Yesterday's News Today
"...this is Borak with the headline news. The celebrations honoring General Morror Kassus have finished and the decorated commander is on his way back to the front lines in Enolia. As he was escorted to the city limits by the Praetorian Guard for the send-off march, Kassus once again reminded people that the capture of Duronom was due to the professionalism and training of his men. He stated that he is confident that the war over the Enolians will be brought to a swift conclusion. Kassus rallied the crowd into a fervor saying that it was time to end the conflict by seizing Canamar. The overall commander of the war effort, General Ayel Nevet, is reported to already be heading upstream. My colleague, Norlina, will continue to report live from the battlefield as able..."
"...the national football team (Ghanehrefv Rheilhhu) has completed a major shake-up of its coaching staff following the arrest of Thivas Phliss by law enforcement after evidence came to the surface showing the coach taking currency from a questionable entity to potentially fix the team's efforts in the recent SATAMFC League competition. Omet Selok, the assistant coach, took charge in the aftermath. He immediately got to work and has completely rebuilt the national squad. Selok said 'he was optimistic that in light of the events of the last few weeks that we'll be in a place to be competitive in Oyus. The Aurelian Cup is set to begin on March 26th."
"...an incident occurred between Asgeirrian and Rihannsu officials this morning in the Asgeirrian city of Shoren where the Asgeirrian official, Lian Kang, shouted a well-recognized slur towards his Rihannsu counterpart in a meeting over fishing rights in the Apnex Sea and the Sea of Lerodan. The meeting was reported to have gotten into a shouting match and only ended with the arrival of the Rihannsu Ambassador, Alok Tibal. Foreign Minister Pranana has ordered the Asgeirrian to issue an apology. There has been no comment from the Asgeirrian leadership at this time."
Mauridivian Names: Could they get any worse?
Mauridivians have always been bad at naming things, from an entire city named after a place to stay for the night to a a silent and useless 'h' at the end of the nation's name, this is nothing new. A new trend has been gaining more traction recently, however: Mauridivians being bad at naming babies.
Now, crazy baby names are not a concept. Even under the monarchy, no rules actually governed what name could be placed on a birth certificate, and as such Mauridiviah recieved all kinds of crazy names (such as the names of everyone in the national soccer team) like Yudagirl, Wuteringheights, Nyleven, Jesus Cristo Dios Immortal, and Derthalen Christian Imperial Truth. Recently however, the amount of "unusual" baby names recorded has skyrocketed.
The government first noticed this trend when it realized that they had recieved hundreds of birth certificates with the same baby name: Greggor Ivanoff, or just Ivanoff (with Greggorina Ivanoff and Ivanoffia being their female forms). Yes, hundreds of Mauridivian parents thought it was wise to name their children after the notorious Ahranian dictator. The magazine Mauridiviah Hoy asked several of the new mothers why they had chosen such an eccentric name for their child. Here are some of the responses:
Manuela Sandras Lama, 28: "Well, I don't really know a lot about like, Avrana, Anora, whatever that place was. I just saw his name on the news once and thought it was a good name. They showed his picture in that sexy orange jumpsuit they make people wear in prison and he looked real strong. So yeah, that's why I called my son Ivanoff."
Alicia Santieras Rodriguez, 27: "My husband, Pedro, was just watching the TV one day when his name came up. They were all like 'accused of allowing the killings of thousands' and 'brutal dictator of Orana' but what really caught mi amorcito's eyes was the name: Greggor Ivanoff. He called me over and said 'Look honey, isn't that a beautiful name?' and I looked at it and thought 'yeah'.We named our daughter Greggorina Ivanoff after that."
Nina Monagas Veda, 31: "It's simple really. The news media can say whatever they want, lyin' all the time, but I know that Comrade Greggor Ivanoff has been executed and smeared based on lies from the Ahranian opposition. He was establishing true communism in Ahrana and was going to move on to the rest of the world, but the monarchist and globalist scum stopped him. As I know that he was a great man destined for greatness, I have named my son Greggor Ivanoff so that he might aspire to be at least half the man Greggor Ivanoff was."
Sometimes we, the staff of The Feudal Times, wonder where we went wrong. Then we immediately answer: The fall of the monarchy.
