course, I'm sorrier" would say the other. "Truly it is futile to reason with you trees" said Juan, trying not to giggle during the third trees' funeral.

After that rather distasteful affair, Juan did not return to trees for the while to give them some space to work out their issues. Or something, really trees can only be so fun. Until you throw a friend into the mix of course.


OOC: This is a Mauridivian tale based off of the true stories of a kid called Juan Montero.


Edited by Mauridiviah
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How to pull off a heist with only a talking carrot and some friends, or something like that.

While La Santísima Concepción was a city of fortitude and great importance, it did not lend itself to the types of dirty schemes of Monteros (presumably due to the highly moralistic nature of the monolith that was the Tacolic church in the city) and as such they did not concern themselves with the city, with Mr. Montero going as far as stating that "Our family never prided itself on dealing with far-flung colonies". Instead, the Monteros invented an illustrious town of their own, named La Vela, in which the Monteros could scheme without 'holy' or any other kind of interference. Thanks to their wealth, the city had attracted a signifcant population of several hundred souls, and it had grown into a proper town with time. It is here that Juan Moral decided to conduct his heist.

However, he was of course not doing it for reasons of greed. That would be selfish, and Juan was anything but selfish. The heist was simple wealth redistribution; Juan would take money from the rich and give the poor, while charging a minor commission for his services.

Step number one to completing a successful heist is to plan a successful heist. Step number two is to recruit some friends. Thus, Juan decided to ask his plebian friend Pepe to meet with him at the two palm trees. The three of them would've been perfectly fine planning the heist, but recently Juan had befriended a certain carrot, abandoned in his room by some overworked slave. This carrot was particularly needy, and required lots of attention. As a result, it refused to be left alone and forced Juan to take it everywhere he went. Some, like his father, scoffed at his "utterly idiotic behavior", but they simply did not know what it was like to deal with a needy carrot, so Juan just ignored them.

Because of his dilemma, however, Juan ended up having to include the carrot in his scheming. As such, when the time came and the plotters gathered, the needy carrot was among them. 

"Alright palms, Pepe, and carrot. Our target is the local bank branch of the Real. It has only one front door, and it's not very big, but I think that we should just climb in through one of the windows." began Juan.

"Back window, Juan. They only keep the money in the back of the building." said Pepe.

"Not just the back window" would say one of the palm trees, "They're low enough to the ground that man could get in easily. They store the money on the second floor to make sure that it's secure. That's why only the top back windows have steel bars on them" would say the other.

"Hmmm... then we shall need to enter through one of the side windows, and use a ladder." responded Juan.

"But where are we going to get a ladder?" would whine the needy carrot.

"My father recently borrowed one for some construction work he's doing in town. We can just borrow it from him." responded Pepe.

"Great," said Juan, "then we'll just do that".

"Does the bank have a vault upstairs?" asked Pepe.

"Yes, but only for the most valuable items. The remainder, including most of the gold, lies behind some steel bars. While an adult couldn't fit through the space between the bars, I'm betting one of us could." said Juan.

"Ok. Night time tommorrow then?" asked Pepe. Juan nodded. With the gang agreed, the plan was set in motion.

After a day of being on his best behavior, Juan was finally sent to bed. However, instead of going to bed, he stuffed his pillows in a way to make it look like he was there, opened his second-floor window, and making sure that the needy carrot was in his pant pocket, carefully climbed down the side of his plantation home. He then navigated through the darkness by moonlight until he reached the outskirts of the sleeping city of the La Vela, where Pepe was waiting, struggling to carry his father's ladder on his own. The boys then set off (Juan of course not helping Pepe with the ladder; after all, he was the son of a plantation owner, no less) and, sneaking around the still-active parts of town such as the bar, managed to enter the side alley of the sleeping bank. Carefully setting the ladder, it was decided that Pepe would hold it at the bottom while Juan climbed it, and then Juan would hold it at the top while Pepe climbed it. Having climbed the ladder, Juan opened the window of the bank, and was pleasantly surprised to find it unlocked. He then jumped onto the second floor of the bank with a loud thud and grabbed the ladder from the top. Pepe climbed and landed with more grace.


The heist would've gone off without a hitch had it not been for a fact that became quickly apparent for the boys: the bars were too close together to get at the shiny gold, partially hidden by blankets, on the other side. No matter how much they tried, they couldn't squeeze through. It was then that Juan had a great idea: he would just get the needy carrot to get the gold for them. Taking out the needy carrot from his pant pocket, Juan made the several-gold-bar request.

"No." would reply the carrot. "Stealing is wrong, and in a jail cell I'll be lonely. I won't help you."

"But zanahoria, if you don't help us, we won't be able to help the poor. You wouldn't want Pepe to go hungry, would you?" said Juan, stiffing his lower lip and everything.

"Fine, but don't tell anyone about this. Ever" would say the carrot.

"Always" said Juan. "My lips are sealed" said Pepe.

With that, Juan let the carrot loose on the space between the bars. The carrot would then stand up, walk over the gold, and with some effort, roll a gold bar over to the eager boys, who would then manuever the bar through the bars and put it on a small pile behind them. The process would repeat itself until the boys had enough gold, and then Juan recalled the carrot, who would comfortably walk back to the space between the bars and would be relieved to return to Juan's pant pocket.

Juan and his accomplice than grabbed the gold bars, and one by one dropped them next to the ladder unto the soft ground far below, each giving a soft thud upon landing. After the gold bars were all lying on a pile next to the bank, the previous system was reversed, with Juan climbing down first while Pepe held the ladder at the top and and then Pepe climbing down while Juan held the ladder from the bottom. Pepe had some difficulty closing the bank window quietly, but otherwise this part was as easy as the rest. The boys then stuffed the gold bars into their clothes, which weighed them down significantly, and to together carried the ladder back to the construction ground.

Once they had deposited the ladder, each headed off to the beach, where, after greeting the two palm trees, the buried the gold under the sands. The boys then parted ways, with Pepe heading to his choza and Juan heading to his mansion. Juan's greatest challenge was carefully climbing up the side of his home back to his open room window. No one had noticed he was gone, and with that, the operation had been a success.

The next morning, after fulfilling his duties, Juan headed off to the two palm trees to check on the gold. Finding it all still there, he then resolved to take only three gold bars, and leave the rest to Pepe. To that end, after re-burying the remaining bars, he wrote on the sand "Take the rest, Pepe" and then headed off back home, where he hid the bars under his drawer, wrapped in an old blanket for future.

It was said for many years thereafter the bank looked for the infamous night time thieves that had cost them a fortune, and they never found them. In the end, the gold bars exchanged hands only a few times before they ended up right back where they started anyway, so perhaps they just gave up the chase when they realized the fortune had returned to them. In any case, one thing is for sure: bring your carrots to your bank heists, they're surprisingly useful.



OOCInstallment number two. I know these stories are boring, but they're mostly bed time stories for children so they're not exactly filled with conflict.



Edited by Mauridiviah
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