The driver's license of a Mauridivian man, his name in Anglish is "James Bond Zero Zero Seven Carrion Vargas". Photograph by Mariam Lourdes.
New Mauridivian Political Party: The Death to the State Party
On a quiet day in December 2018 in the town of La Posada, a new party headquarters was registered. It wasn't another chapter of the Republican Party trying to re-grow its support in the area; it was an anarcho-communist movement led by Gustavo Maximo.
"We will KILL the corrupt politicians that ruin this country!" Maximo shouted into a crowd of thousands of black-clad supporters on January 11. "There's a spectre haunting Mauridiviah: the spectre of communism. A spectre that is ready burst out and take over! We must fight the power, but the only way to do that, is to infiltrate it, to poison it from the inside, and then DESTROY IT!"
This founding of this party signifies a resurgence in the Mauridivian Far-Left, which has been struggling to gain ground since the disastrous rebellion in Sitia in the late 1990s. While some anarchists have critized this rather unorthrodox approach towards achieving an anarchist revolution, Maximo assures that he will achieve a revolution before the end of the next decade and fight fascism.
In a recent incident on February 5th, a group of Death to the State counterprotesters attacked Patriot Party protesters.
"We've already won several victories against fascists at Sant Juan! We shall ride into this next election with the spirit of those victories!" Maximo weeted after the police reported that it had arrested 48 people and that the clashes had resulted in 3 injured.
"Personally, I don't think we have anything to fear from them in the next election," President Polo commented in an interview on newschannel Unionvision. "They're just a bunch of uppity college students who will soon be re-incorporated into society by either our great education system or our great rehabilitation programs."
Logo of Antifa, who's banner is often present at Death to the State rallies. Logo by Antifascistaktion.com
Government: 'Star Trek: The Klingons Have Done It Again!' is non-canon
On Tuesday, January 7th, Secretary of Culture Bozaan Perez finally settled one of the most fiery debates of Wittier history: is the independently-made Star Trek movie canon?
"Star Trek: The Klingons Have Done It Again" is a comedy Star Trek spin-off that potrays the United Federation of Planets as a bunch of fumbling idiots overwhelmed by bureaucracy and good-intentions, completely unable to deal with the tricky and witty Klingon outlaw, Ba'el. It was funded by several independent international studios, and was released in 2016, and it soon proceeded to divide the nation.
The people on Wittier roughly fall into two camps: those who think the movie is a comedic goldmine and should be made canon, and those who think that it disgraces the franchise and should therefore not be made canon. The decision, however, ultimately falls under the perview of the Mauridivian government.
This may seem odd to some of our international viewers, but there's actually a perfectly sane explanation for why the government declares what's canon and what's not canon in Star Trek: they own it. After Juan Raudenbaya died in 1991, legally the exclusive copyright expired and the product entered public doman, however Raudenbaya, thankful that the government picked up his project nearly 30 years before, left the ownership of the franchise to the state itself. How could Mauridivian law solve this contraditction?
Well, in one of the first Supreme Court cases in the Republic's history, the court ruled 21-11 that while the government couldn't prevent people from using the work in their works, it did have a final say as to what was canon and what was not. From that point on, it has been the job of the Secretary of Culture to determine whether a new book, movie, or TV Show was canon in the Star Trek universe.
This most recent ruling has only re-ignited a debate that has been relentlessly going on for years, with many criticizing the government for not entering the debate sooner and instead choosing to wait until now. And of course, that the government chose to declare it non-canon.
The most recent Star Trek logo for the show Star Trek: Discovery. Screenshot by Multicinema Studios.
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Knesset Passed International Environmental Treaty
By Arlan Levi, 23 March 2019
Tikva has made a major step in combating climate change that is affecting the Eurth by formally accepting the terms spelled out in the Laren Environmental Treaty established in the Queendom of Morheim. A representative for the Prime Minister said he was best and absolutely falls within the framework of the Setgvek. While Lasker was able to get it passed, it was not due to full support from his governing coalition. The Hetz Party which focuses its agenda on economic development complained that by passing the treaty that the requirements would harm the nation's economy for many years before it was anywhere close to being able to fulfill the goals. They also argued two other points: that it would be unfair for Tikva to be taking on such an effort without additional large nations onboard first; and secondly, the nation is able to obtain its oil from within the interior of Alharu, unlike other nations which have to import their supplies over the seas.
This left Lasker 10 members of his and thus, required votes from the Opposition to pass the treaty. Liora Kagan, the Leader of the Opposition voiced her support for the treaty and decided to take the opportunity to taunt the Government saying that 'it is clear that the entire agenda, not to mention the list of agreements concerning policies is not solid unlike those of the Opposition,' she also said, 'one of these days it will be an issue of significance and it will bring national.' Kagan also pointed to the Hetz members that they are hurting the Highest Being and the world he gave to the Juddish people.
The Prime Minister, prior to the vote being taken, announced that not only would the State follow the terms and conditions laid out in the treaty but his Government would up to 400 million Shekels to develop and construct several solar generators in the Ayalon Hills, to reduce the nation's reliance on oil. Kagan interrupted his announcement and said that while she approves of it, it was a suggestion that Shinui, one of her partner parties, suggested two years ago. Lasker would not acknowledge whether this idea was his own or not.
Following the passing of the treaty, Kagan was spotted arguing with Hetz's leader Abner Jacobsen -- it is clear that if there were to be an election today, it is very unlikely this pro-business group would be willing to join a government led by Avoda. In a press conference, both we and our colleagues asked about what Kagan's political future looks like (the Governing Herut Party and its coalition has seen its support gone down since the Sabbat debacle earlier this month). She responded, "we'll see. Anything is possible."Edited by Tikva
Theodorian troops prepare their defences
STANDOFF AT THEODORIAN BORDER AS REFUGEES ESCAPE
Connor, Anderson. Today 44 refugees from the suppressed ethnic group, Charcentine escaped Theodoria via the last few travel coaches before the full travel ban is enacted. Theodorian authorities were first alerted when a sniffer dog found one group in the hold of a coach. Later Theodorian tanks rolled up to The Etherton Gateway, where they faced PyeMcGowian tanks on the other side of the border.
Futher escalation occurred as Theodorian fighters flew dangerously close to the border leading to the ABDS Anti Air System being activated as bombers flew directly at the border. This comes only weeks after the Anibyniaet Andirswn attacks on PyeMcGowan, which have been both directly and indirectly blamed on Theodoria, as it harbors the terrorist organisation. Theodoria and the AA have been revealed to hold power in companies such as TIA, Teluedu Iaeth Andirswn the group that controls Andersish language media and AEC, the Andersonian Extraction giant, who’s CEO was arrested for possession of unlicensed firearms and illegal explosives.
The Ministry of Defence has said that they are closely monitoring the situation along with the Prime Minister and PyeMcGowian delegations across the world. PyeMcGowian markets have dropped today as a possible escalation could have easily taken place as the standoff enters the night. Yesterday the National Conflict Emergency Act was updated, to include the nationalisation of formerly state-owned Companies such as PyeMcGowian Airways And PyeMcGowian Petroleum, incase of all out war. Authorities have released a series of educational posters and videos on what to do incase of an invasion and aerial bombardment.
Gaut'n Reep'n Statium wins EurthVision 2019 bidding contest
The Golden Bars Stadium in Ferrefaaierhafen was officially named the winner of the bidding contest for the EurthVision 2019 contest, to be held by Nasionale TeleSicht Variota within Het Huisselant. Other contestants included the King Luka I Stadium in Lukinagrad, the Anita Vooters Stadium in Rooibes and the Gillofan III National Park near Grootwaterflakte. While the Gillofan III National Park would have held more visitors, almost double compared to the Golden Bars Stadium and over seven times that of the King Luka I Stadium, the technical limitations of the locations ensured it was quickly eliminated from the NTSV selection as the organisation wants to make sure all kinds of tricks are available to contestants of the EurthVision 2019 contest, including but not limited to pyrotechnics and optical illusions.
Similarly, the King Luka I Stadium in Lukinagrad was quickly eliminated due to the small size of the stadium and the lack of a civilian airport, plans to increase a local airport to one capable of receiving civilian flights being realized as we type but not being deemed ready before the start of the contest. Rumors state that those in charge of assuring that the contest becomes a success deemed anything less than 40.000 capacity as too small, seeking to double the attendance numbers compared to the first EurthVision. Whether this was a genuine requirement or mere gossip remains unknown.
The final bidding was between the Golden Bars Stadium, or Gaut'n Reep'n Statium in Variot, and the Anita Vooters Stadium. Regretfully for the Anita Vooters Stadium, Rooibes' municipal council denied giving out any permits to allow the EurthVision to be held there, stating that they were hesitant to allow such a large scale event to come to their city. Indeed, the city of Rooibes maintains a lower amount of hotels per capita than most touristic cities in Het Huisselant and it would have been doubtful if a significant number of visitors would have been able to stay in the city or even in the neighborhood of it, instead having to travel a large distance to visit the venue.
The Gaut'n Reep'n Statium in Ferrefaaierhafen, venue for the EurthVision Song Contest 2019
Bringing together a large amount of corporate sponsors and groups willing to sponsor the event, the Gaut'n Reep'n Statium was able to claim victory. Official sponsors include Vooters Food Group, which will be providing food, drinks and personnel, Heerefal Casino Resorts, which will be providing special hotel packages for international and domestic fans and the East Variotan Association for Adult Entertainers and Actors, which will be providing last year's winner Hete Henk, taking part in security duties through their Folke Milisie and providing special packages for international fans seeking a taste of the real Huisselant. The most surprising of these sponsors is the narcotics store chain SnuifFuif, who claim that recent lowering of production costs has enabled them to provide free product to any person with a ticket to the EurthVision Song Contest.
Nationale TeleSicht Variota has not yet revealed who will present the contest, although bookmakers are giving reasonable odds on Dina Diva and/or Hete Henk. Other possible names named include Filomedes Jonkheere, General of the Propaganda and Morale Force of the HAP, Cherry Vooters or Lantheere Sjaak fan Oliefaaier, although even the bookmakers are seeing that possibility as a long shot. What they were able to reveal, however, was that all 41.000 fans of the contest would be able to enjoy an entire array of effects during the contest, special technicians from NSTV and from the stadium itself ensuring that contestants will be able to go full out during their performance in the upcoming edition.
Airlines such as Fleugels fan'es Huisselant, Nasionale Flieg Maatskappij Variota, Air Reierfer and Vooters Air have already declared to be willing to maintain additional flights during the period to enable all fans to fly in genuine Variotan fashion but reminded all international citizens about the need to apply for a visa in time. Embassies throughout the world and Het Apparath spokespeople have acknowledged the upcoming need; while only 41.000 will be able to enjoy the contest from within the stadium, it is rumored that many more will still be flying to Het Huisselant to enjoy the contest from within its host nation.
Greenhouse Emissions Make a New Record in Greater Serbia; Conversion to Orimulsion Cited as Concern
The ecological administration within the Serbian bureaucracy has cited concerns over record-number greenhouse gas emissions, the top culprits being power plant conversions to coal and orimulsion, a bitumen fuel derived from Serbia's leftovers of crude oil reserves. In the past week petroleum corporations Naftna Srbija and Energetike Srbije have successfully made the conversions on their crude oil plants to orimulsion or coal. The fuel has been used for a week so far, and it is showing signs of producing higher smog levels in Subotica, Novi Sad, Nis, and Kragujevac. The Serbian government has ordered NS and ES to cease orimulsion services in Beograd, citing concerns over the beauty of the capital city. Instead clean coal will be used in the absence of orimulsion. Zones will be designated in the future over where orimulsion and coal power plants can be built, so as not to hurt fragile nature conservation sites.
The effects of this newly used fuel will be studied more, however foreign scientists that haven't been relocated to their home countries following the Serbian Blockade of 2018 will be excluded from these emissions studies. The Department of Ecological Safety made a statement to accusations of collaborating with Serbia's oil and energy companies: "We are committed to protecting the beautiful Serbian landscape, and there are indeed legitimate scientific studies over concerns of CO2 emissions in development." It is projected that the blockader nations will spin this story in a negative way, making claims over hurting the environment and sending pollution to @Sayf. Zvezda News will reply to the foreign news agencies should developments be made.
For now, Serbia is completely energy independent, in regards to power plants and electricity. Glory to Serbia! Only Unity Saves the Serbs.
Tagmatium Rules 674
Greater Serbia Announces Plans for Negotiations
An end to the crisis in sight?
In surprising development, the state-owned news outlet of @Greater Serbia, Zvezda News, announced that the Chancellor of Greater Serbia, Slobodan Milosevic, was planning on starting negotiations to end the economic blockade of his nation. The Central Argic nation has been under embargoes and blockades from various foreign powers, including our own Arhomaneia, since reports came out about its treatment of a portion of its own populace, a minority that follows Islam. At first, many in our great country were sceptical about how a Christian nation could treat anyone in the manner that was being suggested – accusations that were being put forward by mainly non-Christian nations, or at least nations that did not follow Orthodox Christianity. The fact that the Agios Basilikon Kounsistorion did not raise its hand to defend Greater Serbia came as a shock, as it seemed that the rumours put about were nothing more than baseless lies.
However, and this paper would be amongst the first to admit it, it rapidly became clear that these rumours certainly had a grounding in truth. The Arab Republic of @Sayf released evidence that not only was the maltreatment of the Muslim minority severe but it also bordered upon genocide. Although this evidence was made public by a nation that could have been perceived as biased towards the Bosniaks, as they share their faith, the Arhomaniki Noimosyni Dykton demonstrated that this evidence was correct. Therefore, the Megas Agios Basileos was correct in placing an economic embargo against Greater Serbia, although the Heart of Christendom did not go as far as other, more warmongering nations and attempt to blockade the landlocked nation. This undoubtedly would have caused much more suffering in the Muslim Bosniaks and so was an astute decision by the Arhomaniki government.
It does seem that the embargo has been having a significant impact upon the lives of the population of Greater Serbia, as recent news released by the state media, after a long period of silence, appears to suggest that oil and fuel reserves are running low. The nation seems to be in the process of attempting to convert its motor vehicles to the use of ethanol or natural gas, which perhaps suggests the inventiveness of the people of Greater Serbia in the face of world-wide adversity.
When the the Agios Basilikon Kounsistorion was asked by this paper for its opinion on the announcement by the state media of Greater Serbia, the following statement was given in reply: “Until such a time as Greater Serbia produces evidence that it is no longer pursuing its genocidal policies, the Agios Basilikon Kounsistorion will maintain the embargo against that nation. Whilst military action is not something that the Megas Agios Basileia is moving towards at the moment, it is cannot be discounted until Chancellor Milosevic decides to move his country to a path that is pleasing to God and does more than give vague suggestions.”
Sources from within the Logothesion ton Stratiotikou, the Ministry of War, have hinted at plans having been drawn up to divert one of the two carrier groups from the south-eastern coast of Aluxia, or the diversion of the carrier BP Dyrrakion to support Sayf, but they have not gone further than that. The BP Dyrrakion is currently performing Freedom of Navigation duties between the Raga and Amnalos Thalasses, the Raga and Amnalos Seas, off of the coast of @Suverina.
Previously, the Church had come out in support of Greater Serbia, especially in the north of Arhomaneia. His Holiness, Nikolaos IX, Patriarkhos of Trapezon, had apparently considered the extreme step of excommunication of those who supported the embargo, although the evidence of massacres had made it plain that it was not God's work that was being enacted. Since then, the Patriarkhos has declined to comment on the embargo but has thrown his support behind the @Aluxian Benevolent Fund and the Arhomaniki Red Cross, who have begun to distribute aid to the beleaguered people of Aluxia. Plans to extend this mission to help the Bosniaks have so far been mooted, for fear that problem elements may divert any assistance away from the intended targets.
In the end, it can be but hoped that the statement released to the world via Zvezda News mark a turning point in the Greater Serbia Blockade Crisis and that God has finally shown the way forward to Chancellor Milosevic. Peace is truly what pleases God, and this could well be the start of the normalisation of relations between the Christ-loving nations of Eurth.
Chaos in the Auraid Bay
Travel warning issued by the Logothesion ton Barbaron
The situation in the Auraid Bay continues to worsen after a spate of terrible terrorist attacks rocked the Kingdom of @PyeMcGowan over the preceding weeks. These attacks have purportedly been carried out by an organisation known as “AA”, which is recognised by the neighbouring country of @Theodoria as a civil rights organisation. It appears that these attacks have had no other reason than to destabilise PyeMcGowan, as there have been no known statements or manifestos released by AA, which is rare for a terrorist group.
In response to the attacks, the Agios Basilikon Kounsistorion issued a statement of support to the King and people of PyeMcGowan, as did PyeMcGowan's other neighbour, the Kingdom of @Alenveil. However, although Arhomaneia undoubtedly stands beside the shaken kingdom, it is the duty of the Megas Agios Basileia to stand by its citizens, and so a warning was released by the Logothesion ton Barbaron, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, advising against travelling to PyeMcGowan. This may not cause much of an impact, as it isn't thought that there are many Arhomaioi within the kingdom, but it demonstrates to the world that the situation within the Auraid Bay area is reaching a crisis point.
It is thought that there is likely to be open warfare between Theodoria and PyeMcGowan within a matter of months. The government of the Kingdom has repeatedly blamed its western neighbour for the rising tensions within the area, as well as sponsoring the AA terrorist group. PyeMcGowian aircraft have also struck supposed AA training camps within Theodorian territory. This is a gross breach of sovereignty, although it was precipitated by Theodorian actions, such as the arrest of numerous PyeGowian diplomats. This tit-for-tat nature of events is unlikely to go on for much longer in the manner that it has been. Unless attempts to find a diplomatic solution are found, and soon, war will likely come to the Auraid Bay.
This will have a definite knock-on affect on the rest of Argis. In recent months, it has seemed that the central part of the continent has been descending into chaos, with the political crisis in @Girkmand, the Greater Serbian blockade, the civil war in Aluxia and the actions of @Derthalen all adding to the sense of anarchy – even greater than that which is shaking Europa. With eastern Argis sinking in the same manner, it seems that it is only the west that has any semblance of normality.
The root cause of this is likely that most of the nations on the continent have turned away from the light of Christ. Whilst certainly Aluxia follows true religion, most of the other countries are either schismatics, heretics or worse. Thus, it could be said with no little certainty that many of them are beginning to reap what they have sown by turning away from God's love. It may be that the only way that the downward spiral of Argis can be rectified is if more of the population of the continent turn back towards righteousness, and the Agios Basilikon Kounsistorion could help in this by encouraging missionary work by the Church in these sadly forsaken lands. But, of course, the governments of these many nations must also do their own part – they must make sure that their people are aware of what imperils them and are so able to be steered back from the precipice that is bringing this misfortune upon them.
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200 million people celebrate Āhuni
O'POLIS -- The Orinese New Year is just around the corner. The first day of spring, or the spring equinox, falls on Wednesday this year in the Northern Hemisphere. But you don't have to be Orinese to celebrate. More than 200 million people worldwide, in Orioni and the diaspora, celebrate the day.
For millions of people across the Eurth, Āhuni is no small celebration. Think Christmas, New Year's and a national holiday combined. Add to it family gatherings, festivities, delicious fish, rice and spices.
Āhuni is Oharic for New Year. It means "new day." It's not a religious holiday but rather a universal celebration of new beginnings. Welcoming the future while shedding away the past. That's why families use this time to spring clean their homes and closets and buy new clothes.
Āhuni promotes values of peace and solidarity between generations and within families. It's a time of reconciliation. The Tacolic festival of Easter also falls in spring. Themes such as the Resurrection of the Tacolic saviour, and symbols like The Easter egg, are also associated with rejuvenation and renewal.
A MESSAGE TO THE PEOPLE OF BULGENSTAZ
Queen Mary and I have been deeply shocked and saddened hear of the
massive loss of life after the flooding in Dnestov.
On behalf of the people of Gallambria, we send our most sincere condolences to you,
the families of those who have died, and all those in Dnestov by this tragedy.
20th March 2019, Santhope House
GALLAMBRIAN GOVERNMENT RESPONSE TO DNESTOV FLOODING
As a result of the collapse of the Vietrow Dam on the Let Desvow river earlier today, the Government has directed the Gallambrian Armed Forces with assisting in the distribution of humanitarian aid, aiding the Bulgenstani government with victim identification and repatriation, and infrastructure engineering.
Deployed, will be personnel from No's 39, 94 & 60 Squadrons, and, No. 100 Expeditionary Combat Support Squadron of the Royal Gallambrian Air Force, and elements from the Army's 1st and 2nd Engineering Support Groups.
The Government has also authorised the release of £7.5 million in emergency funding for the Bulgenstani Government.